7 Things You Should Be Comfortable Doing In Front Of Your Man

March 12, 2012  |  

"Couple cuddling in bed"

I’ve been in some bad relationships—some I would even call toxic. And then I’ve been in some fully functioning, happy and healthy ones. And the major differences I saw between the two were these:

"Woman getting mad at her boyfriend"

Getting mad (at him)

You shouldn’t fear letting your man know when he’s upset you. So many women are afraid to bring up an issue because the guy either punishes them by saying, “You’re being dramatic” (if he doesn’t just straight up leave) or he completely goes on the defensive, making the issue ten times worse. Women can get pushed into a place of never expressing their thoughts about the relationship, for fear that it will make them more distant from their man, when that type of communication should make them closer.

"Woman yelling into phone"

Getting mad (at others)

Are you not a totally demure, rolls with the punches, never complains type of woman? Good! They’re boring! But some women don’t want to Itchbay out a cab driver who is clearly cheating her on the bill, or call out a friend who is being impossible to handle, or even curse out a guy who just said something sleazy to her in front of her man for fear of looking like a crazy Itchbay. But guess what? It’s healthy to be a bit of a crazy you-know-what sometimes, and you want a man that is not only okay with that, but finds it attractive that you don’t let anyone step on you.

"Woman crying"

 

Crying

Women are constantly criticized for being too emotional, so much so that we’ve become self-conscious any time we become emotional, thinking, “I’m such a girl.” Well…YEAH! You are a girl. Not to mention just an emotional human being. And believe it or not, your man wants you to be a girl. He will probably find it endearing that you’re comfortable falling apart in front of him. Truth is, men get off on making you feel better. Give him that chance and don’t go hide whenever you feel the need to cry.

"Woman looking in the mirror"

Being insecure

No woman is immune to the common things that make most women insecure. No woman. Every woman sometimes wonders if her man wishes she were more like his “cool” female friend who hangs with the guys. Every woman sometimes just needs to be told she is loved more often. Every woman has irrational days when she feels completely hideous and needs constant reassurance. That’s fine. Some men react poorly to that and will make you feel silly for it. But you want a man who hugs you, gives you that reassurance, indulges you in your momentary lapse of insecurity, and then forgets about it.

"Woman waking up"

Looking unkempt

Do you have that girlfriend who has never allowed her boyfriend to let her see her not done up? HOW do they do it? It beats me, but it’s also just not sustainable. And guess what else? Men feel closer to a woman when they get to hang in bed with her, looking the way she only looks at home. It makes them feel they’ve been let into her personal space, and that is a good thing.

"Woman sick to her stomach"

Getting sick

I know every woman gets insecure about it—bathroom issues. No matter what’s going on in there, no woman wants to admit to her boyfriend when she’s developing an intimate relationship with the toilet because she ate something bad! I’ve gone so far as to, on a vacation when I got sick, tell my man I was going to hit the hotel tread mill for a bit. I was secretly praying to the porcelain gods in the gym bathroom. I don’t want to have to be that secretive again, and you shouldn’t have to either. If you’re going to spend your life with this person, they need to know that you are human.

"Woman hugging man"

Being affectionate to others

Are you an affectionate person? Do you just get the urge to hug your friends—including your male friends—when they say something hilarious or sweet? Physical closeness is a human need! You shouldn’t have to suppress that urge because of a jealous boyfriend. He should be secure enough in himself to know that just because you hug, or even kiss on the cheek, a male friend doesn’t mean you want to tear his clothes off.

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  • Lil_E

    I’m sure by now, someone has mentioned this. I just wasn’t going to spend any more time reading everyone’s comments. True, everything written in this article is really based on your personality. I for example have noticed that I have not really been my true head strong self around others, and my significant other. I already know why and I am working on it. Moving on, the reason why I am writing is to answer the hugging question. I am naturally a touchy person, it took me a while not to hug everyone one I see. Yet I still hug ALL of my friends (male and females) every now and then regardless of whose around. My significant other is totally aware of this and was followed with a confirmation when I hugged one my friends for a long time (you know, that teddy bear hug). Hell I have a friend that I go to, just for hugs (by they way, they so hard to find). They are ok with that, the problem arises when you don’t mention this ahead of time or when some new person that you never mentioned before pops up in hugs you…yes they will be hurt (pissed/angry/ etc). So it goes both ways, I had an ex who had tons of female friends, I was fine with it. But I did warn him about the ones who wanted to be more than just friends, he didn’t believe me until after the fact. So other point is, TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS (this goes for both men and women). If you see them hugging someone like a friend would, then why would you be jealous… it just a hug. If its a teddy bear hug. And if it really irks/ bothers you that much, ask who that person was and talk about how you feel about it. YES FEEL about it. Jealousy is nothing but emotions gone awry.

  • Ashley-Louise Sinclair

    Physical closeness is a human need, but not from EVERYONE! This is where so many problems start. Boundaries are essential.

  • I read your post carefully and i think the all things are very useful for the girls. With the help of it they can not face any problem with the man in sex time.

  • legalese

    This list is exactly what you should not do if you want to keep your man. Don’t come of as angry/bitter/cynical (to him or others). Don’t let your emotions get away from you (for your own mental stability and objectivity). Don’t talk to him about what you think is wrong with you (we are our own worst critics and most of the things that you obsess about, he probably hasn’t noticed, so why bring it to his attention. If it’s really that big of a deal don’t talk about — be about it. Fix it.). Don’t give up the up-keep (you know you want your man to put forth the effort to keep things tight, so why shouldn’t you? Whether we like it or not, men are visual creatures and appreciate a woman who keeps herself looking right.) Why would you want anybody to know when you have the BG’s?!?!?! Don’t be anything over politely physical with the opposite sex. It shows respect and concern for your man and his feelings when you refrain from “kissing on the cheek” or intimate hugs with other men. If you want the security and stability of a relationship, it’s only natural that you give up some of the “urges” that are permissible to satisfy in single life. 

  • LisaHarris99

    I agree with a few of them, but surely only YOU can decide what you find comfortable and what you  don’t? There’s nothing you should do infront of your man, and if I’m real honest, there’s a few things included in this article that I would strongly advise NOT to do.

    Lisa Harris ~ http://truthsaboutmen.info

  • Misterdaddy95

    These are pretty good. As a brother, I co-sign with what the author is urging. Another one is, don’t obsess about your hair to the point where you can’t: go outside in the drizzle, go for a jog, have hot sweaty relations, walk outside due to humidity. We really don’t care that much about your hair. Only comes to focus when you constantly talk about its shortcomings. We down with you on good and bad hair days.

  • The last part is totally WRONG. I’m a girl in my early 20s, and call me old-fashioned, but if/when I get in a relationship/married, I NOR MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER will be “getting affectionate” with any friends of the opposite sex. It’s not about jealousy, it’s about respect, and putting your hands, body or lips on anyone except your significant amounts to disrespect and cheating. As for the other stuff, well, it really comes down to your personality as to whether you’re going to “itchbay out,” but I don’t like the idea that being assertive or not allowing people to walk all over you is being conflated with being a b/tch. We really need to do away with that stereotype; it’s not always about cussing someone out or getting “ghetto.” Also, I’m assuming that this article is for people who aren’t married or who aren’t at the point where being comfortable with each other is natural and doesn’t need to be coached from a checklist. I think it’s rather counter-intuitive to preach comfortability around someone and to do x, y and z if you haven’t allowed the relationship to naturally progress where you have real knowledge about the person and thus clues on how to navigate various situations. I don’t think you can read an article or a how-to-guide, since every person and relationship is different and you only run the risk of screwing yourself over by following some prepackaged, irrelevant advice. I don’t even have a boyfriend, but I say do what works for the two of you, and if you don’t know what works–try communicating, giving it time and figure it out.

  • @ looking unkept. My aunt goes to bed with make up on and puts in a hair piece that looks like “bed hair.” *smh* Her husband is long asleep or at work when she goes to bed. But if she likes it, I love it. 

    • Doesn’t sound healthy. If you can’t be real with your husband, then, aside from yourself, with whom CAN you be real?

  • Thanx for sharing all these wonderful Posts and Blog.I really like them and looking forward for the newposts.

  • IntercourseIsPainful

    Here’s some good advice. Never take your tampon out in front of your man, particularly in public, like at dinner, or concert.

  • Anna

    Getting mad (at him): You get mad, he’ll get up and leave. Men aren’t into knowing all that. They use that as an excuse to leave.
    Crying: Same as getting mad… He just toss you some toilet paper, get up and walk out. Men are not going to sit there and console you. He’ll just say, “I am not a psychologist… go handle that and don’t bring that drama bs here.”

    Being insecure: Another reason he’ll walk away. 

    Looking unkempt: Dudes dump women for having ONE BUMMY DAY. It “kills the dream”. Meanwhile, he’ll show up looking like he just rolled out of bed.

    Getting sick: He won’t even go to the corner store for the aspirin. It’s demanding too much.

    • Dee214

      Men don’t console you..my goodness who are you dating…the men you describe sound harsh and abusive…men can be kind loving and console you…time for you to get a new type of man…

  • alejandro

    Why are you hugging another man cos he said something sweet or cute…in front of your man….what kind of nonsense is that…

  • Ann

    Age ain’t nothing but a number for these loved-up A-Listers. My BF and I both think so! He is almost 10 years older than I. We met via ~~Agelessmeet . COM~~ a nice place for younger women and older men, or older women and younger men, to interact with each other! Maybe you wanna check it out or tell your friends: )

  • WiseMocha

    If I didn’t know better, I would have thought the writer got all of her tips from a rom com.  Some points were valid, but others would lead a women into developing delusional expectations for relationships.  Yes, you should be able to discuss and resolve issues you may have with your man, but literally “getting mad” (i.e. – hissy fit) at him can backfire majorly, even with a good guy.  
    Bottom line, crying literally freaks some guys out, so IMO, save those crocodile tears for times when he can actually comprehend why you are crying or at least until you are far along enough in your relationship that he won’t take off like an Olympic sprinter.  If ever tempted to cry in order to make a point or manipulate a situation, just don’t… please don’t.  

    As far as insecurity goes, let’s be real… most men don’t know how to deal with that.  You look at yourself in the mirror, and shout, “My thighs look awful in these jeans!”, and then you expect him to shower you with expressions of adoration instead of giving you a deer in headlights stare?   If that’s you, you have watched a few rom coms too many.  Yes, your man is suppose to build you up and make you feel good about yourself, but pulling the “Give me a compliment because I’m insecure today” card is, well, silly.   For those insecure days, my advice is that you to do what you would do if you didn’t have a man… just get over yourself!  Don’t put the burden of self-esteem on him!  Plus, we all know what Katt Williams says about self-esteem…

    At the end of day, what this article SHOULD have been about was being your authentic self around your man, but at the same time, don’t assume that your authentic self can’t use some work.  If you regularly scrap like a basketball wife, cry because your favorite show has been cancelled, and believe you’re a disgustingly fat size 6, then yes, you need to go work on your authentic self, and should do so before getting into a relationship.

    • LoneStarNot

      Though deeply tempted to recruit my woman as my therapist … that would violate my unwritten promise to bring my best self to her. The introspective analysis required to create that best self has to happen with others, or alone. “Mad” as a _brief_ emotional reaction to something in the moment is only human. I’d expect most partners just to let that pass. “Working through problems” is not the same. My favorite technique is writing … either to analyze/decompose/frame a difficulty before it flares up, or after a tiff. Anger transitioning to irrationality is frightful. It’s one team; the danger is outside.

  • rule number 3 is ratchet. you should never let a man see you as crazy, men dont like that.

  • Last_vanessa

    Hello! I want to meet a man! I am 26 years old. I can not find a good dating site. can someone tell me? If not difficult, then write to my mail. last_vanessa@yahoo.com grateful in advance.

  • #9 Never be afraid to ask your man to pick you up a box of sanitary napkins while he is at the store. If he protests simply say to him :look dude, either you want  to eat and smell a fresh vadge tonight or  you want to see me as an employee of the Red Cross organization.

  • I think there are several items that should be included in the guidelines:
    #8 – Don’t be afraid to break wind (FART) in front of your man. Everyone must fart at some time during the day. Simply say to your man when you fart “oops I think a made a smelly.”

    • Hope Floats

      Guys REALLY don’t like that lol

  • rogerdat85

    You had me until the last piece of advice. If I’m with my girlfriend and she runs into one of her male friends, a hug is ok…and expected….but to hug someone just for saying something funny?? That’s ridiculous. If that happens, she’s a little too “free” and probably needs to be single. Hugs for the opposite sex should be reserved for hello and bye…nothing else. Don’t even get me started on the kiss on the cheek bit. #STUPID!!

  • As for the Bathroom ” situtation ” ……SORRY she’s WRONG on THAT ( unless you & your BF ) are into that TYPE Of Sex then Go For It. otherwise – Yess I agree we are human – also being we need to Defecate & Urinate Regularly (some need to more frequently then others ) but anywho – this-IS-A-Private-Matter ……so Hellz No!!!! 

    go Do your Deed in the Porcelain Throne ROOM by YourSelf without My Interference. Cause when I Visit the Porcelain GOD’s THRONE – YOU – ARE – NOT – EVEN – GOING – TO – BE near my The DOOR !!!! 

  • ” Looking unkempt ” MESSAGE TO WOMEN: When you do this MEN see this as YOUR GETTING TOO COMFORTABLE.now let me Decipher what this means. to men its a RED FLAG ( unless they jus dont give a damn about it period ) but the Masses will tell you they agree. This is one of those Uhh-oooh moments when your dating a man / relationship with a man. some men have a different level of comfortability with Women. Most ( men MIGHT not ALL )however are gonna see this and head straight outta the relationship( but they’ll Neva Tell You Why ) – because when women get too comfortable they let things GO REAL FAST – Some women TOO DAMN FAST. now i will admit that when 1 of my ex’s was wearing my shirt around with No Bra on & very very relaxed look she didn’t have her hair done, no makeup or anything. but it didn’t last long. WHY ? because In A Relationship -WE-Have-TO-Teach-Each-Other. when you get into a relationship you have to SET BOUNDARIES & BORDERS. Some May Say This is wrong. NO. This is truth because: if a woman allowed her BF to sit at home Play PS3 / XBOX while she goes out ALL the time & neva complains about it. what do you think is gonna end up happeing when they move in together. Same Example goes for Men. if you never express your dis taste for your GF letting her Looks go or She Eats 2x as much as you do.( most men eat more then women )at the restaurant then you need to check that real fast because she has Bad Eating Habits. It becomes More Alarming when most of her Diet consists of Fast-Food. Fried Food. Foods With Large Amounts of Sodium & High Fructose Cornsyrup & Cabs & Tons and TONS of Red Meat. Those are danger signs. healthy Living not only Promotes GREAT SEX but also Healthy Brain Stimulation for Both of you. so Take Care Of Your Women & She Take Care of You ( Hopefully LOL !! )

  • Ok the section on where Women are blamed for being too emotional – ugggghhhh last time i checked women are emotional ….like – DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

    no brainer there. further more – women who cry ( specifically cry more frequently ) like for different things – or / and crying to jus cry ( as the article is saying ) YEEEEAH thats A Huge REDFLAG in any Self – Responsible Mature Man. because that’s A HUGE Indicator of Unstable Emotions – Trust Me MEN – you dont want an Emotionally Unstable Woman Around . Their like A Bad Credit Score …Your Going To Go Down Right Along With Her And ALL HER GLORY…lol

    • Mr. Save em

      Not sure who you are but you took the words right out of my mouth.  As a man, I can’t deal with a chick that has unstable emotions because they’re the ones who always play the victim but in reality, they are causing huge problems.  If she isn’t stable emotionally then the relationship will crumble.  Finally someone on here makes sense.

  • Alisa14

    Some of this advice is ridiculous, cursing someone out in front of your man….hugging on other men in front of him…come on now…I certainly don’t want to see my man cursing people out in front of me either or hugging on other women in front of me either.  It’s disrespectful.

    • yeah – too a Large Factor you have a point. – but remember this My Dear. we live in a time where People Need to MAKE A HUGE ADJUSTMENT To Modern Society Instead Trying To Live in Old Country Thinking. Times Have Changed. Its Consider Good & Healthy When You Can Communicate With The Opposite SEX In Front Of Each Other.Also Its Healthy When As A Couple The Both Of You Can Take Separate Vacations & Do Things Separately With Out Fear Of Stupidity Things That 14 -19 year Old Crowd Tends To Fall Into All The Time. The Word Is MATURITY. Too Many American Couples LACK THIS DESPERATELY 

  • DRM

    About the part that says “men like to think that they can hang around a girl when she is in her bed attire not dun up”. incorrect, once your woman starts hanging with you in this fashion for extended periods of time it just means that they are getting to comfortable (not that they shouldn’t be comfortable), but first this then they might gain a couple pounds then who knows what…..

    • THANK YOU – FOR BROADCASTING THE HONEST ( HURTFUL ) TRUTH!!!!

    • You’re an idiot and obviously single. I suppose you want the Kim Kardashian type–whom you don’t even know what their real face or hair looks like. If you’re not okay with your significant other letting her hair down, so to speak,  then you either shouldn’t be shacking up before marriage or you shouldn’t be with anyone…ever…period, because newsflash idiot, people can’t stay made-up 24/7.

    • Kath

      So what? Just shut up already.

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  • The list is fine, but is only a guideline. As for the last one, I understand, but I am weary. Why? I’ve been on the receiving end of men who took a hug and turned it into a poke fest with me. And yes, it’s sad that many of these men already had women yet they felt the need to take a friendly hug out of context. So, I am just saying.

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  • Chris

    Oh no, you must be joking, is it cool if I hug on a hot chick who said somethiing “funny”? Ridiculous, you want be all grabby on your male “friends” then be single, that’s what  that is for.  What an utterly insane thing to tell other woman to do in front of their BF’s or Husbands.  My God…………..I went to this website to learn how you women think….scrath this one off the list, we don’t like our woman grabbing or dancing on other guys in our presence.  I understand you don’t like it…….I’m just saying goodluck staying in a relationship pulling that crap.

    • Kaylicona

      My man and i have friends of the opposite sex that we hug and i trust him obviously you just haven’t had very good relationships if you think the way you do… or your just a controlling douche… my foot would be kicking your butt to the curb

    •  I agree, I would never do that.

    • Yup – your on the right path. bro’ cause i’ve had many relationships. i can break it down for you too. 1st of with what she saying be angry in front of him – WRONG. man are like the 5yr old boy with his mother. WE ARE NOT TRYNA HEAR THE BS from you. secondly that is why MOST SUCCESSFUL MENTALLY STABLE WOMEN HAVE Female FRIENDS FOR. They Run to them – Discuss all That Female Issues Stuff. & then Re track & Retrace their steps back to you and communicate with you about their feelings. ENOUGH SAID!!!

      -Btw for the Commenter: KAYLICONA yu obviously are dealing with Momma’s Boy’s. I have been on this earth a while – im telling you No Self Respecting Man Is Willingly To Sit Through His GF Rants Or Anger’s Men Dont Like The Sound Of An ANGRY WOMAN its GENETICS
      also FACT. No matter what COLOR / RACIAL GROUP. ask ANY Body who’s Been Around In Life.From the sound of you – you sound YOUNG ( possibly college level mayb a little older ) so there People of those Demographics Tend to ( MORE Then Less ) do Cry On Each Other’s Shoulders in that manner you discussed. so therefore i can understand why you would feel that way.

    • smoovesmif

      lol hilarious… i agreeeeeeee

  • Mariah

    what about if their screen name has a link in it? Like the “work at home…..” person

    • Dont’ know.. maybe is only spam, check instead LazyCash44.comAnd let me know

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