Girl, Keep Your Eyes Open: Signs He’ll Cheat, Way Before He Does

December 3, 2012  |  
"Man caught cheating pf"

Why? Because we’re told we’re not “allowed” to get mad or be suspicious yet: he’s not our boyfriend yet. This has led many women to believe that behavior pre-relationship is not indicative of what a man’s behavior will be post-commitment – as if he just transforms into a new man once he takes on the title of “boyfriend.” Yeah right. Here are early signs a guy will cheat, way before he even has the chance. And yes, you should look for them.

"Couple arguing - PF"

He is weird about past relationships

If he won’t share details about his past relationships, odds are it’s because those details wouldn’t make him look very good. If it were just a crazy ex, or a nasty breakup, he’d dish. Everybody does. But when the storyteller is the antagonist in his own story, he’s usually not itching to share the details.

"woman checking phone pf"

None of his exes talk to him

If he has one or two exes who hate his guts, that’s normal. But if every single girl he’s ever dated would slash his tires given the chance, that’s no coincidence; the common denominator in all of those relationships is the guy. And if he didn’t cheat on all of those women, he at least acted shady. Women don’t hate a guy for being wishy-washy, or wanting different things than them. The guy has to really mess up to be hated.

"Spilled drink pf"

Somebody throws a drink on him

If an ex ever does walk into the picture and throws a drink on the guy, or slashes those tires, do you really need any more evidence? Add that to the fact that he refused to tell you details about that breakup? Again, cheaters get drinks in their faces.

"Couple arguing pf"

 

He is crazy jealous

People usually fear the most what they know lives inside of them. A crazy jealous, suspicious and controlling man usually is so because he has first-hand proof that cheating happens…via himself.

"Black woman upset on phone - PF"

You’re not always invited

The guy has odd reasons for you not to come to certain parties or get-togethers, like it will all be people from work and you’ll be bored, or it’s more of a guy’s night, or you won’t like the bar. Come on; a guy that really likes you and isn’t up to anything shady wants you around! Even if you would be bored, he wants you there to keep him company! But, if there is the potential to cheat, or even just act inappropriately with other women, he won’t want you there.

"Couple cuddling pf"

He is very passionate

He is very romantic, he falls in love in a second, he has grand ideas of trips you’ll take together, and the kids you’ll have together, and you’ve only known each other for a few weeks. This guy lets his heart (and probably something else) lead the way all the time! And somebody who believes whatever the heart says is someone who will often justify cheating with, “But it just felt so right at the time…”

"Woman Man Facing Each Other-PF"

He believes in soul mates

Similar to the very passionate guy, a guy who believes in soul mates will believe it’s perfectly okay to cheat with a woman, if he believes she is his soul mate. It could be because they love the same weird flavor of ice cream, or have travelled to all the same places—there are a variety of frivolous reasons people believe to have found their soul mate—but if it happens, that little bell will go off in your guy’s head, “Ding ding ding! Soul mate found!” and he won’t think any rules apply to him.

"black man shrugging shoulders pf"

Conflicting stories

There are only two reasons a person’s stories shouldn’t match up: they are planning you a big surprise, or they are cheating. At the very least, hanging out with another woman in a capacity that’s just not appropriate. But people don’t just forget where they’ve been all afternoon, or forget details of their week.

"Couple hugging pf"

It’s hard to get him to commit

If a guy didn’t want to give up his freedom for months or even years, dragging you along in some sort of pseudo-relationship with unclear lines, he will either end the relationship quickly after it’s confirmed, make a terrible boyfriend, or cheat. It’s just that simple. Don’t trust a man who you had to lasso into committing to you.

"Jealous woman PF"

He dates multiple people while he can

Sure, you’re not “technically” a couple yet. It isn’t “technically” cheating if he sees or sleeps with other women during this time of limbo. But the fact that he used that technicality to his advantage is not a good sign.

"Woman yelling at her boyfriend pf"

He is friends with bad exes

He is still friends with exes who he had terrible breakups with—breakups that involved screaming, constant fighting, atrocious acts, and perhaps even cheating. There is only one reason a person remains friends (if you can call it that) with an ex that he has such a turbulent past with; there is something he still wants out of that person. Whether it’s to make her jealous, or to make her love him again, in some way he still deeply care what that person thinks about him. He’s still trying to win the battle that never really ended, just because the relationship did. And that’s easy territory for cheating.

"Guy on laptop pf"

He’s private about his belongings

Everyone is entitled to his or her privacy, yes. But, similar to the “it’s not technically cheating if we’re not official” rule, it’s not good if a man uses these rules to his advantage. He has a right to privacy, but it’s suspicious if he wants to invoke that right.

"Brand new car pf"

 

He buys you lots of gifts

He showers you with over the top expensive presents, constantly plans elaborate dates for the two of you, takes you on trips, and gets you a whole new wardrobe. Men who saturate their womenwith monetary gifts often have some narcissistic tendencies, and one is a mentality that they “own” their women. And when a man has that mentality, he usually thinks it’s okay to cheat.

"black man woman date pf"

He won’t compliment other women

He gets nervous if a woman so much as asks, “Do you like my haircut?” in front of you. He won’t speak to or even look at other women in front of you. If his friends are going on about how hot some chick is he pretends to not even notice her. This is usually because he has something to hide! A man who knows his intentions are in the right place feels safe speaking to other women in front of you, and even complimenting them. He knows where the line is drawn, and he knows he won’t cross it. Men who do cross the line, try to stay as far away as possible from that line when you’re around.

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  • Sombely

    what crap is this. If you follow half of these stupid, inane, contradictory rules you will deservedly be alone

  • Ronny

    This was definitely a waste of my time. You know a guy is gonna cheat on you because you know he’s not into you. Plain and simple. So what if he does, then kick him to the curb. Secret to a good relationship, make him love you first.

  • Librarated

    Madame Noire, I believe in some instances, you directly contradict yourself with your statements. I read on article where you said it’s perfectly normal for a woman to have multiple men jockeying for her attention, with the hope she can sort out the best option. On the other hand, I’m reading this article and your basically calling a man, “shady” and a “potential cheater” if he does the same. Is this just one of the many double standards of behavior that women think they are entitled to somehow because they are simply female? Inquiring minds would like to know!!!

    Signed,
    Librarated

  • Dude

    #6 You’re not always invited…
    I always do guys night out and its not to cheat… its to hang with the guys. women need to realize sometimes we do just like hanging with other men doing dumbs sh*t that doesn’t have anything to do with other women. Its so much of a double standard. My wife has girls night out, does that mean shes cheating no but when a guy does it its something up his sleeve. I dont invite my wife to a couple of places i go to because like the article says, she wont like it or will spend the entire time complaining about the place or the smoke or the loud people or the waiter or the bathroom or the drinks… you get my point. sometimes a dude just wants to go out with the fellas so that he doesnt have to feel like everything has to be perfect all the time. When i go with the guys there wont be any complaining or anyone saying they are ready to go. Thats what I call a good night out. when you take a significant other and she isnt having a good time then it becomes your responsibility to make sure she is happy which means you have to stop what you are doing (having a good time) and console her.

    I have told my wife, sometimes you make it difficult to take you anywhere because its just to much work. I know the everyones comment will be then you have the wrong woman but we all know that everyone has there own hangups and i have learned that you drop one and get another women, you are just getting a new women with a different set of hangups no one is perfect including me and my hangups as well.

    • ro lari

      I totally agree man. I mean sometimes I really do want to kick it with my boys and watch football or go to the bar or sometimes just not have my girl around. I mean honestly how much of a douche would I appear to be if we all are going out and I’m the only one to bring my girl? Love her but sometimes I wanna hang with other social groups SOLO. Has nothing to do with her or me cheating.

  • Susan

    I would agree with other comments that all women are in for it if this was our guidebook on men, my husbands of 13 years is a soldier, my father is a preacher my brother a police officer ..all very different men with different beliefs, whom all fall under different categories in this artical with things they all do.. now I’m positive some of these situations apply, but if they all did no man would be safe..

  • Ash

    I am sorry I wasted the few minutes of my life that it took me to read this. Did you just make this up as you went along? Truly aweful.

  • sickofthisnonsense

    More proof that black women are the reason for their own problems. What man would put up with this psychosis?

  • dana

    some of these reasons are just bogus smh

  • How about #1 you got with him when he was married/in a committed relationship. My one dumb azz homegirl is always stalking her “man’s” phone/ Facebook because he is married. LOL girl bye!

  • Google : narcissism. That helps

  • Nat

    why are most of the men in the pictures are black??? Subliminal racism

    • Drew Smith

      Get your life, Nat. Seriously.

    • IllyPhilly

      That dude about looks whiter than Lindsay Lohan

  • Nope

    #1. He will ‘cheat’ if he’s not really your man to begin with like in real for real life, which is true in at least 50% of cases.

  • bluekissess

    I think MN is starting to be a repeat offender. The SAME topics over again. If a women hasn’t gotten “the red flag” memo by now then they probably won’t get it.

    • ki

      i been saying this…and when i commented on the repetitive comments the writer tried to check me! i would love a little variety…some health articles, food, fashion, etc.

  • TT

    Welp, that seems to cover just about anything any man would normally do so I guess we’re all doomed to get cheated on…

    • bluekissess

      How can women give advice on what a man would do? That’s why I can’t allow myself to believe this garbage. That’s like getting relationship advice from a single person.

      • FS

        Relationship advice from a single person can be a great thing. It could be better that that from a person in a relationship. Single doesn’t mean they have never been with anyone and if it ended then they know exactly the right advice to give. One can anlalyze a relationship much better when out of it than when still in it. So your comment is completely flawed. Like women learn how men function as they get the experience and start knowing exactly what men do when they are cheating. So women are the best to give you advice as they have experienced it all. The lies, the excuses, the contradicting stories, etc. Experience turns us into pros.

  • IllyPhilly

    First one contradicts another article that y’all had way back when saying, If he’s always talking about past relationships then he’s not the one for you which one is it MN?

    • Nope

      ………. Did the same author write that article……? Because MN has several different writers………………

      • bluekissess

        I don’t even think that matters. It’s the same topic.