Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Should I Date A Man With A Newborn Baby?

July 9, 2014  |  
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NaaQuaye: Why do some guys find it difficult to open up and how can you get them to do so?

DY: This is the thing: Guys who do actually care don’t have difficultly showing it. If he doesn’t seem to care enough, he either doesn’t care, or he’s too emotionally immature to be with.

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Sandy: Should I date a guy with a newborn child? He says broke up with the mother of the child while she was pregnant.. He is employed has his own place…

DY: Probably not. Sometimes it can be difficult to avoid drama. But, you definitely don’t want to willingly sign up for it.

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Kehryse: Should women tell their boyfriends their Number of past lovers if asked?! And why do men ask?

DY: I don’t think people should ask for numbers. But if someone does ask, tell them. If he can’t handle the truth — a truth he really shouldn’t even be asking for — then that lets you know he’s not the one for you.

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Cordis: With the rate most guys lie now how can you know who truly loves you?

DY: Two things: 1. Some guys lie. Some don’t. But thinking “most” do creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

2. I know this is a cliche, but if a man is truly in love with you, there really won’t be any doubt. You will definitely know.

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L’Quita: What about if you have been engaged for about 4 years. Is marriage still going to happen? What is he waiting on?

DY: Four years is a pretty long time to be engaged. Extremely long, actually.

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Phoebe: I’ve realized that a woman can be independent, free spirited, open minded in the bedroom and be sexy yet the guy leaves the relationship. What can I do to prevent this from occurring. How can I keep a man?

DY: Nothing. You can’t keep anyone from leaving. But, some men have a history of doing stuff like that, and some men don’t. Dating the men who don’t is the best chance you have.

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Kimberly: How long should you casually date a guy before deciding to either move on without him or move forward with him. Or is there really a time constraint for men?

DY: That’s your call. If you feel like there isn’t much potential for a future, it doesn’t matter it it’s been two weeks or two years. You should move on.

(But, while I don’t believe in arbitrary time limits, for adults, the two year mark is usually the “sh*t or get off the pot” point.)

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Patricia: I am legally still married. I have been separated for two years but haven’t had the money to file for divorce. My marriage was abusive and the man I was with before that for 4 years. My friends think that every relationship I’m in won’t last until I get divorced what is your opinion?

DY: I agree that being married — even though you’re separated — would be a huge red flag for many men.

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NeNe: Mr. Young, I seem to always attract younger men in their late 20’s and in their 30’s. How serious can this be for a woman in her 40’s?

DY: Age doesn’t always equate to relationship maturity. A 27 year old could be just as relationship-minded as a 45 year old. While I wouldn’t advise anyone to date someone twice their age, I don’t see a problem with a woman being with a younger man.

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Clarey: My husband cheated me, what should I do? I have 1 year old baby…

DY: Honestly, I don’t know. This is one of those questions with no easy answer, and I won’t pretend to know it. Usually I’d advise people to leave in situations involving cheating, but marriage and new parenthood makes things different.

 

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com

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