8 Ways You Know He’s TOO Needy

November 1, 2011  |  
1 of 9

Most relationship articles are geared towards getting more out of your man. Getting him to ask you more about your life—your family, your work, your day. Getting him to talk to you about his feelings. Getting him to be more generous in bed. You know all the signs that tell that a man still needs to learn to open up—to learn how to fuse his life with somebody else’s. But sometimes, the problem is of the opposite nature. Some guys only know how to fuse their life with somebody else’s. Some men need a woman in their life every second.  Maybe that sounds sort of nice. Sort of. But honestly…you’ll be seeking just as much advice on how to un-cling this guy from your arm, as you were on how to get more attention from the guy who barely scheduled you into his day. Here’s how you know if you’ve bagged (or been bagged by) a needy one.


He is texting you sweet things too quickly

It can be a nice change of pace from waiting to hear from a guy, but if a guy is texting you things like “I’m day dreaming about you” or “why can’t I just leave work and come cuddle up with you” after the first date…honestly even after the third date…he is most likely a guy who needs a woman in his life, and any woman will do. Most men don’t start saying, or even thinking, things like that until they have gotten to know a girl more thoroughly. The needy guy has already projected a dozen fantasies onto you of the perfect woman—because he wants a relationship now—and sees no problem sending that type of text.


He is too generous in bed

There is such a thing. The guy who communicates too much. The one who asks you any time he moves an inch or changes speed if that’s what makes you happy, or what else would make you happy, or literally just wants to pleasure you for hours. When you can get a guy you’ve been dating for a while to do this—that’s amazing. But, let’s be real for a second; normally, when having sex, a guy is usually pretty distracted by his own sensations. Your normal guy won’t be thinking that much about making this the ride of your life until you’ve been dating a bit longer. But a needy guy wants to lock you down.


He wants eye contact during sex

I’m sorry but—I don’t want to maintain eye contact with some dude I’ve only gone out with a few times during sex! It is way too intimate, before we have really gotten the chance to become mentally or emotionally intimate. But the needy men take this as an opportunity to create some false feeling of closeness, and they will ask you, right when you were totally into the moment, “baby, look me in the eyes.”


He starts canceling on his friends

A stable man with a full life—one who doesn’t have some void to fill with a woman—will not start bailing on his friends for a girl he just met. You have to earn the time with a normal, confident man. Just as he has to earn yours. He needs to get to know you to learn that you are worth staying home on the couch with, or bailing on a night with the boys to take you to dinner. A needy man will become very available immediately. You’ll probably hear a few phone calls on which his friends ask him to come out, and he says he’d rather stay in with you. He wants an insta-girlfriend.


He interrogates your friends

It’s great for a guy to care about your opinion of him, but a man with a sense of self worth—one who doesn’t need a woman to make him feel fulfilled—draws the line somewhere. A needy guy, however, will interrogate your friends the second you slip away to the bathroom. He will ask them what you’ve said about him, what he can do to make a better impression on you, what sort of guys you’ve dated in the past, if he is dressed in a way you like…

He remembers everything…including stuff that doesn’t matter

Yes, you want your man to care. You want him to bring you soup when you’re sick and ask you how job interviews went. But a needy guy will care too much, too soon. If you’ve only been on a couple of dates, the guy can leave it up to your close friends to bring you soup. But the needy guy will bring you a new pair of slippers because when you were on the phone he heard you stub your toe. Or he will deliver you a stack of DVD’s and a small home pharmacy when you’re home with a cold. I know—it’s sweet. But, honestly, a stable guy is just not going to do these things after 1 or 2 dates. He just isn’t.

He starts talking about the future

This is a way to force you to commit to more time. If you’re out with a needy guy, and you literally just walk by a sign that says “happy hour on Wednesdays” at some bar, he will say “we should go.” Even more so, if you bring up another town, or even country, you’ve wanted to visit, he will say “we should go.” See…he is already imagining a relationship with you.

He will get on the phone with your mom

Sometimes it’s funny when a guy steals the phone out of your hand to chat with your sister or friend or whoever you’ve got on there—but that comes later, in the relationship. A needy guy will start doing things early on like saying “tell your mom I say hi” if she calls while you two are out. Or even grab the phone to say “hello, is this _____ ‘s mom? Well I really like your daughter…” But that is just too close to home—literally—for the first few dates. This is his way of trying to infiltrate your life.


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  • chris60

    Ideally both people in a relationship should be mature enough to be comfortable being needy instead of playing hard to get and staying cool until you feel secure. If I liked someone who fell sick I would visit them with soup to show I care. This article leaves one person as the tough and independent distant one while the other is painted as needy for showing a capacity to give and care. Give me needy and let me be needy so there is a balance. If two people like each other they want to be close when they first meet. It is how we bond. Later we start to do more things separately, but the test of mutual attraction is a desire to be together and to make each other a priority. The problem arises when the level of attraction is unbalanced,then you feel smothered. It is great to know that someone cares enough to be there when we are needy. Wait until you get into trouble and actually need help before being critical of being needy. We are interdependent animals not lone wolves.

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  • Mia

    What are signs of a writer who likes self centered thugs who will dog her out and treat her like a tramp because that’s all she’s used to? Just read this article chile…

  • JD Mac

    Thanks to that sentence this article has truly killed my hope in our societies moral values…

    • Mia

      Exactly! What a greasy tramp.

  • Max

    Parts of this article are definitely true, but at the same time i find it kind of funny since alot of my female friends complain about guys not being sensitive enough and then they still complain when they are.

  • Danzrs3

    Well I wish this had been published a year earlier…..

  • Tim

    STD Status: new feature on Facebook

  • Magkspam

    LOL ok so let me get this straight, looking someone in the eyes is too intimate when you’re …. having sex? Haha ok… if I know them well enough to share my body, I should know them well enough to look them in the eyes while we have sex. 

  • JANE

    My ex-boyfriend did about 60% of those things in the beginning of our relationship…needless to say, I ended up dumping him. I think that he only said and did all of those things just to “lock me down” in the beginning, because towards the end of our relationship he stopped caring altogether.

  • Hibernia86

    Aren’t most of these things that women do more than men?

  • David Gibler

    Typical; Women still don’t know what they want and men don’t know what to do. And you wonder why there aren’t any good men out there? We’ve quit trying. 

  • Mike

    Funny – this article is about pretty much every woman I’ve ever dated. I’m not saying it’s not frowned upon when women are too clingy, but when a man does it he’s dismissed almost immediately. I’m happy to have been raised in a culture that still has higher standards for men to follow than it has for women, but if someone doesn’t feel comfortable filling a particular set of shoes, well then in my opinion, he shouldn’t have to. This type of scrutiny is best directed at oneself.

  • Realnezz

    my favorite is #8–as if some dude who suggests you go to a weekly happy hour sometime is actually secretly plotting your marriage. this list is a mess!

  • Sotru

    Omg ive experienced all of the above….may seem harmless but RUN!!!!!! For your got damn life

  • sisi

    Best comment EVER!!

  • Ms. Kane

    rushing a relationship is rushing a bond that should grow slowly. neediness can also turn to possessiveness, jealousy, a need for control, aggression and violent tendencies. sometimes too much of something CAN be a bad thing. clearly, that might not be all needy men, but that will be my last needy man.

  • kim

    All of these things are fine but there is definitely a point when they really can be too much. If you don't understand this than you have not been with a needy man. Good for you. I think the only people that will get this are those who have. We all think we want these things until you get someone that goes overboard. Its stifling. We all need a little space.

  • Capote

    This whole article is BULLCRAP! These are things that women complain that men dont do enough. I garauntee you the woman that wrote this article is single as hell with no prospects, lol. According to this writer, men should only hit from the back… forget birthdays and anniversaries… avoid talking to your moms on the phone at all times… and after we nut in bed, jump up and go hang with our friends so we dont seem like we're blowing them off, lol

    • David Gibler

      You nailed it dude. All of these are on a “How to tell you’ve found the perfect man” list somewhere.

    • juice

      Or we can just close our eyes and pretend we’re banging Megan Fox, call her another name “by accident”, call your boys afterwards like YEAH I JUST SMASHES, I’LL MEET Y’ALL AT THE STRIP CLUB IN A HALF AN HOUR and watch. Next day well be reading an article on Signs you’re dating a scumbag

  • taylor g

    i so don't mind any of these. lol

  • Kimmie


  • Keith

    Wow deep but true it some areas when I read this I can all most call my self a needy guy so is that a good thinng or is it a bad thing cause from what I can see in my life its mind blowing an also shocking to some.

  • Louise

    I must agree with several posters. The person who wrote this article does not seem to have it all together in the relationship/intimacy department. Get your life in order before unintentionally misleading others. (BTW, I am a happily-married 22 year old.)

    • kayla

      completely agree. The author sounds like she’d rather have a friend-with-benefits than a serious, long-term relationship.

  • Chris

    There should be a law againts people giving relationship advice online unless you have a degree in a related field! the author doesn't have a clue!

  • Snooper

    I once dated a guy like this and it was a very nice change coming out of a verbally abusive relationship. I enjoyed the time, attention, lovemaking and vacations – however, it was a real let down when I found out he was married!

  • MsT

    I must disagree with #3. I dated 2 men who insisted I open my eyes and look at them while we made love and they were 2 of the best lovers I've ever had in my life. They weren't needy; they were HOT.

  • Pingback: LADIES HERE’S A FEW WAYS TO FIND OUT IF A MAN IS TO NEEDY… | Trapjuice.com()

  • Candy

    Pleasing me in bed, maintaining eye contact, and remembering things is too needy? Maybe you shouldn't sleep with guys after only 2 dates if that stuff is creeping you out. Seriously, take it a little slower. Any guys reading this, it is DEFINITELY ok to please your woman for hours and a good idea to remember everything. She remembers everything you do.

  • Lee Moulton

    YA KNOW…if both people spent this much time being attentive to one another, you'd think life would be good.

  • tamichic

    Number 8 happened to me…I mentioned to a guy I had been dating for only 1 month that I needed a vacation. He went online while at my house and booked us a cruise. Glad he did because being on a ship with him for 5 days showed me A LOT. Had a great time though!

  • Steve

    Im sorry, as a guy I hear what your saying but from my experiences from working with women professionally and in my personal life a man always has to be on the watch for the nuances of women. Hence women thinking guys are needy. Maybe the guy you paint finds it easier to understand women this way. But I do agree, most men and women need separate lives. I have however heard people say that the sex is always never ending. But men are physical and visual. If he's putting in the work….deal with it. MANY women complain that the guy doesn't do enough. And finally no one meets my mother until a year later. No need to get her feelings worked up.

    And yes I know this is a ladies site and yes I have things to do. But I like to hear all sides to a story and some where between everyones lies and opinions lays the truth.

    • homie

      It's a ladies site but I like to hear the man's point of view.
      Men are very smart creatures. You never know one day
      yout mother might meet your girl in 6 months.

  • lisha

    LMAO!! I have dated crap for a long time and I just met this really needy guy, and he is driving nuts!! This is not going to work,its funny that I came across this article!!

    • tamichic

      I agree with you. They don't understand the need to have time to yourself.

  • Lee Moulton

    This is crap except for the interrogating friends part. All the other stuff seems to be the things women want…Eye contact, open communication, wanting the man to be selfless, etc.

  • Anna Renee

    I married one too, but he tried to act like he wasn't needy.

  • sweettea

    Yikes i married a needy guy. Thats ok he’s still really sweet but it took years for us to develope seperate lives

  • tonyo

    Lol @ eye contact being too intimate during sex!

  • msknowitall

    Lol I’ve never dated a needy guy . All the knuckleheads I’ve dated have been selfish . I don’t know, a needy guy doesn’t sound too bad compared to the crap I’ve dated.

    • homie

      I agree 500% the needy guy sounds good to me, and having a big
      wallet would frost the cake.

      • Binge Thinker

        They r usually BROKE & BROKEN! Hell been there done that!

  • WhamBam!

    I will not complain if a guy wants to please me all night long. That is not such a bad thing. Some men just think of themselves in the bedroom. Just saying.

    • Maya The Bee

      Amen to that!

    • Opinionated4Days

      I “Feel” ya (lol) but the lady has a point. When a man who doesn’t know (the female) is excessively generous with certain (i.e. oral) sexual favors; he DOES tend to act like the accomplishment of multiple and sustained orgasms delegates (the female) as “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” insta-property of his. That’s where excessive phone calls and random pop-ups are unfortunately sure to follow. Question the weirdo, and the first thing he wants to do is remind (the female) “That Ain’t What You Said When You Let Me…….”. Say it ain’t so!