Protecting Your Do — But He Hates Your Headscarf!

November 21st, 2011 - By Dolapo Roberts

"Satin Scarf"

It’s the weekend and you’re craving salon fresh hair. You go through great lengths to find the perfect style, not just for you, but because the boo will love it too. Your hair game is on point and everyone is happy until it’s time to wrap your hair up at night.

Oh boy.

In your mind you’re just protecting your do and your hair. In his mind? Girl, you just went from hottie to mammy, and Terrell Owens would agree.

If you’re clueless about my Terrell O. remark, I’ll fill you in. A few years ago he was quoted as saying:

The women that I date, they don’t wear head scarves to bed… you look like Aunt Jemima in a candy store.

So I decided to randomly pick three of my black male friends and pose these questions:

“What is your take on a black woman wearing a headscarf to bed?”

“Do you find it less attractive than when she has her hair out and why or why not?”

Friend #1: Mr. Freedom Fighter

Profile: Loves everything natural. Would love for black women to liberate themselves from western vanity.

His response: “I don’t understand why they can’t keep their hair loose, it represents freedom to me.”

Yes ladies, there are some black men that have no idea why a headscarf is needed. I had to school him.

Friend #2: Mr. Long Hair Lover

Profile: He loves long hair and is not afraid to let it be known. He believes a woman’s beauty is in her hair.

His response: “I don’t care, but it makes her less attractive.”

We’ll give him some credit, he’s willing to work with her; he’s not going to dump her because she wears a scarf. But why does he feel it makes her less attractive?

His response: “…a man needs to be able to run his hands through his woman’s hair. Have you ever heard a woman’s beauty is in her hair?”

Yea and I’ve also heard India Arie’s “I Am Not My Hair,” have you?

Hey, at least he was being honest.

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  • Latarie Williams

    I transitioned into going natural with scarves. I couldn’t afford to get extensions, didn’t want extensions, and sometimes it was just too much to pick out my hair. I found myself with scarves. I discovered that I loved rocking beautiful head scarves with side or back knots. My fro is big now, but I still wear them from time to. My boyfriend took me either way. Anyway, they force you to pay attention to my pretty face. :-)

  • Skegeeace

    My white husband doesn’t mind me wrapping up my hair. He prefers long, decorative scarves to hair “bonnets” though. He says it still looks neat and feminine. I make up for it by letting him run his hands through my hair during the day and during, ahem, night activities. ;-) He gives one great scalp massage. 

  • Jj Milan Jm

    I FEEL less attractive wrapping my hair..and it suffers when i dont even WITH the satin pillow case..ugh..men make us crazy..bottomline

  • Diva

    his eyes are closed most of the night, so what does it matter? how about we have a conversation about his lack of abs or shortages in other areas. why are women subjected to men’s physical demands when it seems a majority of them have a lot of work to do, too.

    • polita

      I’m Latina and had never slept with a scarf on my head until about 2 years ago when I saw my friend doing it and saw that her hair looked perfect in the morning. I started trying to wrap my hair and couldn’t seem to get it right. I asked my sister to teach my bf to wrap my hair and he now wraps my hair every night. He jokes that I look like a little boy with my hair all wrapped up but loves that my hair looks perfect the next day. Even though I can now wrap my own hair I love when my bf does it for me since I feel that it’s a nice bonding experience for us. In a relationship you should feel comfortable being yourself with your partner and if that includes a head wrap find someone who can accept you no matter what you look like. 

  • Guest

    My boyfriend doesn’t mind the scarf and I usually put it on just as we’re getting ready to go to sleep. If he wants it out while we’re being “romantic” I’ll leave it out. 

  • Jamaican picknee

    I would compromise. That’s why men love the woman’s real hair vs a weave. If he’s paying for my hair anyway, I don’t have any complaints.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pellis3 Patricia Ellis

    my hair is soft and shiny in the morning when I wear my scarf or bonnet!!  I wish a man would tell me that I can’t wear a scarf/bonnet at night, guess he won’t mind doing my hair the next morning now would he? ;)

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