10 Things We All Learn About Men In Our Twenties

February 23, 2012  |  
"Couple flirting at a bar"

Between high school sweethearts, when it’s perfectly okay to text each other from across the room and say “I love you” within one month, and the dating challenges of your late twenties, a lot changes. Those young adult years are a crash course on men for most women. Most of us walk out of our twenties with these understandings about these very interesting creatures:

"Couple hugging"

Some actually do want relationships

Women are taught to always be on the defense and assume every guy is trying to sleep with them. But, throughout our twenties, we all come across a guy or three who are sweet to us, take us on nice dates, and don’t play games. When that happens, we begin to be more careful before we spew some venom at the guy trying to buy us a drink—we realize, maybe he’s nice. Hey, at least he’s not barking at you on the street with his pants hanging off of his behind…!

"Woman turning away from man"

If they say it, they mean it

We learn to stop waiting around for a guy to change. In your twenties, if a guy says he isn’t really looking for a relationship, and a girl sticks around to see if she can change that, it’s all bad news. Does he ever really change? Rarely (and only after you’ve given up and moved on). You end up learning to walk away from a guy who says, “I’m not into monogamy.” Word on the street is, he means it.

"Woman pulling man by the tie"

They move slower

It happens time and time again in your twenties. You think things are going great. The guy seems totally into you. He wants to hang out all the time and then, suddenly, you ask him to be your date to a wedding, to meet your parents, or to go away for the weekend, and he freaks out. You learn that, a guy can be totally into you but that isn’t a sign he’s ready to make things serious as of yet.

"Guy hitting on girl"

A lot of them are just trying to sleep with you

Yes, some of them do want a relationship, but while some pleasantly surprise us in our twenties, a lot of them let us down. That’s just how the dating game can go sometimes. We learn that there are a lot of charmers out there, who are great at making it seem like they really like you, when in reality, they’re just after what’s in your pants. With this reality, we learn to withhold sex until at least a few proper dates or months.

"Man on the computer"

They disappear at work

Women are better at multitasking. And even though women know that, it takes them a few years to understand why men can go off to start their work day, and somehow not text or call allll day. Eventually, we learn that when men get to work, they get in the zone and they really can’t jerk their attention out of there to focus on a text until the day is done. There are way too many other distractions and requests in the workplace, so it’s not that surprising that your text to him at 1 p.m. didn’t receive a response until 9 p.m.

"Couple having lunch"

The serious ones take you on a date
You stop rationalizing “well, maybe he just wants me to meet his friends,” or “well, that’s nice that, he invited me out at all,” when a guy asks you to meet him and his buddies at a bar. As you get older, you learn that the guys who can’t just get it together and ask you on a proper date are also the ones who are flaky, undependable and aren’t really looking for anything serious.

"Handsome businessman"

Ambition matters

We all date bartenders, bouncers and guys who work at gyms in our early twenties. We don’t think too much about where these guys are going with their life. But, towards the end of your twenties, if a guy isn’t pursuing a career yet—not just a job, but a career—you can no longer turn a blind eye. If he is pushing 30 and is still just a bouncer at a bar, it’s not cute anymore. It’s concerning.

"Text message"

Midnight texts are bad news

You get a drunk, midnight text from a guy you like in your early twenties, and you get kind of excited or giddy. Some people do what they really want and say what they really think when they’re drunk. After a while, after a few times of going to see that guy at midnight and realizing in the morning (while you pull out your spare pair of underwear from your purse) that he isn’t trying to date you, you learn that a real man calls you, soberly, mid day and plans a date.

"Couple hugging"

PDA takes longer

When you’re young, and you’re drunk, and you like someone who you’ve been out with a few times or have even slept with, you think it’s perfectly okay to start hugging and kissing them in public. But, as they awkwardly move and look away, you learn that just because a guy has been affectionate with you in private doesn’t mean he’s ready to do so in public yet. Guys wait until more of a relationship phase for that.

"Couple in bed"

Some men have less sex drive

You become used to being sexual prey in college and in your early twenties. But, by your late twenties, most women have dated at least one guy with, well, trouble in that department. Men who either couldn’t or didn’t want to have sex as often as you did for emotional or physical reasons.

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  • Cutily

    There’s one thing I learnt with my ex: when immature 20 yo guys say something, that doesn’t mean a thing!

    Well he kept saying how he would never do something, how things were a way and not the other and blah blah.

    I would generally wait a few months for him to come and say “I was stupid, I didn’t want to admit it but I was wrong.”

  • TeeBabe

    Some of these lessons contradict themselves and most I learned way before I was 20. What I learned in my 20’s was : 1. Many men suffer from an Oedipus complex and are incredibly selfish and emotionally damaged. 2. Celibacy weans out the insincere and deranged. 3. They are not as logical and rational as they or the media would have you believe.

  • Bwebwhbdhmnksn

    Why don’t you just call this article “Things I learned in my twenties” instead of pretending everyone is just as slow as you are? Another lame article from jaustin, nothing to see here, move along people. I wish this site would put the author names on original link so I could avoid these lazy articles.

    • chaka1

       I fully support your assessment…

    • chaka1

       I fully support your assessment…

  • Bwebwhbdhmnksn

    Why don’t you just call this article “Things I learned in my twenties” instead of pretending everyone is just as slow as you are? Another lame article from jaustin, nothing to see here, move along people. I wish this site would put the author names on original link so I could avoid these lazy articles.

  • lacehankies

    How does one attach themselves to such ideologies in their twenties and try to utilize those same notions  at  30? That does make much SENSE, to me!  It appears that you haven’t GROWN at all and you feel that the MEN haven’t either. Why are we using a BROAD brush for ALL men—they all are NOT the SAME! Just as ALL women are NOT the same! 
    I for one, do NOT like a MAN that I can PEG and place into a particular category—that’s BORING! He’s doesn’t need to call me everyday, the same time each day—that’s a SIGN of DISTRUST!The assumption CANNOT be that because a MAN is calling ALL the time, he’s MORE interested then the MEN that don’t. I have realized that SOME MEN that do ALL the calling, texting and such have an agenda that they NEED to fulfill quickly! And those same MEN could meet another woman and desire taking his TIME and getting to know that woman better. We ALL know that BUSY aint that BUSY—we ALL make time for the things that we WANT–PERIOD!And there is NO way that I’m going to bombard a MAN while he’s working, worrying about why he didn’t text me because so-so’s MAN is  texting her ALL day long–so she says*side eyeing*! I’m a PRODUCTIVE woman that desires a productive MAN so I catch you on the flip-flop!I say deal with a  MAN, on an individual basis, if he has behaviors that seems similar to a previous MAN—just GUARD your heart, keep your CLOTHES and see IF he is acting the SAME or is it your paranoia having been DUMPED on and cannot TRUST anyone! And please stop listening to your GF’s —they don’t  always follow their OWN advice nor do they KNOW everything!

  • lacehankies

    How does one attach themselves to such ideologies in their twenties and try to utilize those same notions  at  30? That does make much SENSE, to me!  It appears that you haven’t GROWN at all and you feel that the MEN haven’t either. Why are we using a BROAD brush for ALL men—they all are NOT the SAME! Just as ALL women are NOT the same! 
    I for one, do NOT like a MAN that I can PEG and place into a particular category—that’s BORING! He’s doesn’t need to call me everyday, the same time each day—that’s a SIGN of DISTRUST!The assumption CANNOT be that because a MAN is calling ALL the time, he’s MORE interested then the MEN that don’t. I have realized that SOME MEN that do ALL the calling, texting and such have an agenda that they NEED to fulfill quickly! And those same MEN could meet another woman and desire taking his TIME and getting to know that woman better. We ALL know that BUSY aint that BUSY—we ALL make time for the things that we WANT–PERIOD!And there is NO way that I’m going to bombard a MAN while he’s working, worrying about why he didn’t text me because so-so’s MAN is  texting her ALL day long–so she says*side eyeing*! I’m a PRODUCTIVE woman that desires a productive MAN so I catch you on the flip-flop!I say deal with a  MAN, on an individual basis, if he has behaviors that seems similar to a previous MAN—just GUARD your heart, keep your CLOTHES and see IF he is acting the SAME or is it your paranoia having been DUMPED on and cannot TRUST anyone! And please stop listening to your GF’s —they don’t  always follow their OWN advice nor do they KNOW everything!

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  • Bettylaluna

    I’m not so sure if most of us ‘learned’ these things in our 20’s with the glorifying of violence and abuse on tv…Chris Brown beats the living crap out of Rhianna and we’re still buying his music, he gets a grammy and women defending him up and down…I moderated a support forum, all Narcissisistic Personality Disorder abuse victims, traffic four million monthly – I know at least four million who didn’t learn this in their twenties.  Perhaps the article should be:  “What Women Need to Learn Before They’re 30” or “Mommas Teach Your Daughters Well” or “Git Yo Kids off Grand Theft Auto” I could go on with titles.  Awareness and education is needed to teach our younger generation about emotional intellegience and how NOT to tolerate abuse.  Some forms are stealth.  What we used to call the ‘playa’ if you read up on it falls under the traits of a Narcissist and I don’t mean narcissistic, I mean full blown NPD or a Sociopath!  I’d love to see this covered more in the media as the media itself glorifes narcissism and this is what our younger generation is aspiring to.  I hope you’ll give this some attention.  Thank you…www.narcraiders.blogspot.com/2012/01/welcome-to-narc-raiders.html.  I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have on the topic…
    ~Betty LaLuna “Narc Raider Educator”

    • the1

      shut up! why must people always try to prove a point by adding a child into the argument? just state what you need to state and move on…no need to even mention CB damn! if you have a problem, don’t buy his damn music and don’t allow your children to either!

      • cake211

        Chris Brown is NOT a child. And there is perfectly valid reason to bring him up; the fact that we have a generation of young women that don’t consider CB’s behavior as ridiculous.

  • L-Boogie

    This happened to me but the opposite way around.  Go figure!

  • Pivyque

    Well…I just wanted to see how accurate this would be…I learned all these things before or during high school. Lol My mom told me upfront that any call or text after 10 is inappropriate and I haven’t spoken to a man after 10 except my husband… and that’s because we live together lol I had older brothers and male cousins, so maybe that is why I didn’t have to learn these things from experience.

    • Sugar_Spice

      Co Sign, I learned this early too!  I wish the thirsty females across America would get the message.