He Is NOT The One: Signs He Doesn’t Have His Life Together

November 28, 2012  |  
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There always seems to be someone that is about to hire him, or publish his novel, or invest in his start up idea. But all the talk in the world can’t cover it up when it’s just so clear, a guy does not have his life together. Not even close. Moocher, slacker, loser—call it what you will—here are signs you’re dealing with one.


He’s always over at feeding time

It’s no coincidence that, like clockwork, he’s at your place at dinnertime every day. If he is hungry, and he had food in his fridge, he’d be eating it right now. He wouldn’t be on his way somewhere else.


Credit cards get declined

Everybody has a card declined once or twice due to trouble with automatic transfers, a check that didn’t go through or a slew of other problems. But if a guy regularly has his cards declined, that’s a problem. A person that can do something to avoid that happening again does do something. If your guy didn’t fix the problem it’s because he couldn’t.


He does laundry at your place

A couple items here and there that he happened to have with him is one thing. But if your guy is consciously scheduling trips to your place that correlate with when he needs to do laundry, and preparing piles to bring with him, he may not be able to afford the $5 to do a couple loads.



Your friends ask a lot about him

Your friends ask a lot of leading questions like, “What does he do with his days?” “Does he ever talk about any of his passions?” “What kind of dates does he take you on?” These questions are screaming, “This guy isn’t doing anything with his life!”


He has to move in with you

You don’t know when or how it happened. You never had the big gesture-romantic, “Let’s move in together!” talk. One day, he just had a dresser and some luggage at your place. And never seemed to return to his own.



He knows how to get anything free

He says he just likes to be thrifty. But no one likes having to look cheap. A man that can afford to pay for something will pay for it. Especially in front of a woman!


He spends money while drunk

Whenever he gets smashed, he has the urge to buy elaborate, unnecessary and expensive items. If you even so much as suggest he shouldn’t make the purchase, he snarls at you. People with major financial problems often use intoxication as an excuse to not worry about money.


He has you pay every time

He either conveniently has to go to the bathroom when the check comes, or forgot his wallet, or shamelessly asks, “Would you mind getting this one?” Again, men want to treat the women they like if they can! If he had the money, he’d be footing the bill.


You’re asked to “pick up” things

Asking you to pick up things is an indirect way of having you pay for them. Picking up the dry cleaning, the takeout, and the car that’s ready at the shop all of these things require—you guessed it—money upon pickup!



His friends don’t have their lives together

People aspire to be as successful as the people they surround themselves with. Some people surround themselves with more successful people for motivation. Others surround themselves with people who are failing, to feel better about themselves. If your man is surrounded by slackers don’t expect him to be a CEO any time soon.



He doesn’t care how he looks

He wears shirts with holes in them, rarely does laundry and goes out with bed head. The term “dress for success” exists for a reason! People that truly want to be successful dress as if each day could be a big interview, or the day they meet an important contact. And those that dress every day as if they’ll be on the couch all day, well…


He ones up people

He’s critical of people that are successful, he always has to be the one that is right in an argument, and he is always showing off. He needs his ego constantly stroked in social settings. Someone who feels deep down that they aren’t worth anything needs constant affirmation that they are worth something.


He won’t take criticism

Someone who truly wants to be successful and believes they’re doing everything they can to become successful is happy for advice or constructive criticism. They are confident enough in their own aptitude and efforts to not be offended by advice. But someone who knows they are not putting in enough effort, or perhaps are not competent, is always offended by constructive criticism.


He has no coworker friends

Generally a productive, successful work place is conducive to making friends. But if your guy is the leech on the team, always messing up, or slacking off, or showing disrespect for the work done at his job, he likely won’t have coworker friends.

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  • successful

    It’s one thing to not want to be with a broke dude, but this entire article is basically about having money. Good way to create gold diggers. Comment by a successful man who’s is disappointed to have read this article.

  • Pingback: How to Tell if You’re Dating a Slacker - Tips of Divorce()

  • More reasons for women to turn down a guy that might be good for them. Some of these reasons are just plain stupid, especially the last reason. I have a great job but I don’t hang out with people from my job, I hang with the same people I know from high school and the Marine Corps. I go to work to make money, not friends.

  • This website has made me dumber. Thanks. lol yolo *duckface*

  • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

    I got to No. 11 and stopped reading. Yes, these are signs of men that haven’t grown up but these are also signs of women who haven’t grown up themselves. It is one thing to have your partner’s back every now and then, but for all of these, all of the time? That is too much.

  • I started to worry because my ex wasn’t on the first categories, but he slowly fit the bill.

  • Ladybug94

    I don’t agree with the friends asking about him part. Just cause people inquire doesn’t mean someone is a slacker it usually means you aren’t talking about him enough and they just want info.

  • JustSayin

    You know what? I am a little off about this article. Maybe it is just me. Because; all of these signs don’t point to a total slacker. Just someone who doesn’t have his life the way he wants. I have two degrees, an apartment and I do good with my finances but I still don’t have a job. I can’t find one for nothing. So in a minute? I maybe looked at as a “total slacker.” But; I am not. If your man doesn’t want to work or doesn’t show the consistent strive for success then you can deem that he is a slacker. But; shoot.. maybe he is struggling and needs support. Don’t be quick to give up on a man because you look at these slides and your man matches a few of them.

    • Ladybug94

      There is a difference in not wanting to work and looking and not getting hired. If he doesn’t want to work, I say pass him by. Most women can deal with someone who is actively trying to look for a job but isn’t getting hired.

    • edsullivan

      No, it’s not about being a slacker, it’s about him wanting to be a child or a man. Any woman who does not want a real man in her life is a total fool and not a real woman either.

  • LovingMe

    I’m going through this now…***sigh*** and his a$$ is not trying to leave

  • Meyaka

    Women know when a guy isn’t the one,many don’t care as long as they “have a man”.

    • Tierra

      I know my guy isnt “the one”. But its not that I just want to have a man, its that we have an awesome relationship (friendship)and I really do not know how to end things and keep him in my life, so I’m sticking around hoping that he will morph into the one. Okay, glad I said that out loud. sounds crazy as ever lol

      Sometimes its not at all about desperation.

      • gracie

        @Tierra, am in the same boat and I tell myself all the time that as long as it works for now, am good.

        • Joe

          Good luck being a single mom.

      • Meyaka

        Well,waiting and hoping that a guy will change isn’t the best idea,but I hear you.

  • IllyPhilly

    I am highly offended by that picture because that’s just what I looked like last night including the orange soda. Damn I’m not the one either.

    • Meyaka

      Lmao!!!! you are so crazy