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In a new interview with Cosmopolitan, Chrissy Teigen opened up about having an epiphany after she realized her drinking habits were getting out of control. Social drinking, especially as a person in the industry living and working in Los Angeles, is normal, but with a family history of alcohol abuse and admittedly not knowing how to attend events without having a drink, Teigen realized things need to change.

Chrissy Teigen drinking

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“I was, point blank, just drinking too much,” she said. “I got used to being in hair and makeup and having a glass of wine. Then that glass of wine would carry over into me having one before the awards show. And then a bunch at the awards show. And then I felt bad for making kind of an a– of myself to people that I really respected. And that feeling, there’s just nothing like that. You feel horrible. It’s not a good look for me, for John, for anybody.”

But at industry events, award shows and parties, Teigen said the temptation is constant and because of that, she found that she “can’t just have one drink.”

“Imagine everything we have,” she said. “Everything is there, always. I don’t know how to go to an awards show and not drink.”

The model and foodie said that taking medication for anxiety and post-partum depression (which you obviously shouldn’t mix with alcohol), along with her desire to go through the process of IVF again to have another child, encouraged her to go dry. She wasn’t a stumbling drunk by any means, but she felt like she was making a fool of herself when she would go out.

“Nobody really brought it up to me,” she said. “They just assumed that it was OK because I always felt OK the next morning. I knew in my heart it wasn’t right.”

During her most recent family trip to Bali, which was a wellness retreat, she had zero alcohol and that was the beginning of her decision to completely abstain from alcohol, saying going without was “really, really wonderful.”

“I would wake up feeling amazing,” she said. “My skin felt amazing. I was just so happy.”

“I used to think it was kind of nutty to have to go totally sober, but now I get it,” Teigen added. “I don’t want to be that person. I have to fix myself.”

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