If It’s Broke, Fix It: Why Some Friendships Are Worth Sticking Out

July 27th, 2012 - By Desire Thompson

“Friends let friends wear cute swimsuits!” Source: Deborah Willis

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
 -Oprah Winfrey

Friendships are something that take time, especially when you’ve been friends with someone for a long time. When I moved from New York to Georgia a couple of years ago, I wanted to cherish the friends I still had back home but still create new relationships in my new one.

I met a lot of girls and created new friendships (I believed worth having). I didn’t realize that in creating those relationships, I inherited new ones with even more people (you know, that whole friend of a friend thing?). While my friends were all different from each other, they had one thing in common- they all had a situation where they just gave up on someone that they were very close to.

They would all say similar things: “We just grew apart,” “She’s/He’s too much drama,” or my favorite excuse, “I’ve outgrown them, we’re not kids anymore.” I wish we as people would understand that just because there are changes and an issue in a friendship, that doesn’t mean that you have to end it. It’s true that people change, you may not like the same things anymore or have values that align perfectly, but this is what makes us different. You don’t want to hang around someone is just like you, or an individual who is the same person they were when they were 17. So here are some tips on why you might not want to be so quick to hit the “eject” button when it comes to some of your friends.

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  • its_MYopinion

    This article gets a thumbs up from me. I understand that some people really aren’t worth hanging on to, but it doesn’t hurt to try to fix things. We…(well I know I do)..can get so caught up on how bad a person is or what the person is doing wrong instead of actually enjoying the friendship, and being stuck on those things is probably why the friendship has gone downhill in the first place. Plus, how is a someone supposed to know what they’re doing wrong if you don’t tell them? Some people really think they don’t do any harm, so as a friend you should be the first somebody to check them.

    I know to forgive and forget is easier said than done, but I always say what if God cuts us off and gives up on us as quick as we are to cut off our “friends” ? We have to love with no judgement and with love, there isn’t anything that can’t be fixed. <3

  • drea

    I lost the friendship of a girl i’ve known since the 6th grade. In adulthood we both failed at our “friendship” duties. Via facebook inbox messages we “broke-up”. I just feel like if i can continue to be a friend to you and you haven’t been the most perfect friend how can you “break-up” with me when at least i was the person trying to keep it going. As JCole says, nobody’s perfect. When my imperfection got on her nerves it was the deal breaker. GTFOH!

  • Jasmine D.

    I disagree with this just a little bit. I had a “friend” for over 17 years who, as it turned out, lied to me about her entire life down to who her child’s father really was, the true reason for why they broke up (she was sleeping with everyone including married men and her sister’s friends). I’m sorry! There is no way you can justify keeping such a friend; one who has been dishonest, who talks about you negatively to others when you are not around, is promiscuous and then lies about this secret life of hers. Sometimes it’s just better to cut your losses.

    You also have to remember that the friends you keep say an awful lot about you. “Birds of a feather flock together.” Um…no, I do not want to be known as a woman who condones this kind of behavior. Some friends are worth LOSING.

    • Childfree Diva

      Agreed. I had a friend I had known for 3 years who suddenly broke off our friendship. I did nothing, as far as I know, and when I tried to talk with her about the friendship, she just shut me out. One time, I called her and her husband answered the phone, and I asked if she were at home. He said she was, and I asked to speak to her, but she wouldn’t take the phone. I heard her yell out something toward the phone about not calling her anymore, but she refused to take the phone and speak with me directly. She went some brand of crazy on me, and I just left her alone! The end of a friendship/relationship is not always about YOU. I used to think that about the unfortunate friendships that have ended in my life. Now I realize most of them were about the other person and whatever issues or hang-ups they had, we just couldn’t get over. Some folks just need to get gone!

  • Keenah

    my friend of almost seven years is a pathological liar and a gossip other than that she is a great friend and always there for me and others too…but her lying and gossiping is what i cannot stand lately i have been trying to keep my distance from her i don’t wanna “break up” but i don’t want her all up in my business any more as well…decisions, decisions, decisions!!

    • Glory Girl

      Unsolicited advice: If those are not traits that you desire or inhabit, it would be best to break it off in the long run. You know the saying, “Birds of a feather…. “

      • asiam

        you made a good point “traits” and no we don’t have to be alike but our values have to match up, I had a friend of 7 years who “really” didn’t seem interested in me, or herself for that matter…it was always about a man, or event (that i can’t prove)… some mutual friends suspected she was a pathological liar…when she had a man i barely saw her, mind u i was in a relationship and made time for fam & friends alike. After I got engage she made no attempt to be involved…I told her our friendship just being one sided…she said she would be there for me…never spoke to her again… ultimately our values didn’t match

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