Are You Wife Material?

September 25, 2011  |  
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What makes a woman wife material? If you were to ask 5 different guys this same question I assure you, you will get 5 different answers. There may be some similarities and universal traits of excellence that we’re all attracted to but there will also be individual quirks for each man. Contrary to popular belief men are not monolith nor are we these predictable stereotypes that some women create to make themselves feel better about the fact that no one is interested in putting a ring on their finger.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to determine if you are wife material…

Can you Burn?

Now before you accuse me of being a blatant sexist hear me out. Women who cook are no longer the norm and those who can cook are even more of a rarity. For that reason I don’t think expecting your grandmother’s cooking is as realistic today as it was 40 years ago. Some men grew up in homes with “Big Momma” or their momma cooking up a storm so when they have a girlfriend who can’t burn it’s an automatic turn off.

Are you family oriented?

When a woman asks for a man’s list and sees that one of the top 5 qualities is that the woman be family oriented they immediately pat themselves on their backs saying “I’m family oriented”. Meanwhile they have a terrible relationship with their family and don’t seem to be too interested in building one with his. Or some women have a great relationship with their own family but keep something slick to say about the man’s family. We’re looking to have our own family at some point so when choosing a partner we need someone who helps create that Huxtable vibe. If you think that’s unrealistic, maybe another issue you have that makes you NOT wife material is your inability to dream.

Do you settle?

There’s nothing less attractive than a woman who settles. When looking for a partner both men and women should look for someone who pushes them to be better. A person who settles doesn’t push his/herself so please don’t expect them to push you or the relationship further.

Do you make him better?

A friendship between two people should enhance the two individuals involved and being that your wife should be your best friend she needs to make you better and vice versa. And when I say better, we need to hone our spiritual selves together, work out those financial kinks together and teach each other how to love each other (better). By no means am I saying that you should go into a relationship without being whole first, you have to come to the table with a clear sense of self. However as time goes on we’re supposed to evolve, we’re supposed to change and you’re going to need someone who helps that change be for the better.

Are you the forever type?

A good man is one who is focused on family. When he finds that woman with that forever ish’ he can imagine them going to parent/teacher night together. He can see her in the delivery room and the joy of holding his first born. He sees her in his life forever, celebrating achievements and accolades– he envisions what forever looks like and her face is always in the picture. You would be surprised how many women are in relationships, especially long term relationships where they haven’t asked or know outright that their man doesn’t see forever in their relationship. Some people will force it, thinking he/she will learn to love me. It shouldn’t work that way, it should be organic unless you want to end up having one of these wild and crazy divorce parties.

Don’t look at this small list and apply it to all men, find out what quirks your man has. Notice I left sex out but don’t think that sex is unimportant; my advice would be that a man will appreciate a woman who is open to exploring her body sexually. You might have had a lot of sex but let’s try and have some good sex and for that to happen we need to be open minded.

Moreover don’t read this list and immediately become defensive and lash out about those men who aren’t husband material. Forget those dudes; there are tons of good men out there who will be your knight in shining armor. There are men who will defy patriarchal traditions and work on creating a new man/woman unit for the two of you to exist within. We don’t need nor want to keep you barefoot and pregnant to keep you in our world. We’re looking for a partner just as you are and together we’ll make a superb team.

What do you think makes a man or woman marriage material?

Email nativenotes at or follow him on Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr and check out some his writings over at Notes of This Native Son

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  • I agree

  • Persephone

    Well, some women might not have a relationship with their own family because they were horribly unhealthy and abusive, but still want to create a healthy one fo themselves.

  • dustin

    Do you have self control? Can you reciprocate? The ‘forever’ type doesn’t necessarily convey loyalty. There are an abundant (sadly) amount of married folk who regularly commit adultery in one way or another. Can you put on blinders and not turn left or right? A wife, like a husband, is supposed to be the second half of a unified soul. If you cant adhere to each other, then you can not be one. Just because society has downgraded the values and meanings of marriage doesn’t mean that it is right. Marriage is marriage regardless of what characteristics or personality types you apply to it. The key element is the unification of soul. Not sure when Ill be able to stop arguing with fence posts, but, you know.

  • Brandilove

    Stop being so literal I want to marry higher up to me I think she’s saying someone who can take you to new heights intellectually , emotionally not someone who will put u down someone who has goals and someone who wants u to reach yours he doesn’t haft to have a six figure income he has something going for him in doesn’t mind doing nice things for u

  • Genesis in the UK

    Yes why dont african-american women cook? Ethiopian women do !

  • Ricci

    I don’t plan on having children, so by extension, I have no plans on creating a family or imagining us at parent/teacher nights together. So I guess I’ll never be wife material.

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  • Joann Pierce63

    Daywalker, I am going to try to come to your rescue and place a positive spin on your statement. I am a somewhat older woman and I love to cook. My children are adults and I am divorced but I still cook on a regular. I have friends and other women that I know who maybe the same age or closer not only do they not cook but many will admit that thwy do not know how to cook. I have a very  good friend of 30 years, children have grown up and left home and she will tell you that she have no intentions of spending anymore time in the kitchen. She will go out and buy dinner for the man first. Therefore, the saying of “A way to the man’s heart is through his stomach,” has taken flight and no long exist. Ladies, the bedroom is good but if you want to keep him coming back for more, create your best moves in the kitchen.

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  • Wiser by the minute

    Love your post. Totally agree that feeding the trolls creates a frenzy. Have an ex that is a total troll. I need to starve him to death. I am so tired of the reactions I get, even when being kind.

  • notadumbwhitechick

    I don’t know why so many people are disagreeing with this post. The average man is looking for all of these qualities in a potential wife. Personality, loyalty, and the maintaining of sexual distance until once in an established relationship is what separates a girlfriend from a “friend with benefits”. When you go out to meet a new girl whom you may or may not be looking for a relationship with, what qualities do you look for? Well, they certainly have to be attractive, in your opinion. Definitely have to have a personality. And if she’s unfaithful, why would you even waste your time trying? You never go up to a potential girlfriend and query about her family relations or her ability to cook. Doing so would be ridiculous. If a man asked me this, I would probably laugh at him. 

    And honestly, please stop with the racist comments. They’re really immature and degrading to white people as well. You think you calling a black person ugly makes you any better? Nope. Not at all. I, as a white woman, find many black people attractive. I am not necessarily attracted TO them, but they’re really good-looking. Of course, there’s a few in the mix that make you want to poke your eyes out, but there’s people like that in every ethnicity known to man and then some. You make white people look bad. We’re not all racist. And for you to take it upon yourself to make that statement is highly ignorant. You’re just another stupid redneck that’s upset ’cause the North won the Civil War, right? Grow up. Go on somewhere you stupid wanker. 

    Also, I’d like to point out…”Women are supposed to marry higher up.” That’s completely stupid. So all women are meant to be gold-diggers? What the frick?! Seriously, did your mum tell you that when you’re all grown up, “don’t give up your goodies until he gives up his”? That’s dumb. Nobody is ever meant to marry “higher up”. It’s marrying the person that makes you better, happy, and fall in love all over again that matters. I will be married for a year on the 25th of March and I love every second of it. My husband literally completes me. He’s my best friend, not some rich guy who bought my “love”.

  • Dimplez83

    Not all black women just these youngsters who want to be women but are still girls. The problem is that most women these days are single mothers who work two or three jobs to make ends meet. They don’t have time or energy to teach their daughters/sons how to cook. That’s why they are microwave babies. When I was growing up when my mom was in the kitchen I was by her side learning how to cook. I had some great teachers my great grandma my grandma mom and aunts. I’m 28 yrs old and I can burn with the best of them I love to cook and for friends and family to enjoy a meal tht I’ve prepared

  • “Women are supposed to marry higher up,” your
    leading statement is too vague and general. What do you mean when you say; “Women
    are supposed to marry higher up?” Suppose by whose rule book? Where did you
    pick up this little tablet of street wisdom?

    Given you believe what you say; “am I to
    understand” that you bring to the table equal value? Experience, income,
    knowledge, energy, resourcefulness, intellect!

    When you say “higher up, rather than [equal to] am
    I to understand your position to be hypocritical?  

    Get a grip Tina . . . I am one of those “higher
    ups” that you suggest. And no, I neither any of my peers would even consider
    the likes of you. It is not your social economic status that makes you
    unattractive as a lifetime partner . . . it’s your lack of moral character!

    Take a look in the mirror . . . it shows!


  • Rmeluvsjesus

    I find it interesting that most women have forgotten what it means to be a woman, but most men are still looking for the Biblical woman.  What happened?  A great indication that when women chose to liberate themselves, they chose to lose the man’s respect.

    • What an asinine comment.

    • CarlaKah

      They chose to lose the very insecure, patriarchal, oppressing man and gain one that is compatible

  • Guest

    uh oh…always knew i wasnt wife material…oh well…

  • Really..don’t get married.

  • I acknowledge that I am only 21. I also will say that I have been through a few more “real life” experiences compared to the average 21 year old. Anyway, I will say that when it comes to love, dating and relationships, at this point I’ve learned that perhaps it’s better to just get it over with to focus on other things. I am going to college and I would rather not have to deal with the “dating” stage. If you are a woman and you find a man who’s nice, just keep him because honestly, there’s nothing else better out there. I really hate hate hate dating but I like the idea of LTR and marriage, family, blah, but the dating process seems useless. I just need a guy who wants to get it over with just as much as I do. 

  • Sam

    I have no idea if I am that kind of material & I actually don’t care. I’m myself. Who doesn’t like can exit, stage right.

  • Jinja

    I'm late to this party but I do have to disagree with the "family-oriented" item. You describe men wanting to envision a parent-teacher conference together, but not all men and women want to have children. My husband and I have decided not to procreate, but that doesn't mean that we don't love our own, little, two people + two cats family.

  • scentofmoney

    Love this!!

  • dl-homie

    So many gay homies on the down low that's why

  • Dare Not Say

    Wow! Scribble this off during your coffee break did ya?… You talk about "Wifey" and "Life-long", yet you've done the shortest list I've read so far!… Many of the comments are longer and more in-depth then your article… I'm very disappointed at this article… I'm convinced you could do better since in your last note you do touch on so much more… Maybe you just had writers block?… Hope your next article will be a credit to you… Don't give up just because I'm being a bit negative… OK 🙂

  • All women are wife material ,the only problem is that society ,friends and stubborn confidants wheel the womens mind in the wrong direction. A man takes a while to choose a wife because ,for no apparent reason there was that one girl that broke the man’s heart ..when the guy tried to pour his feelings out to the girl that he so madly fell in love with, 92% of men never marry because of love ,he only wants pleasure now ,if u the women is not his first and true love , then u are and always will be getting checked like a list ,for example is she good looking ,can she cook, cam she get along with my family,women should just realize that men want is only to have a women just for companionship, and with time love will flourish. Men are dogs and will always try to cheat ,sex is always on men’s mind so if any women can take care of the man that has a check list for women ,then that women will always be wife material, like they always say ,if u can’t take care of your man ,some other women will ,so all the women that reads my manly opinion don’t beat yourself up ,.men are not complicated,we just want a women that can take care of us like our mother did but the difference is have our kids and be our lovers. Just don’t be stupid.

  • Mets

    I do and don't agree with black patriot- gender roles do work but they're being phased out. I would love to be a stay at home wife/mom/cook/maid/family organizer but the only women I've seen try to stay at home and raise a family (relying on the man to bring home the bread), end up on their own. If men want women to persist as this stereotypical momma role, they've got to stop takin off and leaving us in the cold to fend for ourselves. Women don't lose these 'wife-material' traits because they think it makes them weak, women lose these traits because they can't afford to let's say, be a good cook, when they've got to worry about getting the food paid for. Corporate world isn't what I want, its definetely not in my nature; i'm uncompetitive, emotional, quiet, scared of my own shadow, etc etc.. but it's what I've got to do. Game face on o_o even during a period. I'm a product of my environment- all i see are women and babys with no men, or with men who are screwing up. If you want us women to remain feminine and docile (which i for one would lovve to be) you're going to have to be men who do the manly thing; pull up ur boots, get out there and be aggressive in providing for your families.

  • Mike

    white women are useless? you're nothing but a black racist who thinks to highly of herself. Learn some manners and you will get the respect you seek.

  • Ken

    I read that if there is disrespect on either side in a marriage, there's 98% confidence that a divorce will occur. Based on long-term studies. So whatever you do (man or woman) make sure that you respect them, and they respect you. and it better be for who you are, not what you do. Jobs come and go – people get laid off, people get hired and people get fired or promoted. And sometimes its pure dumb luck – the first-place person's car broke down, so they hired you instead. Or your competitor's factory burned down, and you got all the business. Then the money won't matter. And do this: each of you write down on a sheet of paper your top 20 priorities, then repeatedly copy over the best 1/2, and drop the rest, until you're down to just one top item (the sizes of the lists will have 20, 10, 5, 3, 2, 1 items). Then compare lists. I knew a couple that did that – the wife's #1 item was sex, and she said if he ever got in a car accident and couldn't have sex, she'd divorce him.

  • homie

    I agree with the dating scene for 35+ is BRUTAL.When I was younger my pick of the litter
    was large– now it's small and with baggage. I don't expect a perfect man but I get tired
    of men my age telling me I'm OLD. You either get old or die, men don't never think they
    are old, and I have no problem telling them about THEIR pot bellies ect.

  • homie

    Things are way toooo easy for a man today. Some men don't want commitment, they don't
    want a good woman. There are too many things men can get without any effort.

  • shellfish

    you are so right…..most decent Black women is preparing for the future…….

    Black women are constantly being put down etc……they are made to believe that our attributes are not good, but other races are paying $$$ to get what we have already…….

    Black men want someone they can take advantage of and Black women are not going to stand by and let you jerk them around…..

    Gold diggers is what these Black entertainers and professional Black men get…….in these white/ non black woman women…..

    If you notice every time a Black man marry or even involved with one of them….they loose they respect from the media, loose their careers, loose most of their money (because the courts is always on their side) and most of them end up in jail or near being in jail…..and they still keep getting these women…..and encouraging the younger generation of black males to follow their foot steps..

    These type of men think Black women are beneath them……

    If she is educated they claim we are too educated..we are competing with them….duh…..if we are not educated…they claim we are not up to par to be with them……WELL the problem is not us….it's them…and their madness….

    WHEN WILL THEY LEARN they are making a fool out of themselves to society

  • shellfish789

    ARe you husband material?????? or have you been taught by old-wanna-be-pimps….I find it very annoying that old Black men try to teach the young men their old pimp like mentality…and to treat their own women badly and treat non=black women with the utmost respect and be cooperative in the relationship

    They teach these young guy to be HARD, Defiant, hard to get alone, playing mental games with women, especially Black women They glorify having baby-mammas all over the place and the newest thing is being on the DL….

    If a Black man do not have a positive male role model or a good father he will hear these negative talk from these Goons wannabe pimp/players- losers from the streets…he will treat women badly and will treat his own kind with disrespect

    I tell my son a MAN CAN NOT TELL HIM JACK SH.. if he has not been married for at least 15 years and have stability in his life……other than that….he can not tell him nothing because he has NOTHING TO SHOW for his words of advice…..

  • Shellfish

    Men say that want these things…but are they these things…there are plenty of GOOD women out here being passed over for "SKANKS…I for one of them….

    I will not and have not giving up on my self identity just to satisfy a man one way agenda…….that benefit him only

    it;s a two way thing…we support each other…

    Women have been taught to give up everything for their man and at the end when they loose their identity and they sacrifice all….they are dump and traded in for a newer model….

    most men do not appreciated a woman that have these traits…..they considered them a push over or someone they can walk over……

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  • LuvANurse

    Very interesting discussion here. First of all, I am a black woman and I hear this debate all of the time. I does get very tiring. But I have to admit, that there is validity on both sides of the argument. It is all about respect for self and love for self. I love myself and all of my faults. I love the brotha and all of his faults. We have such diverse backgrounds even though we are black. We bring that diversity of experience into our relationships. I am a catch. Any man who wants to be part of my present and future must be a catch as well. I take care of myself, I am an awesome mother, I am gorgeous, spiritual, athletic, and all of that!! I want my brotha to be as well. I am working on being the best everything I can be. I agree with the fact that we have to have our game right with the brothas. I completely agree. So, I will continue to work on me and improve me so that he does not feel like he is settling.

  • Bianca

    We are not your brothers and you sisters, so quit it with that ish. And I agree.

  • Bianca

    How can you write an article and you don't know what hell you are talking about. Not everyone is family oriented. There are people who want to be marry but don't want to start a family. Why don't you take a poll next time and get you facts straight idiot.

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  • Reese

    Wife material is different for everyone depending on the type of marriages you want. You know people are in s/m lifestyles, swingers, financial partnerships, or whatever else.

  • Reese

    Another one who hates bw so much, but can't stay away. If non bw are so great and your relationship is all that how come you have nothing better to do than come on the internet and attack bw. Something is missing in that relationship and life. And sorry your words don't hurt me because I know it isn't true. I am engaged to a beautiful native american man who is educated, attractive and makes good money. He is the only one who needs to consider me wife material. Nobody thinks you are husband material either boo.

  • notimpressed

    Yeah so, this is one of the most ridiculous things I have EVER read. Not just because being "wife" material completely depends on the individuals involved in the situation but also because the author, and most men in his age/race/sociological range don't even really care about being solid options for women seeking a long-term relationship THEMSELVES. Being "wife" or "wife-y" material to them is a weak, poorly constructed hodge podge of an ideal based on how clear a woman's skin is, how big her butt is, and how much she does or does not need to wear a weave to appear "acceptable" . Any other "traits" or "attributes" that a woman has fall incredibly far behind her physical importance. To act like he or any of the demographic he claims to speak for are capable of thinking differently is ridiculous. Next!!

  • Reese

    You don't know what you are talking about. You don't even know most bw and what we want. I don't want any of that. I don't wear weaves, I own my house and make more money than most of bm counterparts, bw aren't the only ones who over spend money, I do like nice bodies, but so do you, big d-doesn't equate to good sex. And what about bm bringing to the table. If everyone is after bm why do yall end up with the ones nobody wants the fattest, ugliest, uneducated white women ever. That is why white men don't care you hear them say it all the time bm have the ones they don't want. So don't think that you are all marrying Rockafellas, Hiltons or anybody they want. They don't want the kim k for more than a night.

  • Christine

    Soooooooooooo tired of hearing everything that black women do wrong. No one is perfect but every articlen regarding BW I see is this laundry list of all my faults…fat, weave wearing, loud, angry, gold digger, good for nothing, etc, etc, etc. Do you know me or any BW who has ANY redeeming qualities? What about BW who are kind, nurturing, beautiful, supportive, generous, active, breadwinners, intelligent. Do you mean to say that you have NEVER met one? That they dont exist? I dont accept that. EVERYONE has faults. EVERYONE has things they need to do to improve themselves. BW are not the devil. Please stop and remember that.

  • mee

    true being light skin is all you need

  • ray

    where's the article, "Are you husband material?" lol…but really?

  • whatreally2011

    BTW…..I am a woman of color, who have a good Black Man of CV, and two College Degrees, which has provided me to a

    great career with my Man in a high paying job in Aeronautical Engineering.

  • whatreally2011


    No one wants your CREEPY LOWLIFE of a AZZ on this planet. Even if they were BLIND, DEAF and DUM!

    Get a Life, but first get some serious Professional Psychological help. Loser like the other Loser —–>

    "HEADSBUSTED" or is "HEADSMACKED" wide open!

    @HeadSmackerwrongi… You are a SERIOUS "RETARD"….! Were you abused like "Beaten in your Head" one too

    many times and perhaps molested as a child? I suggest you get some serious Professional Psychological

    Treatments for your many psychotic issues. NO ONE WANTS A SICKO LIKE YOU!!!


    Maybe, Both of them are one and the same "Person" having a SCHIZOPHRENIC RANT…..

  • whatreally2011


    No one wants your CREEPY LOWLIFE of a AZZ on this planet. Even if they were BLIND, DEAF and DUM!

    Get a Life, but first get some serious Professional Psychological help. Loser like the other Loser —–>

    "HEADSBUSTED" or is "HEADSMACKED" wide open!

  • whatreally2011

    @HeadSmackerwrongi… You are a SERIOUS "RETARD"….! Were you abused like "Beaten in your Head" one too

    many times and perhaps molested as a child? I suggest you get some serious Professional Psychological

    Treatments for your many psychotic issues. NO ONE WANTS A SICKO LIKE YOU!!!


  • TScott

    Wow. Lots of energy in the thread. My grandmother used to say "If you can't have fun with yourself, why should you expect someone else to?", which to me means- don't expect to receive blessings if you're not working to be a blessing.

    Head and…Daywalker: I've been approached by men like you (usually because the only value they assign to the best of Black women is for cheap sex). I don't assign name-calling and value to such a mindset-you make life choices that you believe are best for you. I DO, however, determine that such men don't fit the things I value in my life, like BALANCE and HUMILITY. Based on your repeated comments, you are neither Balanced (you can only see the things one way) nor Humble (you can only pull down what you see as above you). And, I might add..if the White Woman is so revered, why does she need you and your kind to constantly keep proclaiming her value? As Mae West said, A lady doesn't have to tell you she's one, she just is.

    To Everyone else, my two cents offered are to forget the lists and measuring sticks and be you; and without fear, go out and share that you with the world. I believe in being balanced and healthy. Pick a couple adjectives/values that speak to the core of you, line them up to that which is Good, and make no apologies about living them courageously. I've learned these lessons from many Black men: they only want to see the real you, because men aren't prone to change. So they gotta see what they're REALLY workin' with, and make decisions based on that. You can't do that if you're adjusting based on someone else's yardstick to happiness.

  • amazed

    I thought headsmakeroni WAS daywalker- such similar attitudes – yuck!!! Where are the solutions? I see all the gripes – anything ANYTHING good to say???

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  • MiAsia

    I just want to say to my Sister thatsenough, you have hit the nail on the head!! I have been trying to tell this exact same thing to my brothers for YEARS. And to Anna, you are so on point with your comments. Even if idiot yahoos like HeadSmackeroni don't read your comments, maybe some of the men who are walking that thin line will read your comments and realize that they have played a major part in men and women relations, and NOT for the better. It's time for us to become united as a people and get our acts together.

  • thank you for this article, i, as i assumed, am not wife material at all! i have another good 10 years to get to these points noted in the article

  • LovingLife

    Married less than 3 years, my husband and I were overwhelmed by the number of individuals who approached us about how we met and how we chose one another. Human beings possess a natural desire for companionship and a real fear of getting it wrong. Having met in our 30s we both admit that neither of us would have been ready for the covenant of marriage in our 20s. The author makes some good points regarding what it means to be "marriage material". None of us are yet all that God has called us to be. Dating is trial and error that can result in hurt feelings. The key to being ready for a 'til death do us part" commitment is taking the time to work through/move beyond the hurt. Loving relationships exist for those who desire them. Are you better together than you are apart? Each day is a gift filled with new opportunity to grow and learn. This forum and others like it provide the opportunity for honest and insighful dialogue. Be prayerful, be self aware, be respectful.

  • lisa

    Visit voices of angry black women for

  • Amy

    You are the common factor as to why only ghetto, overweight, bitter, angry black women are attracted to you. As the saying goes" Birds of a feather flock together" because you act just like those black women you hate.

  • kendall

    HeadSmackeroni and his buddy Daywalker are the epitome of what is NOT husband material.

    Yuck the thought of him even looking at or coming near a Black woman makes me shudder…ugly souls indeed. Yet he has one point.. women need to be a lot more selective about the trash they accept. Just because a man has a good job doesn't mean he is a good person. Stop accepting crap just because its wrapped in a nice package with a little perfume sprayed on it. You heard it from the horses mouth.

  • SmDh

    Prince Edward….. You sound like an ‘abortion’ that lived. Get a life.

    • Prince Edward

      And u sound like a product of a one night stand. I guess being a jump off is hereditary for u black hoes.

      • @SMDH why even respond to this fool. He just a weakling trying to be big and bad behind a computer. Hilarious!

  • Tina

    Well, I have to agree that I see most black women who are overweight, wear weaves, and have out of wedlock children at once. None of those things make a woman appear wife material. Being a wife material demonstrates and authentic, earthy good girl appearance. Being fat, black, a baby mama with fake hair doesn't scream I'm wife material. Sorry. Image is just as important as character ladies.

  • Tina

    No hun, black women tolerate bullcrap more than anyone because they can't move to better options in this country. If black women were serious about no tolerating poor treatment, they would leave the U.S. and start anew. When you go to different places in the world, you will see that we become a novelty and "interesting."

  • Mature love is unconditional,but interest enjoys no such immunity. Interest is personal, organic and barometric~Cullen Mattox
    We can’t expect our mates to be genuinely interested in us if we neither bother to be interesting or interested. 
    WhenLoveWorks, people resist apathy and Own their 50% share of responsibility for keeping their relationships interesting and viable~Elitia Mattox

  • chocolateman


  • Tony Sloany

    Actually we're impressed by all of those things.
    We vary from man-to-man as to what we are more impressed by but if you were to ask any 10 men if they'd take all of those traits over merely T&A I'd bet you'd get 9 out of 10 hell yesses. Maybe the education part some men would leave on the table because so many of us are control freaks.
    Also as far as a great body goes…I STRONGLY disagree that it's shallow at all. Men are hard-wired to be attracted to physically healthy ladies with excellent child bearing potential (great hips, supple breasts) just as women are hard-wired to seek strong, protective and prosperous men. If you consider this shallow then you are actually in denial of these aspects of human nature.
    I've been there myself (in denial) of what women naturally feel. Then I went to college and took advantage of having a free (included?) gym membership. Both my animal instincts as well as theirs kicked in. Men may be much more visual creatures than women but a healthy body is definitely in women's equation too as are your positive domestic traits for us.

  • L-Boogie

    Daywalker, I agree with your point I personally have a problem with your method.

  • African and tres proud

    Oh am 23 and a chemist yes with a full degree from st Andrews university Scotland. Yes that’s where prince William went and yes am still very very much African and I have a boyfriend whom I have had for 6 years, did I mention he is black????. Yeah this girl got it oh n did I mention he is an engineer too and very sweet man!

  • African and tres proud

    Oh by the way where I come from only weak cheap men would think of disrespecting a woman. Honourable Men should always command respect and collectiveness, not engage in pathetic bashing of women. A woman’s honour should be your priority, and the woman does not have to be a partner or relation but at least stand up for your own women (race).

  • African and tres proud

    Sad simply sad. Am African, not African American some could say british African but I call my self African. My family is all African and reading these posts is saddening. I grew up in a community in Africa where respect for mothers and parents is highly valued. Maybe it’s because we had little to amuse ourselves with or that we were not surrounded by material things and valued relationships that is why it is rare to be confronted with such disgraceful behaviour. I have lived in the uk all my adult life but it was only till I got there that I realised how much a country with so much has so little aswell. I never understood what it meant when people said they were divorced, or they didn’t live with their fathers or that they didn’t know some parents. How could a family miss a mother or a father who was not dead???? How could a girl of 20 not know how to cook when I recall being 6 and learning how to cook. I never understood how children could disrespect their parents and think it was normal yet our so called primitive African culture would never allow a child, mother, father even older sibling to be disrespected. Today after so many years in the west and growing up with two different views of the world I have to say, am a proud African. Very well educated not just me but my whole family, we bear the most prestigious British universities emblems, simply because of what our culture taught us. For those here who believe that black women are ugly, desperate and full of attitude. Come to Africa, our men never seem to tire of us and by the way they are just as well educated and have travelled the whole world. Dont think that just cause you can belittle your women with words, African men would put you guys to shame and the Irony is that you think you were brought up in a civilised society. You ever wonder why Africans stick together even in your so called America which seems to have embraced black people? It’s because your a lost generation of men and could be put to shame If you took such manners to a place called home( Africa). It’s not about the women it’s not about the men, it’s about the community. Stand up as one and breed a better generation.

    • Vandellish

      One of the best comments I've ever read on a blog. Much love and respect to you!

    • Tina

      It's easier said than done. There are internal and external factors affecting black people coming together. There's also a gender imbalance that will need to change. Most black females are going to need to leave the U.S. to shave the numbers down and increase opportunity for themselves. Yes, they will need to study more on how to be marriage material but it will go to waste if they stay in America. Too much damage has been done here.

  • Looking

    I am a mixed man I have never had any problems with black women actually I have dated many races and I have to say I have had less problems with black women by far than with white women. Currently I’m single very good looking not to be conceited own my place and have little or no debt but just haven’t found a match

  • Wow


  • Wow

    OMG , we are of the same age and I'm starting to develop this same mentality.

  • TheTruth

    I know I'm wife material, I'm honest, independent, hard working, funny, beautiful, I can cook, good personality, affectionate, caring, and encouraging 🙂

  • Tired Black Woman

    I'm sick of articles telling me how I should be acting and what I need to do to find a man smdh. I have the best man in the universe and I did that by BEING MYSELF. …and yes I am a black woman with a SMART, HANDSOME, DRIVEN black man! I'm all for improvement, but black women improving themselves doesn't mean much if we don't have much options. But of course then…you will tell us to date outside of our race because that's all we can do right? Please.

    • Tina

      We can leave the country. That's an option.

  • Loser!!

    Get a life. You're clearly not husband material. Jerks can get married, but they don't stay married!

  • Sharonda

    Daywalker and Headsmackaroni are obviously gay!! Listen to the words they’re using. I feel like I’m reading a comment from one of my gay friends…lol you 2 have a problem wth black women because we’re strong and you’re weak. We know a weak corny dude when we see them and they spotted yall 2 miles away and wouldn’t give you the time of day. Your fiancé will find out soon enough you’re undercover. Come to think about it, you 2 are probably mad because yall want to be us but can’t be us…lol you 2 sounds sooo ignorant and gay!!!


      Ha ha!!! So I'm supposed to be "GAY", because I don't agree with you??? Gotcha BYTCH……I have no issues with BLACK women, but I for DAMN surre ain't gonna sit here and CODDLE their azzes because we all know just how pathetic these sistas really are…

  • I agree with Vandellish. There has been too much gender battling. The last several hundred years has dealt us more physical, fiscal and emotional wounds than we can bear. However, we really have no real choice but to deal with it. Black women are hurting! Black men are hurting! It is different, but it is the same. Stop rubbing salt in those wounds. Start applying verbal salves to soothe our festering ulcers. Let’s start paying attention to Prissy and the other ladies who are looking for the men that are looking for their refined innate feminine qualities. Prissy, you are young. You are uniquely you. I believe there is at least one man out there longing for the wholeness of you. He has just to meet you. Practically, every married man I know, including myself, just knew when he met “The One”. Your task is to meet as many men as possible on your own terms. I found mine at a party that I had not even planned to attend. So, when you least expect it, you may meet “The One”.

  • Not-A-Fan

    ……this comment is for that dumb engineer who believes that he has it going on.

    he's soooooooooooooooooo wrong.

    99% of engineers don't have any personality AT ALL! So I seriously doubt that anyone would accept your proposal accept a Kim Kar-trashian type of woman……….making it all about your paycheck ————SPOOK!


      Thanks, FAT BYTCH….I'll keep thet in mind when I'm banging out the next HAWT chick I meet…


        THET= THAT ****(TYPO)***

  • Tony Sloany

    Prissy I feel for you and can find humor with your words at the same time. From what you say here at 23 I'm sure you'd like to have a real relationship right now (not one too serious) but as you know you are just getting started out there and have plenty of time to experiment in the dating world.
    All I can say to you is follow your instinct but at the same time keep an open mind and most of all have have in your search. As a male who's 14 years your elder I must say that I've felt some of those same issues with what women were 'looking for' over the years until I learned to focus on those who were looking for things similar to me.
    Be encouraged and good luck to you.

    • Tony Sloany

      Sorry I meant to say 'have fun in your search'…should've spell checked.

      • Prissy

        Thank you sir @TonySloany . And I sometimes misspell words on this site. It happens lol.. 😉


  • James

    how old are u Prissy and what do u do?

    • Prissy

      I'm 23. Graduating senior in college. About to begin my Masters in the Spring.

  • James

    how old are u? i live in London

  • Karteyer

    Why is it that as black people we refuse to view a relationship such as the Huxtable's to be imaginery or unreal? Black love doesn't always have to showcase ignorance. Yes we all have problems in relationships, but the reality is that we don't have to scream, yell, fuss and fight in order for it to be real. The Huxtables were an example of what real "Pure" love can be like between two people. Understanding, love and commitment is what I got from that show.

  • blkqueen39

    This list is nice if it's 100% true. The reality of it is if a man wants to marry you he will. bottom line.

    • Teflon Mom

      blkqueen39….say it louder. They don't hear you out here.

  • xquisite.dee.lyte

    You're have an ugly soul. A straight up fiend. Seriously! Your non-black fiance should be concerned. RED FLAGS should be going off, especially with all the time you are spending on a predominately BLACK FEMALE website. You have such a fixation for black women, that you must make your own self sick. Of course, you won't admit it though. Who else spends all this time (especially someone who claims to be an "engineer", knowing good and well time is essential) on a website spewing such hate> You probably are an unemployed engineer at this point. SMH!! As a women, your comments certainly do express what type of toxic man you are. Any woman; black, white, Asian, or whoever, should stay away from you and your toxicity. You should let your fiance read your comments. If she stays with you, well then, you two deserve whatever devil bliss you'll get. If she runs, good for her!!!

  • just another guy

    Well I am 22 so a few of these things may change. A women is marriage material if I can be proud to have her next to me or be around my family. She has to be educated or doing something productive with her life. She must keep herself in shape, have a great personality and doesn't have a sexually loose past. Also she must not have kids.

    Knowing how to cook would be such a great bonus 🙂

  • Brodie

    Good luck with the weight loss!

  • Seriously?!

    Umm… WAKE UP PEOPLE. HeadSmakeroni is obviously a disgruntled gay man who just got his HIV results back and is mad at the world… The world of black women. No straight man would dedicate over 30 posts to literally argue with black women on a site that caters mostly to black women! Lol !!! Why are you even here?! Lol. Pure Comedy.

    • xquisite.dee.lyte

      thank you! after reading his comments, this "guy" must have some serious issues that he is not admitting to himself.. Who else goes on a website catered to black women and spews such nonsense as he does. LIKE SERIOUSLY, GET OVER OVER YOUR PATHETIC SELF!! I can't believe their are humans that actually think like this guy.SMH

  • BP

    I don’t believe any of these qualities should apply to a certain race, or that a hue should be applied to love. I believe these are just a few of many factors a woman should think about when evaluating herself to connect with any man, especially with marriage in mind.

  • Kayla


  • MissKayasha

    Headsmackeroni and daywalker are some of the most nauseating comments to read its like you’re not even real and You’re just playing a stereotypical angry black man or an angry man who was probably burn once by a AA female.

  • Jacquie

    I've never worn a weave, but my hair hangs down my back. What you've said does not apply to all Black Women, no more than every general description apply to all men. That's STEREOTYPING. And since I tire of the news where men commmit violent crimes against women, always fighting (WARS), and try to populate the earth with as many as possible I won't elaborate any further.

    • Jacquie

      Did you ENJOY those stereotypes???

  • Huh?

    Who was talking about sororities?

    • zams

      My thoughts exactly!! had to scroll up and verify, but still didnt see anything about sororities.

  • Youknowwhatitis

    I got 'em all.."yaaaaaay." But I'm petrified of marriage. I say I don't want to get married because I'm afraid depending on someone and then losing them inevitably.

  • Jasmine

    Clearly you've allowed all of the hoodrat "females" you've allowed in your life to influence your opinion about black women. And not that this makes the situation any better, but you're black too….and ANY woman could make those same judgmental and false claims about you without even knowing or caring that you're in the engineering field, make a good living, and have your own place! You aren't better than us, fam.

  • pink

    i dont think iam wife m and iam a wife this is all bs infact alote of my family member used to tell me ur not going to be a wife m it turn out someone thought i was

  • Candy

    Maybe you're talking to the wrong women. If all the women you're asking out overspend, wear a weave, have bad attitudes and want a spineless man you might have a problem. A woman who wants a real man, one that can provide but still hold it down at home, be a good father opposed to buying designer gifts and be assertive (not abusive, there's a difference) are the ones who have good home training and likely grew up with a good male role model. I'm not afraid to say i want a man like my father (just not one that looks like him, my name isn't Electra).

    All you men that lump all black women in one group are just as bad as those feminists that say all black men are either abusive losers or gay.

    • bishop

      So true!!! I've had women hate on me and give me the side eye just because I drive a nice car, and make good money. I'm starting to believe black women are the ones who are intimidated by successful black men and deep down they really don't want to settle down and get married.

  • Candy

    I know what you mean. At my age (23) a lot of guys just don't want that yet. So the option is date older guys (I'm not against that!) or wait for guys your age to grow up. By the time half of them grow up, they have acquired a baby momma and accompanying kids (maybe multiple Baby mommas), a ex that won't leave, or have been turned off to marriage altogether. Not cool.

    So do you for now, date some guys that are either the exception to he rule or old enough to appreciate you, or settle for just having a casual relationship.

    • Candy

      But yeah, not all sorority girls are skanks and ho's, i know several that are professional, caring, beautiful women. Don't stereotype people darling.

  • Black women 17 yrs married and counting….

    Well as a black woman married to a black man for 17 yrs I must say it was not easy all the time. The problem is what your belief system is and one golden rule, treat your mate how u want to be treated. We were young when we started and now at 40 yrs old we are grown enough to understand our mistakes and accept each others flaws. We also compromise and know its not about one or the other, its about us and our child.

  • Msknowitall

    yes i am

  • rhondamarie1

    Bite it jerk.

  • Kristy

    I did not become a pharmacist, so I could become some ungratful black man: 1)cook, 2)maid, 3)baby machine. If a man wants a woman to know how to cook and clean then he should learn how to do those things himself.. This is why I date white men..They were brought up to help with household chores…Not to be lazy and dependent on women.. And how are black men to be head of household, if they cannot even stay out of jail…

    • Not-A-Fan


      ALL MEN who rate as LOUSY……….. generally have 2 or more women, minimum wage jobs, std's, bad breath and lots of excuses as to why we as women should go back in time and be MAMMY!

      No thank you! I've got my Ph.D. …..and if these black fools don't step up, I'll be in line for a Asian or Latina, myself!

  • BKS

    But to actually address the topic of the post, speaking from my own experience, to find a husband/long term boyfriend, you do have to take an honest look at yourself. I've been with my guy (and yes, he's BLACK!) for over two years (he's 38, I'm 29), we live together, both earn good livings, we have a great relationship, we're planning to get married in the next year or so, But it hasn't been easy. We've had to make some major adjustments. I think a lot of young people today are just very selfish and self centered. You just have to be flexible and willing to make the necessary changes to keep a good man. I think it benefitted me that he was older than me and was able to guide me in the right direction and help me become a better woman/gf. Some of those things were personality flaws, but others were a product of me being in mostly emotionally abusive and unhealthy relationships. I had become hardened and unwilling to compromise. I had to open myself up and be willing to do things I've never done before (like cooking, lol. I actually love it now) but I know I've got a good man and I love him so there nothing I wouldn't do for him.

  • Melissa

    I have to agree with DAYWALKER I think black women need to get on black have some that are educated,non beligerent,aren baby mamas, and still ladies. But there are few majority now are loud,ridiculously rude,ratchet I.e. rainbow hair and a mess.i was raised to be a lady and act as such. Yelling an cussing up a storm five kids four different baby daddies its ridiculous. My mother never nagged my father let him be a man cooked his meals and weren allowed to sit at the table until he sat down he got the big piece of everything… I just feel like they stuck on he needs to do for me and he can take care of himself theres no sacrifice in the relationship

  • thatsenough

    You just reek of pure ignorance. Your vocabulary when speaking to people you have never met is deplorable. Clearly you have a self hate issue against your own race (half black classifies you as black). Which is why you are so disrespectful towards black women. Pretty sure you have few black male friends because you are more than likely intimidated by what a real man looks like. Either way I am done wasting anymore time on you or your asinine statistics.

  • BKS

    If anyone wants to read an article with INTELLIGENT, RESPECTFUL and MEANINGFUL discourse regarding why some men (both black and white) shy away from dating/marrying black women, check out this WSJ article:… Yes I know, the actual article is saying that black women should consider dating white men and when I first saw it, i thought to myself, 'oh boy, here we go with this again' But when I read the actual comments I was pleasantly surprised to see there was actual mature discussion going on, no one calling people names or commenting about weaves or somebody being overweight..

    • Tina

      Yeah, also the researching did actual research on who our target groups are, if we're interested in going outside the group, which should occur as well as leaving the country.

  • Curious1

    I too "make him better' to mean…giving him some other POV or suggestion or push to think about somethng in another way…encourage him to try or to support him in a decision he may make…Support…and ***GULP*** sometimes..(biting knuckles…and hiding behind a rock from the tomatoes that will be thrown)..but also sometimes..GENUINELY and SINCERELY "MALE EGO-STROKING"…..not nauseatingly sugary sweet…but touch his neck, ear, back, pat or rub and say…"I trust you…I know you can do it…to have you thought about this way/that way…just male ego stroke..and yeah…LOL…using your feminine wiles..and some reverse psychology….carefully….has WORKED for me each/every time…and a Smiling Black Man. who Tries something and succeeds at it..thru your encouragement..and an amazing sight for sore eyes..and so cute to see….AAAAwwww…..(and yes as tough as my Hubs appears to the world…firm and stubborn even sometimes, behind closed doors….I'm one of the FEW who can get him to .."rethink something..or go a different route about something…(while he may think the Change was his idea…me supporting it…….let me hush, before i mess myself up i here …esp if he winds up reading this….LOL…

    • L-bridges

      My view on wife material: A constant balance between being a no nonsense kinda woman and the kind of woman knows how to humor him by stroking his fragile ego and preparing his favorite meal. I'm a woman who loves to be in control, but I'm turned on by the man can take the driver's seat and make me feel safe on the passenger's side.

  • thatsenough

    Correction that was supposed to be but* not bus.


  • thatsenough

    I usually don’t post on these blogs bus after reading headsmackeroni and daywalkers post I had to.

    First let me start by saying I am not only a proud black woman I am 27, educated, don’t have any kids, I have my own car, a good job and my own apartment. The disturbing part about both of your posts seem to be that you are classifying all black women in the hoodrat category which is not only ignorant but just out right incorrect. You name how black woman have all of these children out of wedlock but I promise you they didn’t get pregnant on their own so why not address the irresponsible men who fathered these children and usually end up walking away as if they have no responsibility at all. You talk of these young men committing crimes and elude to it being their unwed black mothers fault but tell me where is their father? Yes there are many black women who are single parents and their children end up being great kids however if we are going to be real women (and I mean all women) can’t teach boys how to be real men. Boys need to have a strong male role model in their lives so instead of blaming it all on the black single women who are left holding the bag because the father of their child decided they didn’t want to be bothered why don’t you help the problem by going to the local boys and girls club and being a big brother to a young black male Instead of spewing this ignorant talk of how its all the black woman’s fault.

    Secondly I don’t wear weave however if its something I wanted to do why would that concern you because the last time I checked you wouldn’t be the one paying for it, I would. So why is that even a factor on why you just don’t like black women. If weave isn’t your preference then so be it but weave shouldn’t be in your top five reasons list of why black women are evil.

    Next you notice I never said black fathers as I talked about men walking out on their children? That is because you don’t have to be black to be a dead beat father and to abandon your children. Just like you don’t have to be a black woman to have kids out of wedlock, have an out of control attitude, or wear weave.

    Also you address black women’s bad attitude. Some do have really bad attitudes but again that does not represent the entire black woman population as a whole. Also some of you men misconstrue a black woman that doesn’t take any shyt as a black woman with a bad attitude. Please believe me when I say that a kind good hearted black woman who wears her heart on her sleeve does not make it pat the position of Corporate America but the take no nonsense black woman will. Trust me I know, also please don’t mistake take the meaning of no nonsense and interpret it as being the same as belligerent or cold because its not.

    Last thing then I am done because this post is long enough. Have either of you ever thought that all you happen to attract are the hoodrats? I can admit that yes there are a lot of hoodrats in the world but there are just as many educated, put together black women in the world so why is it that neither of you can seem to find any of the quality black women but your cup runneth over of the type of woman that neither of you can stand?

    • L-Boogie

      And let the church say, "AMEN".

    • BKS

      ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ COSIGNING ALL OF THIS TRUTH.COM ABOVE^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    • Tina

      "Secondly I don't wear weave however if its something I wanted to do why would that concern you because the last time I checked you wouldn't be the one paying for it, I would. So why is that even a factor on why you just don't like black women. If weave isn't your preference then so be it but weave shouldn't be in your top five reasons list of why black women are evil."

      What he is say is that wearing weave is a turn off to men. I agree with this, because even as a black woman I think they look awful and most people don't like what is not genuine. Black women look better when they make their own hair attractive. It's more approachable then a woman with fake hair because they look SOOOO cheap, like prostitutes. Sorry, it's not even about the money. Also fake crappy eyelashes need to go because it look drag queenish. Most men want a real looking woman to settle down with.

      Also, congrats that you did things the right've achieved the ability to take care of yourself without having OOW children. These things are basic, hun. Why are we wanting a pat on the back for doing the most basic things? Also, I agree with you that not mainly hoodrats are ghetto and have OOW kids but what is sad is that they are making up the majority of black women. There are more bad black women (hoodrat) than good ones unfortunately.

  • BKS

    This whole topic of 'why cant black women find a man' is sooooo tired, I cant even believe im using my energy to type a response.. but basically guys like HeadSmackeroni and DAYWALKER are just rabble rousers/instigators.. They are only here to insult and incite, there's no use in even trying to convince them otherwise.. Bashing black women is the en vogue thing right now so you have all these yahoos jumping on the band wagon. I mean the things you're listing arent even original or based in any intellectual thought.. Its like "oh you're fat and wear a weave" like REALLY???? Wow thats so profound and enlightening. I get it now. If you 'men' want to add anything productive to the conversation or something that would help black women (which I doubt you care much about) I think it would benefit people more if you spoke about specific experiences you've had with black women and what they specifically did or said that turned you off instead of lumping everyone together.

    • Bianca

      I'm tired of it to boo. We need more topics like how to treat your black man/woman like a king/queen. Or, how to catch that black man and keep him.

    • shellfish

      YOU know…..they have a mental illness……and honestly, the drama that goes alone with having a Black man….I would rather be single…….

      Let the White and non white women put up with their issues and drama…….
      Let them take them off our hands and make room for men who really can appreciate a Good Black woman…..

  • blackinthehat

    Why does everyone want to always say, "well white women do this or white women do that." Who frickin cares what they do! This article is aimed at black women hence it being displayed on a site geared to black women. White women are neither the target or concern. Stop trying to say white women do it too. We need to better ourselves.

  • Curious1

    WHAT…that is rude and ignorant and offensive as HAYLE…How the hayle do you group a woman from a Sorority in with Hoes and Skanks…if they are a hoe and skank..they came to the Sorority as such…a sorority is not a brothel..GTFOH…and Sorority chicks can't help it if Men are attracted to some chicks in sororities….depending on the sorority…it can bring out the best in a chick..and develop her confidence, poise and self confidence YET how to still have some GRACE and LADY-LIKE qualities reinforced and instilled in her……Some many Men seemed to like that..Heck, I LOVE that..being a Lady and looking acting like one..regardless of my Sorority Affiliation..but how RUDE
    Examplr..My sorority hosts an annual High Tea here in GA at an amazng hotel in one of their fancy tea rooms..and we wear gorgeous hats and dress like ladies when we meet…YEAH, when we arrive all men (and women even,lol)look and stare,smile like we are and they (the men)get real CHIVALROUS….I've had Valets to Business men, bell man other random males staying at/ visiting the hotel asks Who Are U Ladies…not "Who you HOES Beee…" Men like a Lady in the Streets…and a Freak in the bed…lol….but dang..your comment…


    • Curious1

      COMMENT is FOR PRISSY who I hope will respond civilly and we can just post..not get all racial hating and whatnot…just debate civilly…not personally…

      • Reese

        It might also be that they are not trying to settle down yet. Women need to make sure guys they are dating are interested in marriage or a wife before you can think about if you are marriage material.

  • HeadSmackeroni


    Over 50% of AA women are obese, you guys make up more than half of the hair industry (and I don't even mean hair products, meaning hair vendors)

    When a white women wears weave, is she wearing a texture totally different from her own? No, she is wearing a texture common among WHITE WOMEN, same goes for Asian women obviously.

    And you guys are also responsible for the majority of OOW children, seeing as it is your choice to keep them, have them, and let a guy slide up in you unprotected in the first place.

    Like I always say, close your legs, open a book!

    • shellfish

      I see lots of skinny Black men with OBESE white women….these women are so large they can not sit in a seat…..

      So why are you talking about BW being Obese…..?

      The thing is you are so facinated by white skin you are willing be with them regardless of your what you don't like…

      I seen this skinny BM with this white/asian woman wife… she had to weight about 350 pounds…I swear… it was so embarrassing…..she was so bossy, smelly and just plain nastly….he would never had a black women looking like this…..I would be glad to furnish you the picture……

      He was treating her like she was queen of England of something….I see it all the time…….

      He would rather have something like THIS than to have a pretty well educated Black women…'s a mental illness Black men have…..

  • Curious1

    Uh-oh…I was only responding to this post…I didn't realize how you felt about ALL Black women…got it…I thought you were posting for some general feedback and not racial hatred…so ignore my response..The color of my skin has already made you mad…

    take care…

  • Curious1

    My Husband is an Engineer…and I can attest to the amount of woman who still clammer at his ankles when he may respond to their inquiry on what he does…I'm a nurse BUT I am also a romanticist and love to make a Black man smile and I am old fashion too and think men do need to be pampered, spoiled a bit even..just things done for them…Roles… they've always seemed to like that…I know that is counter-productive to the whole 100% Independent Woman spiel…which respect and am but I'm more Interdependent, partner up with the Man in my life, make room for them…well, him…since I'm married not a GF or dating…lol…

    • I am Woman

      It's true- I'm dating someone with a wonderful job, takes care of his body, etc and it's amazing how many women are interested in him despite the fact that he is unavailable. It's like the fact that he has money overshadows everything else. It seems like some women are willing to trade in all the other important qualities for a fat wallet and nice abs.

  • Lauren

    HeadSmackeroni, I’m just wondering who your comment was directed at. You used some of the same words that I did, but it seems like you missed what I was saying. Was that for me?

  • Mrs. Jonez

    It’s pathetic how men get together and down women, no matter what color they are. Engineer or not, psychology suggests that ‘hurt people’ hurt people. So all you folks are doing is going back and forth with individuals who are hurting to some capacity. Individuals who are not intelligent enough not to catagorize and entire race of women based on their unfortunate experiences.

    Just sad!

    • HeadSmackeroni

      So it's a problem when men are telling you what THEY as men consider "wife material" on a blog that consistently tries to speak for men?

      Psychology suggest alot of things that end up being complete BS. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that, there's a reason they practically hand out of those 'psychology degrees' after all, lmao. I mean psychology tells us black women are physically inferior to every other race out there based on features that seen as more masculine….so…I guess that's true, right?


      • queenchae

        If I'm not mistaken, the writer of this blog is a man. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I've read up on that psychologist to whom you're speaking, HeadSmackeroni. He's pretty ridiculous. LOL He's been denounced by several professional organizations.

        I welcome your perspective, but I just would like you to use more respectful words. I agree with parts of your argument, but you just don't present it in a way that encourages positive discussion.


        • queenchae

          Umm..then I guess you must've met Nativeson personally to know that it's a pseudonym for a woman who is married to a white man. Are you dense? It would seem that anything not in-line with your personal philosophy is abhorrent.

          Sad. I sincerely wanted to hear your perspective on the issue, but the level of disrespect in your discourse is appalling and far too much.

          I wish you the best.

          • HeadSmackeroni

            Um the writer of this blog is a woman, again are you dense?

            Blog does not = post.
            Learn to read, lol. For such 'educated' black women you'd think you'd have a better grasp on reading comprehension.

            • queenchae


              Thanks for the entertainment.


              • Brodie

                Survey says; ITS A BOY! I remember his name from the article about what men like to see women wear "Six Fashion Trends that Men Love and Hate on Women" <That one

                Then of course he calls himself "a pretty normal guy".

            • ANON

              I guess that engineering degree did help you here. LOL!

        • queenchae


          Unfortunately, those who choose to resort to disrespectful words bark a lot louder than those who wish to teach through a more productive and encouraging method. What's interesting is that these negative individuals refuse to acknowledge that their choices are not bringing any relief to the plaguing issues.

          Black women have issues…black men have issues. Most stem from our complicated past and such thoughts and ideals being passed down to each generation. I fully believe it's possible to move beyond it, but it will take work…lots of work.

          I almost wish people without something constructive and positive to say would just remain silent. Their ridiculousness is sickening.

        • queenchae

          That's why I just keep posting 'LOL' and 'HAHAHA' to everything this person is posting on here. He isn't trying to discuss…he's trying to incite.

          Some people are utterly ridiculous.

        • Keep it Real

          The writer of this post of a black man. He has post in his twitter account @nativenotes

  • HeadSmackeroni

    What does your education, cooking skills, and giving 'spirit' have to do with making a marriage last?

    I could marry a woman who didn't even finish high school if I loved her, and she was 'wife material' in my eyes, someone that I could see myself being with for the long haul. I could marry a woman that didn't cook at all for the same reasons.

    However some silly broad that apparently thinks college is worth more than a nice degree or two, and a higher paycheck, and has a giving "spirit" so she can pat herself on the back? Hell no. LOL I have some nice degrees myself, earn a great living, why would I require those things in a wife when they don't benefit me, a marriage, or a relationship of any sort?

    You can really tell alot of black women don't have many family members that went to college honestly, because you are the only group of women I've ever seen that put a DEGREE in a list of things that you think make you wife material. It's a degree, not a personality. My fiance' has a degree and works in the engineering field just like me, makes good money….if she decided to quit her job, and wanted to be a stay at home mother somewhere in the future it'd be okay. =)

    I take care of her because she is my future wife. Maybe black women should stop trying to be the man and your precious 'thugs' would act like men.

    • L-Boogie

      I have purposefully ignored some of your comments but you are rather harsh. Black women are told that you have nothing to offer yet when we put our qualifications out there it is as if we are bragging. This is personally very funny to me. Considering you just mentioned how your fiance has all these wonderful qualities including her career. I am happy you found your soul mate but for those who do not have theirs it is really annoying to hear how bad we Black women are even when we have the very things that many Black men claim they want. So please enjoy your life with your future wife. If you want to help us, transform the thugs into gentlemen.


      And let the CHURCH say "AMEN"……….

  • Dr. Swagg,MD

    All you have to do is reference the verse in the Bible: who can find the virtuous woman. There wil be a list of qualities she should posses. Hope this saves a few gentlemen from making grave mistakes.

    • L-Boogie

      Proverbs 31

    • Hi –

      The chapter is Proverbs 31

    • Bianca

      Preach Pastor Swagg!

    • If you're the man referencing Proverbs 31 please make sure you're referencing ALL of 31 and not just the Epilogue….

  • Pingback: Be Honest Ladies: Are You Wife Material??()


    Ha ha!!! and so it begins….That's it, ladies….Let's see just how many of you will just give a "THUMBS DOWN" instead of actually answering or responding to what I posted….After all, it isn't like what I said isn't true, now is it??? LOL!!!!

  • Brodie

    I was checking for your comment. You never disappoint.

    • Anna

      Wow! Thanks.

      I think….

      • Teena

        Great points! Especially about "do I make him better"……my last relationship I tried my best to support him in his dreams and goals that he wanted to do but he still would not do it. He wanted to go back to school, I took the liberty of signing him up….he didn't go. He wanted to open a business….I did all the leg work sat down and showed him how he could start out….never happened. In the end, he let fear define his life. Working and coming home not striving for what he could accomplish deep down in….I saw so much in him, and did my best to support, feed his ego but unless he wanted to do it, it wasn't going to get done. Now on the other hand, had he wanted to do it but didn't have a women that was willing to do it push him, he still would not have gotten it done. So it works both ways. He has to want to do it and you must be his motivator.

  • Lauren

    michelle, My family got called that also, but it was always from people in single parent households. They called any family where everyone shared one last name the Huxtables because, sadly, it was rare and that was pretty much the one of the only intact black families they could reference. I know that there are in fact black families where both parents are highly paid professionals, but it’s just not common and you shouldn’t be seen as settling if you don’t marry a rich man. With the state of black families these days, people should first just working on not becoming baby mamas and daddies before they think they have to snag Cliff or Claire. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to marry a rich man, but whomever I marry has to understand his role as a husband and father whether he’s a businessman or a bricklayer. At this point, I’m not looking for or expecting a man to take care of me, but I’d like to meet one who can at least take care of himself. He doesn’t have to have a mansion, Benz, or millions in the bank. But is it too much to ask that he have a roof, transportation, and a job? I know times are hard, but if you’re looking for wife material to be there and grow with you, you have to have future goals and a plan to reach them in a timely manner. Most (not all), single black men have no clue what it means to be a good husband and father because they had no REALISTIC examples. They’re perfectly fine letting their women do all the things they should be doing as men, and the women are more than happy to do them. I haven’t given up hope just yet though. I’m still hoping to meet someone on a similar path who I can grow and improve with.

    • HeadSmackeroni

      What does having two highly paid professionals as parents have to do with a happy, healthy family?
      Where do you black women get this pitiful notion that working in an office, and making good money makes one happy at home? =)

      My father spent years in an office, moved his way up to run his own business – I never visited an office a day in my childhood, was raised in Cohasset, a very wealthy New England suburb, and my mother even with her advanced degrees was a stay at home mom.

      You can really tell who didn't grow up with any money or education in the family from what they value the most in people, and themselves as they grow up.

  • ANON

    I just do not get it. After reading all of these comments it is simply annoying how many men come on this website to daily abuse women, especially Black women, get over yourselves.

    • ANON

      Hello, Daywalker. I am not one that bashes Black men; however, I find it really hard to believe that you have not met at least one Black woman who does not act like a hoodrat or anything else derogatory. Thank you for your reality check but I am more than aware of the reality that I exists in and exude. But maybe instead of bashing Black women you can put in a manner that is not as rude. Just a suggestion.


        Okay, "ANON"….Since you're being cordial to me, I will extend the same courtesy to you as well…All that PROGRESSIVE BLACK MEN want is for AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN to deal with roughly 6 things…I will post them now, and we can discuss them.




        *TELLING US MEN WHAT YOU "AIN'T GONNA DO", and then getting upset when we go find women of other races that will..

        *Coming into a relationship with a list of wishes and desires which you want in a man, yet being incapable of demonstrating how YOU can bring anything into a relationship, and also failing to realize that just becausr YOU want a man which fits your "CRITERIA", he may not want you, or he may have women who are far more attractive and have more to offer than you do….

        *And this goes for women of other races as well, because they fail to realize that women of other races find BLACK MEN handsome as well….

        Would you care to discuss this, ANON? Or are you going to turn a blind eye to it in the manner that MOST BLACK women do when asked about this topic???

        • ANON

          No, I am not scared to have a polite discussion between two adults. Let's discuss the topics that you laid out.
          –How about the many Black women who do not wear weave are relaxed or natural?

          –Out of wedlock children is an huge issue within the African-American community. But there are Black women who do not have children (myself included).

          –Belligerent attitudes–this is something I really have a problem with. It seems that Black women are automatically linked with bad attitudes as if we have permanent periods.

          –The list of qualifications and "ain't gonna do" — not much to say on this one.

          Ready? Let's go.

    • DeepThinker

      Oops I meant snagging rich black "men".

    • Reese

      Do your own reality check? We don't care what you think. Stop projecting your inferiority on us. It is so obvious. I will ask you this how do you stack up to the white man or other races. You? We already know you are failing, but instead of improving yourself you talk about what is wrong with bw.

  • Timothy

    If you're all the great things you claim to be and not married, perhaps you need to reevaluate how great you think you are. That, or you're extremely unattractive.

    • ANON


      • Prissy

        BURN?? LOL I don't get offended by people I have never met. Thanks @ANON.

    • Prissy

      And I'm only 23.. LOL I never stated I wanted to be married this young.

    • Sasha

      Prissy ignore his little boy outburst. You know better. Timothy you should probable invest in an etiquette class.

    • Sasha

      SMH>>>WOW!!! I hope your just a racist bastard who have nothing better to do than make generalizations because if your black you have just disrespected your mother and every woman in your family. FYI I AM A BLACK WOMAN WHO IS KINDA BEASTY IN THE KITCHEN AND I KNOW A TON OF OTHERS JUST LIKE ME SO PLEASE GET OFF YOUR SOAP BOX BECAUSE YOUR OBVIOUSLY SPEAKING ON A SUBJECT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.

    • Timothy that is what she is talking about….no need to be rude. reevaluate yourself!

    • Reese

      Not n or soeeccessary it could be her area. Say she is in compton or somewhere else. And not everyone has the same ideal of wife material as well. Just like my ideal husband probably differs from every other woman on this site. I have met really good guys who were attractive, but no chemistry or boring.

    • Reese

      What are you talking about. I cook all kinds of things. And if your ideal of good wife is only cooking I doubt you will have a successful marriage.

    • Joann Pierce63

      Timothy, the women was created to be a help meet. Therefore, she was designed by God with strength and tenacity. She was designed to hold you up when you become discourage by life and circumstance; To nurture you back to health when the world around you, society, work and life alone desires to keep you pressed down. She was created to become your energizer bunny.

      The problem comes when we as women step to the plate and stand in our own places and not taking the position that the man in our life should have.Tthe men become intimidated by our naturally beautiful inner and out strength. The real woman, the one that God created us to be, not the one that society has tried to shape us  into.

      Therefore, if she’s doing her part and staying in her lane and still not married, it’s because you and men like you have fell to take your rightful places, step up to the plate and make us the honorable women that God created us to be. This does not apply to every woman and it does not apply to every man, but it does apply.

  • Brodie

    There is a contradiction between the "Do you settle?" and the "Do you make him better?"

    I'll admit I'm am not a wife type for most men. I know why and I ain't complaining. I think I'd look stupid trying to make a guy reevaluate his preferences just so I can qualify for his affection, imagine how I feel about giving someone else that courtesy.

    • Tiffany

      You must have misunderstood.When they mean 'do you settle',they mean someone who is content in their personal life,career, family etc.For example,a person who settles may have been working in their position for over 4 years,and have yet to be promoted.Their content for the sole purpose of having a paycheck.When they say 'Do you make him better' I doubt it's a literal you MAKE him better for YOU.For another example,when me and my husband met,my husband was working a dead end job,lived in a studio apartment and was not very family-oriented due to some family issues.He had great character,personality and morals. With my love,support and faith in him(which is very much reciprocated)he has mended those broken ties with his family,pursued a career he always wanted but was hesitant about and of course we're not living in a studio anymore!I say all that to say the man of dreams will not always be ready-made,so I focused on a man with good character,morals,respectful with a good head on his shoulders.Material possessions can be acquired,a good man of good character can't.

      • Brodie

        I'm not talking about a man overhaul here. My father was the man in high school, the man in college, and still the man after 34 years of being married to my mother so it still doesn't make any since. He had a program, mom got with that program-no upgrading needed so again-it doesn't make any sense. Both godfathers and uncle-all had themselves pretty well together-no assembly required. And how do you measure character when capability is still needed?

        And judging by the feedback I might have hit an emotional button for a few folks (not you specifically).

        • Brodie

          2 things

          1. You don't know if I have a degree or not or the kind of person I am-I haven't given you enough information so you're projecting.

          2. You are engaged to marry so addressing a woman you are unfamiliar with in highly inappropriate, even on the web.

          • HeadSmackeroni

            I'm engaged so speaking to other women isn't okay? Well damn I guess we can see why you're single. LOL

            I'll be sure to tell my female superiors at WORK that I can no longer answer to them, or speak to them because I'm engaged. LOL

            Your ass isn't married, not engaged, and most likely single – wtf do you know about what's "appropriate" for engaged people? lol NOTHING!

            lmao. Silly ass.

            • Brodie

              I'm single because I didn't say "yes" either time I was asked.

              "a woman you are unfamiliar with" -so what you do at work doesn't count right? You are posting using your emotions and not your brain. Really sad because you could have avoided this exchange had you just left it between me and the MARRIED woman I was talking to.

              I guess you figured you were entitled to some sort of dialogue with me because you are a man and that qualifies you to give unsolicited advice to a woman you don't know. EWWWW!

              So not only did you project but misread my post AND you over appraised yourself. Now who is being silly here?

              • Brodie

                "my female superiors at WORK " so either you are unfamiliar with your company's chain of management or you're reaching either way the burden falls on you, not me.

                The rest is just projection (again) and name calling that really don't matter because………….
                I am unfamiliar to you and v v. Has it really gotten to the point where a stranger thinks of himself so highly that he will try to rattle cages on a female centered website? LOL

                You're out of pocket.

                • Brodie

                  In your field or at your job which is it geez? You are still trying to find your way around my second point because want to justify giving unsolicited advice to a woman who is a stranger to you. My goodness your sense of entitlement is through the roof.

          • DeepThinker

            Headsmackaroni seems awfully angry and bitter to be so happy in his relationship. It's not even so much what he says its the way he says it. Apparenlty his fiance hasn't touched his heart that much and she's probably a silly bird too.

            • Brodie

              I can't speak on the woman who is taking his name. But he is helping be understand what Tiffany meant about character. Guess you got it or you don't

            • queenchae

              Headsmackaroni is probably a single, depressed, dejected bigot sitting in his mother's living room typing out every angry thought he's ever had for all the women who've rejected him throughout life. Initially, I thought he really had a perspective worth acknowledging, but he's really just here to attempt at making people angry.

              We all know "those" people…the internet bullies who get their butts beat in real life. LMBO

              Poor dude…just pray for him. Jesus is missing in his life.

              • Brodie

                You ain't right LOL. *old people wheezy laugh*

                • Brodie

                  I'll follow you out.

  • Overit

    Congratulations to you and your future wife. Funny, I assumed your mother wasn’t black. Not that I care what you are, I pity any children your marriage bears. Respect isn’t something one “owes” simply because of roots. Your experience or probably lack thereof with “most”black women is not enough to generalize, but I’m certain logic isn’t necessarily a strength of yours. Just another example of the never-ending ignorance prevalent in society.

    Good day.

    • HeadSmackeroni

      Aw did I touch a nerve? Something I said must be true about yourself then, what's amusing is I have a ton of black female friends, all married, and happy, non-bitter women. =D

      Just because the bulk of you don't, and will NEVER be happy, or married to a man worth his salt doesn't mean all of you are doomed to a life of bitter, indenial, delusions.

      Do better.

      • Overit

        No, no nerves struck. I just prefer to have respectful discourse. I may not agree with your perspective, but I respect your thoughts so long as they are based on a collection of actual facts and personal experience. As long as it is acknowledged that your personal experience is not with MOST black women, professional or otherwise, in this world.

        And no, I don't respect child molestors. However, they have proven themselves untrustworthy and not worthy of respect. I don't know you. At first meeting, you will have a level of respect from me until you prove that you don't deserve it. I would hope that is understandable.

        • DeePDX

          I hope in the future when you come across Head's comments you'll be better off ignoring them.

          For someone who hates black women he spends a good deal of time on this website, which I categorize as being a sociopath. It's not very healthy for anyone to engage in conversation with him. It's like a waste in brain cells. LOL, please spare yourself. Responding to his comments won't change his vitriol, nor his perverse need to always post comments to this site.

          • @DeePDX. you know I am about to take your advice and ignore these 2 clowns as well. Headwack and DayBreak is a representation of how our society is breaking down in so many areas. Now they have their right to choose who they want to love and past their opinion on black women, however, to be just down right rude and cruel is a bit too much. I am not even understanding why the HELL they on this website if they feel the way they do. As far as I'm concern they are doing black women a favor by crossing over to another race because they are not our headache. So I say good ridden to garbage and actually I feel sorry for whom ever get them. On that note I say good luck Headwack and Daybreak who ever you are

      • LOL……..again unbelievable.

      • Reese

        I think you are actually trying to help in your own misguided way. But you over generalize us. You are now admitting that you have friends who don't fit the stereotypes.



      • Overit

        Oh my. It looks like I struck a nerve. All caps, really? LOL No, I don't have to agree with either of you to know that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Your perception is your reality. Period. Saying "most" and "all" without clearly articulated statistics and empirical data is false generalization. To be honest, you two spit so much "I think, therefore, it's true" that I don't see the point in discussing anything further. What I find intriguing is that you assume you struck a nerve with me yet you're the one yelling on the internet. LOL Like I said, do you. Congratulations to both of you, but no one (regardless of ethnicity) wants to hear you ridicule black women based on the small percentage of black women you've known. Hilarious.

        • DAYWALKER

          May I respond?? I type in "CAPS" most of the time because I use "DRAGON SPEAK" when at my office, and if I don't flip back and forth, sometimes when I type, I'll type in all "CAPS"….Now that doesn't mean that I'm yelling at people, and more often than not, it's more along the lines of my forgetting to switch between normal typing and "DICTATING"….Nothing more. Either way, you also refer to the fact that I don't present "articulated statistics and empirical data" but truth be told, YOU DON'T EITHER, "OVERIT" so basically, your entire diatribe can be contributed to your hatred of men who call you out on your BULLSHYT….And I'm NOT yelling, whether you believe it or not. I'm not ridiculing BLACK WOMEN wheteher you believe it or not, and I'm not just slamming these sisters for the hell of it either. What I AM doing is akin to letting them know that they need to be cognizant of the way that they talk to these men if they choose to get married to men who don't sell DOPE for a living. I'm letting them know that PROGRESSIVE brothers choose women who are feminine, WHO ACT FEMININE and want to be WIVES….Anything else is BULLSHYT, and you KNOW IT…..Don't try to make it seem as though these men don't like these women for NO APPARENT REASON, because nothing could be further frorm the truth, and YOU KNOW IT….

          • Soldier

            In other words, you're say'in that "progressive brothers" prefer door mats, trophies, and/or lap dogs?!?

            • Native Gear

              Being feminine doesn't mean being a pushover. That's the "feminist" definition of it. lol

      • Reese

        Actually bm are falling behind in education while bw are progressing. We also have options of dating other men and you know that yall aren't going to fare well if we start comparing attitudes, jobs, education and responsibity.

  • Overit


    Perhaps you should consider dating/marrying a non-black woman. It seems that your disdain and disgust for the black woman is so overwhelming that you shouldn’t even bother. Furthermore, your tone is so sickening that whatever truth you want to share is lost in your arrogant vocabulary. If my husband spoke of black women the way you do, we’d have serious problems.

    This professional black wife/mother/woman would never consider you as husband material by the sheer attitude you exude.

    • HeadSmackeroni

      I am already engaged to be married to a beautiful non-black woman. =)
      It's no issue for me, seeing as my mother isn't even a black woman, she's white. I owe black women no 'respect'.

      • ANON

        I am sorry but as a human being everyone deserves respect. Although your mother may not be black your grandmother probably is.

        • HeadSmackeroni

          Which grandmother would that be? My white mothers, mother?
          Or my black fathers, mother? (who I've never met btw, because she's dead.)

          LOL. and no not all people deserve respect, would you respect a child rapist?
          I thought so.

          • DAYWALKER

            HELL NO, THEY DON'T!!! Do CHILD RAPISTS deserve RESPECT??? How about someone like CHARLES MANSON??? HE DESERVE ANY??? She really needs to STFU already……

      • crystallineentity

        OMG- you guys are over the top. If you're happy where you are and with who you're with and don't have anything constructive to say and dont care one way or the other- go away. why post here. I don't get it. are you in such dire need for attention. Sheesh! Although it's hilarious, all this grandstanding is making my brain hurt.

      • Jazz

        If you dont like black women. Why do you read or visit a site for black women? Something about black women is captivating or intriguing to you.

        • Doodzy

          Lol, that's exactly what I'm saying to myself! xD

        • Preach it!

      • And I see you are a second sad case as the other person "Daywalker." Good luck with the marriage and Thank You for doing black women all a favor and ignoring us.


      CONSIDER being with a NON-BLACK WOMAN??? HELL, I PLAN TO DO MORE THAN THAT!!! There's NO WAY IN HELL I PLAN TO BE WITH ANY AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMAN in this day and age!! NO WAY, NO HOW, NO STATE, FORM, OR FASHION!!! I AIN'T GONNA DO IT!!! HELLZ TO THE NO!!!! BLACK WOMEN IN AMERICA WON'T EVEN BEGIN to look at the issues that BLACK MEN tell them about and for the most part, there are really only 6 things BLACK MEN complain about:





      *And the whole notion of "WHAT THEY AIN'T GONNA DO FOR NO MAN", yet failing to realize how women of other races WILL do those things and then their act of getting pissed off when those men "JUMP THE FENCE ON THEIR ASSES"…

      *How they are quick to post up a list of WISHES, DESIRES and WANTS in a man, yet never speaking on what exactly it is that THEY THEMSELVES bring to the table/ RELATIONSHIP….

      THAT'S IT….And to be honest with you, the "professional black wife/mother/woman" is usually UGLY as hell, OVERWEIGHT AS HELL, and has the absolute nastiest attitude you'd ever have to deal with in ANY woman!!! Now that may not be you personally, but I've dealt with enough supposedly "PROFESSSIONAL BLACK WOMEN" to know just how envious, calculating, opportunistic, and brazenly disrespectful they CAN be. Sorry, but you can keep em'…As a DESIGN ENGINEER, I have access to plenty of women, and I can personally tell you that I can pretty much pick and choose who I want to get with, and for the most part, It's not the majority of BLACK WOMEN from AMERICA that I MEET…..

      • Overit

        I constantly acknowledge the issues that black men deal with in this society and worldwide to be honest. As a black woman, I cannot fathom a lot of the mistreatment both covert and overt that black men must endure on a daily basis. However, no matter how not-so-pleasant black men I've met in my lifetime, I will not generalize that all black men are that way. It's simply untrue.

        What amazes me is that both you, Daywalker, and Headsmackeroni, have no problem lumping all or most black women into the same category. I've met plenty of deadbeat dads and abusive black men, but I don't believe it's fair to say that MOST or ALL black men are that way. I'll I'm asking you to do is acknowledge that no matter how many black women you've known, you simply DO NOT know enough to make such blanket, general statements about them.

        From what I've been told by a plethora of people across ethnicities, no, I am not an ugly, overweight, rude, arrogant, emasculating black woman, but I also don't believe that MOST of us professional black women are.

        • Overit


        • HeadSmackeroni

          It wouldn't matter to me if you did lump all black men together.
          I am speaking for no one but myself when I post here.

          My mother is white, and my father is Black (not American born btw) so not one of your statistics apply to me.
          I am biracial and will never deny any part of myself, my mothers blood nor my fathers.

          Thanks for the comment though. =D
          Also if you know plenty of dead beats, and abusive men then I suggest you change your living situation.

          • queenchae

            I never said I dated them. I've known them and known OF them. My husband is neither, and I can't say that I've ever had the experience with one on a personal level.

            • HeadSmackeroni

              Sure thing you've known of them.

              And I know OF child rapist, and dog abusers because I can see them on the news.
              Get real you delusional idiot. LOL You KNOW those dead beats, and those abusive men.

              Do better………


              • queenchae

                LOL Take your own advice.

                😉 Be blessed.

        • queenchae

          I meant "However, no matter how many not-so-pleasant…" I'm typing too fast.

        • DAYWALKER

          First off, as a BLACK MAN, I don't need you to talk FOR me. If I have something to say, I am more than capable of expressing myself.

          Secondly, I don't lump "ALL" or "MOST" of any damned thing. I am making a statement based on MY OWN PERSONAL experiences with BLACK WOMEN…Nothing more, Nothing less…I would be a damn fool to tell you to go off with a person and not refer to your own past experiences with men as a way of dealing with them and YOUR experiences (WHETHER GOOD OR BAD) are YOURS…The way you felt is the way you felt when dealing with those men just as the way I felt is the way I felt when dealing with those WOMEN. HOW DARE you act as if my own past experences don't play a role in some way as to how I deal with my future relationships??? Don't even GO there, because I can assure you that you would be WRONG….And you may not feel as though YOU personally aren't an "ugly, overweight, rude, arrogant, emasculating black woman", but we're only getting YOUR SIDE of the equation, aren't we??? We certainly aren't getting everyone else's now, are we?? In MY OWN personal experience, I can vouch for everything HEADSMACKERONI is saying, and also add that these females NEVER recognive the issues they have with maintaining a proper weight…

        • theoneash20

          Appreciate that…. Most women are really not concerned with what men go through with women when we fall short of a certain stereotype

      • So why don't you just focus all you attention on the so call lovely "non-black women" and leave us pitfful black women alone. Afterall we are not worthy of your attention. Why in the HELL are you on this website anyway? Unbelievable!…………LOL

      • Reese

        Well consider being with a nonblack man. 1/3 black men are in prison. They are the lowest money earners of all men, the lowest educated, the most violent, have the least wealth, 70% don't take care of there children, have highest divorce rates. So get you a white woman, but you probably won't keep her based on statistics. BW/wm have lowest divorce rates, followed wm and am, bm/latino men than whites. So the issue isn't only the bw. Headsmacker is typical confused stereotype of biracial person. Thank God he likes non bw. You don't want him passing that on to black kids. But they are on bw website more than I am. Why? Bw must be on the mind.

    • beachgal

      I'm a white woman reading this article. Doesn't make it better. 🙂
      i would like to hear this same issue from the perspective of a man in their 40's and 50's when the raising of kids is not in the picture. What on this list would change?

  • michelle

    Lauren why is having a “huxtable” family unrealistic?? Understood it was on tv but I grown up witj huxtable families, my family was call that a lot, is it just because we can reach for a name that explain the verything we look for? Ok if we say the “Thomas'” family is the model family is that better?

    Ok back to the list, I think its so much more simplier than that, because I know plenty of women who can’t even boil an egg, who hates family,settles,doesn’t communicate, and are married, I think the most important thing a man require is a women that easy breezy,goes with the flow, who is comfortable, one who accepts him and his xbox and that he likes wearing sneakers with a suit.


      Ha ha….Keep believing that bullshyt, OK, MICHELLE…..You just keep believing it, ok??? And while you're at it, STOCK UP on KITTY LITTER, CAT FOOD and plenty of scratching posts, because I can see numerous FELINES in your immediate future, young lady…After all, when you set your sights LOW, don't be surprised if you never get the things higher up on your list of life's expectations….In short, if you marry a BUM, don't get mad when that BUM never buys you a house, a new car or anything worth having in life, OKAY?? Just answer to "MISSUS BUM" and deal with it, because that's what YOU chose for YOURSELF….A BROKE ASSED BUM who wears "SNEAKERS WITH A DAMN SUIT"….Just be "EASY BREEZY" when you find out that he knocked up that chick from 2 apartments over…."GO WITH THE FLOW" when you find out that you now have an STD that you'll never get rid of as a result of that same woman he screwed you over with, "BE COMFORTABLE" using VALTREX for the rest of your life, and "ACCEPT" his BROKE AZZ going to jail for selling drugs, because he doesn't have any marketable job skills and sure as hell doesn't want to go to school to learn any and make sure he has plenty of X-BOX CDs when you find out that his gay azz got turned out in jail and now sucks more dicks thatn YOU DO…..Good luck with that…..I'll be banging out a SNOWBUNNY, because I've pretty much given up on BLACK WOMEN (PRIMARILY AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN) for the most part these days…….

  • Lovingmydreams

    The agree with THEBLACKPATRIOT completely…this often surprising to my fellow sisters. But the funny thing is men like often say they want these things, but when they get them arent so sure how to handle it. Just as things have changed greatly with women over time, men have changed a great deal as well. Many men no longer know how to lead, they dont know what it means to be the head of the household…we all have a lot of work to do. Like Wanting More, I too know that my King is still being prepared for me. I have not and will not give up on Black Men!!

    • Jacquie

      You hit it "dead on the head"! Many men don't know how to lead or how to be the "head of the household". Heck! Do they even want to be the head of the household??? Many act like THEY DON'T WANT ANY household responsibilities.

  • Wanting More

    I do have to agree wit Prissy. I am all the things on your list but always end up being the friend who I want around but do not want to commit to. That is a little disappointing although I have some great male friends but I waqnt more than that and know that my knight in shining armor is still being prepared for me.

  • Lauren

    It seems as if it’s always black folks who grew up with a single parent who use the Huxtables as their ideal. Those of us who grew up with both parents at home realize that was just TV. I have the ability to dream, but I aspire to have a realistic marriage like the one my parents have, not a made up one.

    • Doodzy

      But wait… how were the Huxtables not realistic? I know, given the scope of the media (sitcom), there are elements that will make it more unrealistic than reality. But a loving husband and wife raising their children as best they could is not unrealistic at all. They had their ups and downs too. 🙂


    I think this is one of the hardest things women today struggle with. Not because they are incapable of many of these "wife qualities", but because society, media, friends, etc tell them that makes them weak. Feminism is deep rooted in the psyche of or society, whether we want to admit it or not. Black women are not immune to this type of thinking. The very idea of making a meal for a man, is foreign to a lot of women today. I strongly believe in gender roles. not because im an outdated sexist (though i'm sure i will be called on), but because I think they work. Men and women are designed both physically and emotionally different, these differences compliment each other. Many women strive to remove the very things from their persona that make them female. that hard, assertive, take charge, no-nonsense, attitude that pushes you all in the corporate world, is what holds you back in the dating world. Opposites attract. Men like soft, cause we are hard.

    • kitt3katt

      Good points.

    • blackinthehat

      This is the absolute truth being spoken here!!! I applaud you, because hardly anyone else understands this! BRAVO!

    • Curious1

      I AGREE with this….People can hide it if they want to..but there are ROLES…from the Human Race to the Animal/Plantae Kingdoms …why "people" want to act like roles don't exist always amazes me…Each Role mutually should benefit the other…One should not be parasistic to the other…nor predatory…but symbiotically benefitting…

      Shoot, logically thinking , how can we ONLY expect ROLES to exists everywhere else EXCEPT between Human Man-Women..(I.e roles on a job…to roles for parents – roles in church…) EVERYBODY CAN'T BE THE LEADER, somebody has to be a FOLLOWER…each role important for their niche…
      This "Dating" and Wifey-Hubby" Material "Bucket List is not Rocket Science…but just BIOLOGY and all part of Darwinism..and Freudism…LOL….Just Playin'…

      • lol

        The problem with men today is that they don't want to acknowledge that "THE WORLD HAS CHANGED'. It is all well and good to want to hold fast to the traditional models but just remember that there are traditional models for BOTH MEN AND WOMEN. Traditionally women were nurturers and home-makers and men were the providers. I think for the old models to really hold men have to be the kind of men that they were before SOLE PROVIDERS/BREADWINNERS then women can be like they were before, but its unfair to expect a woman to go to work all day and work as hard as you do to help keep the lights on but not expect to SHARE some of the power that is associated with being a provider. Most households these days are shared income…I see this all the time, men in general rely on their wives to help them fulfill their roles and obligation and they do very little to assist a women with her obligations but still somehow believe that they are entitled to a greater sense of respect/reverence. If men want to be the leaders that they once were they will have to start being just that again, LEADERS not PARTNERS or ASSOCIATES.

    • crystallineentity

      Well what you are saying makes sense but there are actually women out there who don't want to get married. They are perfectly happy being single and don't want children. Being married means everything you do has to have the stamp of approval from someone else; you no longer make your own decisions. For women who have been on their own forever, that can be hard to adapt to. Guys should stop assuming- heck society should stop assuming that just because a woman isn't married and has not had children she is unhappy. That may have been the case in the past when women had NO choice but to marry to survive. In modern times women have many more choices and that's a good thing. I personally do want to marry and my BF and I have weighed the pros and cons of it and certainly we are both at a point in our lives where we're settled and ready to share. it rocks

      • Stanley

        I think this articles and most comments in it target women who want to be married. So you leave those women who don't want to be married out.

        • Reese

          no, lots of reasons why. Some are like Oprah who don't want men to have access to money or success.

      • I am Woman

        I think that women who say they don't want to get married (or at least be in a meaningful relationship) are lying to themselves. If you say something enough times you might be able to convince yourself that it's true. I absolutely miss my single life, absolute freedom, and extra time with the girls, but my perfect connection with another person brings me a much greater joy than any of these things were able to when I was single.

        • lol

          Is it so hard to believe that other people may actually have a different view point or belief than you do? Different people do exist in the world. The funny thing is some of these women you're talking about may actually be more honest than you. Are you familiar with decision bais? Its common when you make a major life decision as it actually helps you to live with that decision and avoid things like depression. There are some great positives to pairng with the same person and sharing that type of connection you are talking about no doubt but beliieve it or not there are also negatives its just that people in your position don't focus on them or tend to understate them because its very difficult to reverse such a decision after you've already made it. Someone who is not in your position amy be better at weighing the pros and the cons than you are.

    • Shontia Johnson

      To Blackpatriot, I have to say I agree. Many women, not all, but many don't know their place. Now, of course their are some men, who will play games no matter what.

    • Natasha

      Please tell what are the emotional and psychological differences between men and women that are complimentary?

    • i agree 100% and i am a victim of this too, instead of helping my mother out with cooking while i was young, her and my gma would kick me out of the kitchen, and demand that i do my homework instead…what has happened in our society (not black, i'm a hispanic woman, this goes for all cultures) is that we focus on a woman having her career…once they get their educations and careers, they're left alone, with no cooking skills, and the opposite of the points noted in this article…not saying it's a bad thing, but it's ok, it's just a different way of life, just like woman who can cook had a different way of life

    • Reese

      But what men don't understand is we need to respect you before you can have any of that. I think this is why we are having problems becauase so many womens are making more money, more educated and in better positions than male counterparts. You cannot have it both ways by saying I want to be the man in the relationship and have your hand out or even expect everything 50/50. You need more than the right genitals to be get sugmission. You have to have respect and trust.

    • "Feminism is deep rooted in the psyche of or society, whether we want to admit it or not."

      You're right it is, but feminism isn't the issue. It's society's willingness/need to define humanity and humanity's need to fall in line. For me feminism isn't about "not cooking, not cleaning, not being a supportive partner." It IS about stepping up and embracing every aspect of my personality.

      It is my job to define myself in accordance or opposition with whatever stereotypes await me because that definition creates who I am as a result of myself and not in spite of other forces.

    • I don't think being "hard, assertive, take charge, and no-nonsense" makes a woman any less female. Opposites do attract, but that doesn't have to come from preconceived ideas of what masculine and feminine characteristics are. Gender roles might work for some people, but not necessarily everyone. For instance, I would go insane if I had to stay home all day and be a housewife. I'm just not wired that way.
      I believe in doing nice things for the man I love, not because I'm a woman and he's a man, but because I love him. I happen to enjoy cooking, and even though I am very much a feminist, I would love to cook a meal for him. But if he did the same for me, I'd also appreciate it. I don't believe in people doing things simply because of what genitals they have, but because that's what they want to do, and if they're doing it for a romantic partner, to do it because they love their partner.

  • SoTrue

    You left out PERSONALITY. I think a woman who is kind, caring, considerate, loyal etc is "Wife material" too. I acquire these traits and hope one day a man appreciates them.

    • Tina

      Staying in your lane is not unleashing your full potential. Women are supposed to marry higher up, but they need to be trained on how to appeal to higher end men. Do not stay in your lane unless you have low self esteem and like it that way.

      • “Women are supposed to marry higher up,” your leading
        statement is too vague and general. What do you mean when you say; “Women are
        supposed to marry higher up?” Suppose by whose rule book? Where did you pick up
        this little tablet of street wisdom?

        Given you believe what you say; “am I to understand” that
        you bring to the table equal value? Experience, income, knowledge, energy, resourcefulness,

        When you say “higher up, rather than [equal to] am I to
        understand your position to be hypocritical?  

        Get a grip Tina . . . I am one of those “higher ups” that
        you suggest. And no, I neither any of my peers would even consider the likes of
        you. It is not your social economic status that makes you unattractive as a
        lifetime partner . . . it’s your lack of moral character!

        Take a look in the mirror . . . it shows!


    • Ariona

      Don't tell a man that you have the traits he's looking for. That will make him think you're desperate. As far as the being family oriented, a lot of couples don't ever have children and are happy. And for settling, that's the reason couples get married!!!

    • mike

      here is a easy list
      1. be loyal
      2. find the right man that will be loyal to u
      3.of course have feels for him as well as him towards you
      4. never give it up on the first date and of course be dating he must say it.
      5. love him above all others and he should have the same mind frame. Becuase he and your kids will be ur family.. you can still love your parents and siblings. Do they share your life now? If you can't you should not be married.

      For my list above yes i am married I put my wife first above all others.. Been married 8yrs now never once cheated on her and all i ask she do the same. For me as a man all i ask for is to be loyal to me and show love. It is that simple yes you might open yourself up to danger but choose right then should be ok.