Convenience or True Love: Which Is Your Relationship Made of?

April 6, 2012  |  
"Man kissing woman on the cheek"

We’re taught to be “mature” about love, to not get “in over our heads” and so on and so forth. But all that conditioning to feel just a little less, has taught some women to believe they don’t need to look for passion anymore, but just something that works. And that’s a shame, because you can definitely have both. Here’s how you know if your love is true love, or just a relationship based around convenience.

"Couple holding hands"

It started slow

Many will argue but, passion is something that either is or isn’t there. Yes, you can grow to love someone because you see they are a good person, that they are generous, compassionate, good providers, etc. But, if from the get go, you weren’t excited to see them—you know, that feeling when every time the phone goes off you hope it’s them—you may just be into him because you know he’s a “good guy,” but, you’re capable of finding a more passionate relationship.

"Women drinking"

You crave going out

You need, at least once a week, to get all dressed up and go out. You become depressed if you don’t get seriously dolled up and gain some attention for it. Women in convenient relationships often get their kicks and flattery elsewhere. They don’t need to cheat, but the attention of their man doesn’t make them feel alive enough. If you were truly into your man, hanging around in your PJ’s with no makeup on and having your man say “You’re adorable” would be 110 percent satisfactory.

"Couple drinking beer"

You need to drink

Are you anxious, even bored, or feel like you’re waiting for the night to begin if you haven’t had a drink yet with your man? When you’re really happy in your relationship, you never feel like you’re waiting for anything to begin. The second you’re with your man, life seems to zoom by at a mile a minute because you’re so happy—even intoxicated—by having him around. If you’re ultra aware of the absence of alcohol, something is wrong. Try a night without it, and see if you still want to jump in bed.

"Woman sitting on the beach"

 

You don’t miss him

It seems obvious, but it’s actually difficult to notice if you don’t miss someone when they or you are away on a trip. Why? Because, we don’t notice the absence of a negative feeling. But, in true love, you fall asleep sending your tenth, “I wish you were laying next to me” text from your hotel bed. You want to give your man the play by play of your day via calls or texts. If you find yourself saying, “Oops! I haven’t spoken to my man in a while!” things may not be that passionate.

"Woman on the phone"

You’re never worried

If right out of the gates, you had no apprehensions about calling a guy up and asking to see him, even on consecutive nights, then you didn’t feel much was at risk. Come on. Every woman worries in the beginning about scaring a man off when she is really into him. If you don’t think twice about asking a dude to hang out for the fifth time this week, and you’ve only known him for a week, he’s more like a friend with benefits than a guy you’re really feeling.

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  • Ms12

    I don’t agree with “you’re not worried” point. In many other articles you always “teach” us to be self-confident and have trust in our relationships and our men. And now you say if we’re not worried about him, then there’s no passion in our relationship? Come on, it’s all about trust and loyalty… 

  • ZibyFortunine

    I think this is a good article but I wanna say this. While true love does exist and it’s a worthwhile thing, a relationship of convenience is better than an inconvenient relationship, and it might be better than no relationship at all. When two people come together to live and are kind and helpful to each other, they can accomplish more than if they lived apart. I’m not saying you shouldn’t break up with someone if you’re not really feeling them, but I think it’s important to note that if you can find someone who treats you well and is nice to you, that’s a blessing, even if you’re not really attracted to them.

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  • RenJennM

    That first picture of that couple is so swexy. Whether they’re a real couple or not, that’s a really nice photo. 

    Anyway, I admit that a good amount of guys in my life were kept around longer than they should’ve been all due to convenience. It’s not always easy to start over, fresh & new, when you’re looking for that RIGHT NOW gratification. I had to admit to myself that I’m not as mature in the relationship area as I thought I was (I’m only 23 btw). But that admittance is a big step towards growth. And convenient (aka bulls***) relationships are definitely something that I need to outgrow… in a quick, fast hurry.

  • FabienneDesrameaux

    LOL at this article it is so true and so appropriate for this time in my life. Especially the last part I definitely encourage the guys I date to see and meet other woman. Im not proud but I just cant force feelings and they refuse to leave me….n i refuse to be alone. Im a work in progress…