What It Actually Means To “Be Yourself” On A Date

March 2, 2012 ‐ By Julia Austin
"Couple having lunch"


“Just be yourself.” What does that even mean?! It’s the most generic, yet most popular, piece of advice before a first date. The truth is, it is good advice, but it can be hard to follow because we also often don’t realize when we are not being ourselves. You’re being yourself if you do this:

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  • Wuluwulu

    I thought being myself meant I could, burp, fart, pick my nose and pop my zit in the car mirror.  No wonder I never got a call back.  Aw well back to the drawing board…just joking.

    • Bitterswtkizz

      LOLOLOLOL! That’s the FINALS you’re talking about–lol! I embarrass so easily and I would be so embarrassed IF some did that on a date! I remember I went out with a guy and he was nice and he was far from being shy. He ALL the food on his plate…meanwhile I have all this nervous energy so I eating my entree slow. I watched him as he wrestled with a LONE penne noodle on his plate and I thought that could be me that he would quickly DEVOUR…the waiter even commented when he returned to the table—he said wow somebody was hungry–UGh! I cringed and was so embarrassed!

  • Bitterswtkizz

    Dear MEN,

    Psst…I just wanted to give you the HEADS-up on a few things….

    1- Stop spending MONEY that you don’t have on an expensive restaurant for the 1st date and then dropping subtle hints  that the evening was more than you could bear. GOOD GRIEF! I don’t mind affordable restaurants—appetizers that we can share is fine w/me.
    2- Stop pretending that the MOST expensive car in the parking lot is yours…I understand your being a gentlemen and escorting me to my car but you claim that’s your car and yet your still standing outside of it and haven’t gotten it–WHAT”S THAT ALL ABOUT?
    3. Stop monopolizing the conversation talking about your LOVE of money(ambition is certainly not frowned upon but an obsession for money and material things is a turn-off for me).
    4. DON’T share your DRAMA from past relationship(s) ( I’m not insecure I just don’t find it to be good dinner conversation).
    5. And for the luv of GAWD stop name dropping…I don’t CARE that you know people of people that know famous people—that doesn’t tell me WHO you are!
    6. Stop spending the entire date trying to find flaws in me—I have flaws we all do! Just ask yourself the question that I’m asking myself—CAN YOU DEAL w/ MY FLAWS!
    7. And don’t accept my FLAWS simply because you think you’re getting LUCKY 2night! SLOW BITES and CHEW and savor for another day!
    8. Stop getting offended because I offer to pay or go half on the TAB–I’m on the date too!—you know you WANT to accept it! 
    9. Stop blushing  @ the bubble headed waitress that obviously trying to pimp you for a HEALTHY tip—her service wasn’t that great!
    10. Just read 1-9 that will explain why we haven’t spoken since that NIGHT!~~~~People for the most part are themselves when they are in good company and are comfortable! And truthfully don’t indulge in long drawn out 1st dates  with people that you do NOT know. Bookstores are GREAT for 1st dates…they are equipped with cafes and there’s plenty to talk about. This allows you to know what types of things interest the person your with…

  • sholla21

    Good article. Faking it in the beginning leads to disappointment. You can’t keep up the charade and the other person doesn’t understand why you’re so different all of the sudden.

  • I really hate dates. If the person is really attractive and I don’t see us going anywhere I’ll just go home with him because what’s the point?

  • I am me from the moment I meet a person. I like being me. Don’t feel the need to pretend otherwise.