Dating during the “me years” can be difficult. In your early 20s, you’ve got one foot in adulthood, but you are just barely removed from teenage silliness. As you get a little older, you may find yourself trapped between your relative youth and the increased pressure to “settle down.” Meanwhile, the men in your world are growing and changing in ways that might not always match up with what you need or want. Check our list of some of the common romantic missteps young women make; laugh, cry, reminisce…and try to avoid them if it isn’t too late!
Feeling Too “Grown”: Some of us felt like the second we turned 18, we were as grown as our mothers and as adult and ready for the world as someone with far more life experience. That sad exaggeration of ones maturity has led more than a few women to feel that it is the virtue of their adulthood that makes them ready to settle down into a serious relationship. While many people do find their life partners at 20 or 21, most of us will need to spend a little more time learning about ourselves, how to love and how to be loved before we are ready to start a lifelong commitment. That said…stop trying to salvage wack relationships because you feel like you have to stay with someone forever and stop acting like 20-something isn’t still super-duper young. If you find magic, hold on to it, but if you haven’t found someone special, you are far too youthful to feel like you need to settle for what you can get.
Sexual Silence: You are likely out of your parent’s house and you can finally get it on when and wherever you please. Fantastic. unfortunately, it takes many women a while to get comfortable enough with sex to start talking about it with their partners, hindering conversations that can not only enhance your sex life, but can save your health as well. If you are grown enough to have sex, you have to be ‘woman’ enough to talk to your partner about what it is you like, what you don’t like and how you REFUSE TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX. Do you hear me? REFUSE, DAMMIT! No woman over the age of 20 should be sitting in a clinic looking shook because she was afraid to say that she wanted her partner to wear a condom because she thought he’d get mad.
Poor Communication: Our tongues get tied when it comes to other important romance issues as well. Many of us don’t know how to talk about what we want from a relationship: some 20-somethings will carry on a casual affair in silence because they don’t feel empowered enough to say, “This isn’t what I wanted,” while others will just blurt out “I was thinking if we got married, we could do it at my grandmother’s church,” on a third date. You have to find the perfect balance of honesty without giving too much up or hiding what you need to say.
Clinging On to the Wrong Man: Many of us have found that we’re more ‘relationship ready’ (or perhaps ‘willing’) than the men we date. If a dude doesn’t want a commitment, don’t crowd his space and DO NOT have a sexual relationship with him in hopes that he will see the light (something far too many twenty-something women attempt). If you want a boyfriend, find someone who wants to be a boyfriend.
Silly Games and Rules: It’s fine to have age limits on who you will date, but being 24 and saying that a 23-year-old is too immature because he’s younger is a little bit much. The more barriers, requirements and rules you enforce, the smaller and smaller the dating pool will be. You don’t need to get with any random dude who asks for your number, but you do need to be a bit flexible. Your twenties are the ideal time to find out what you do and don’t like and you may be a bit surprised by what you find if you take the time to explore, as oppose to shutting so many doors.
Unrealistic Expectations: How many times have you heard someone say something along the lines of “I want a dude with Jay-Z’s swagger, Barack’s intelligence, who’s got the perfect balance of street and corporate sense…and I want him to have an athletic body and some dimples.” Seriously? Chili is that you? LOL @ you, sister girl. Again, you don’t need to settle for something that doesn’t make you happy, but don’t be out here chasing something that you’ll probably never find.
