No Child Left Behind: Can Having a Big Family Harm Your Children?

March 5th, 2012 - By Toya Sharee

If you’re familiar with the Duggar family who stars on the TLC show, 19 Kids and Counting, you already know that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are parents to 19 children and the show follows their trials, tribulations and adventures as a large family.  In a recent interview with the staff of TODAY Moms, Michelle revealed that even in light of her recent miscarriage, she wouldn’t rule out having more children.Viewers and fans across the country grieved with the family who lost a child to a miscarriage in Michelle’s 18th week of pregnancy, who commented in the interview, “I would do it again.”

Bigger is better when it comes to building a family, or at least the media would have you believe lately as shows like Jon and Kate Plus Eight and 19 Kids and Counting saw ratings soar through the roof in recent years.  Even Nadya Suleman, better known as “Octomom” experienced a temporary burst of fame when she covered tabloids everywhere after giving birth to octuplets in January of 2009.

Large families are nothing new to the African-American culture, and even in many Latin cultures a strong emphasis is placed on building large, strong united families.  But could having many children be doing more harm than good to the family unit?   Nadya Suleman faced public disapproval when it was revealed that she was actually mother to fourteen children including her octuplets.  That disapproval turned to outrage when rumors ran rampant that she was unemployed and using public assistance to care for her children.  And although The Duggars provide for their family without the help of government assistance, they still find themselves dealing with many judgmental opinions.  Even in the difficult time following Michelle’s miscarriage, many had no remorse and lashed out with comments that included, “Her body is finally worn out.” “Something probably would have been wrong with the baby anyway.”  Some even blamed Michelle for other women’s frustration that faced difficulties conceiving.

It brings to light an unfortunately troubling fact: For some reason people still feel entitled to tell women what to do with their uteruses.  Like anything, there are pros and cons that are associated with any size family, but the topic of larger families seems to ignite some heated controversy.  Let’s explore some popular opinions:

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  • http://www.familyfirepit.com/ Karen Hofatt

    I am from a large family of half the size of moms- she is from a family of 13. Not sure how they did that in the good old days! Being from a big family- I now have lots of nieces and nephews- a real big bonus!

  • Jjoneluv

    My parents just had one child (me!!) due to various circumstances, but they both seemed to dislike being in very big families.  However, big families are interesting to me because I grew up alone as a child. 

  • christielove

    OMG! In pic no.2; that cutie look exactly like my daughter did when she was a baby! I can relate to growing up in a large family,my parents had seven kids. We grew up close knit and years later,even after my parents passed; we still look out for each other and each others children.

  • FromUR2UB

    My dad came from a large family of a dozen kids, and my mother’s family was small, just her and a couple of sisters.  Marrying into a large family can be overwhelming for someone who didn’t grow up in one because the in-laws, usually the sisters, feel it’s their duty to be in their siblings’ business.

    I don’t know whether this is the same family I saw a few years ago on the ‘Today Show’, but that was also a family of nineteen kids who lived in Utah.  The father was a minister, and they’d built a huge house with a kitchen designed like a cafeteria.  They came on the show to announce that they had a surprise for the kids, who were obviously excited with anticipation.  When the mother announced that the “surprise” was that she was pregnant with her 20th child, the eldest children looked stunned.  I imagine they were hoping that the surprise would be a trip to Disney World or something out of the ordinary.  I watched their faces as they seemed to process the let down of that announcement, and then anger because of it. 

    I would have been thinking: why did they need to bring us to a TV show to make a surprise of something that has happened every year of my life?!  The elder children probably had a hard time remembering when their mother WASN’T pregnant, and since the elder children in large families always have to care for younger siblings, it means that even less of their lives will be their own, unless they move out.

  • Ladybug94

    My dad came from a big family, I think there were like 12 kids in all.  My grandfather had them farming and growing their own vegetables and fruit.  According to my dad they were well taken care of.  I don’t see it as a problem if you are able to care and provide for all of the kids properly.

  • MixedUpInVegas

    I came from a large family (the oldest of 6 kids) and I saw how my parents struggled to give us a reasonably good life.  I also had  waaaaaay too much responsibility at a young age helping my mother raise my sisters and brothers.  My parents did the best they could, and better than most in those same circumstances, but I learned from that experience.

    My siblings and I all had fewer children (I had one) and we were able to give our children more–better educations, more attention, nicer homes in better neighborhoods, more individual attention, a stay-at-home mother and extra things–ballet lessons, summer camp, private school, music lessons, nice family vacations, better dental and health care and so on.

    Giving your children a better quality of life and more opportunities to develop their minds and their interests is a big part of parenting.  Smaller families make that possible.

    • weshallseeif

      More–better educations? I come from a family of 9 (4boys-5girls) and we turned out great. We have a great sense of togetherness. Always having some type of get together so that this sense of family will pass down to our children. I personally have eight children and take care of everyone of them with no government assistance. We go on family trips every year. (Deep Creek being one of our favorite spots) My oldest daughter is on the step team. Two of my girls are singing sensations. One is on the flag team. One is a dancer. My son plays the trumpet for his school. My youngest daughter does it all. Number 8 will be here soon. YEAH! We live in a 6 bedroom home in P.G county M.D (which was named an affluent place to raise children) And though they do not go to private schools, they are in schools that deals with the arts. Having a vast number of siblings is a good thing. Not at all bad and gloomy as you make it.

  • perplexed

    who are the black parents with the the 5 kids in the pic ? does anybody know? i’ve seen them somewhere else before but can’t remember them , cute pic,lol.

    • FromUR2UB

      I don’t know, but that’s why I clicked on the story so I could see all the cutie wootie little babies that were pictured.

  • 1 love

    My grand parents has 10 kidz… they are so united… they all have lots of love and giving… all my momz sisters are the same to me… they r all my mother figures… and my uncles hv taken good care of me… all my cousins… i dont see them as cousins… i see them as my brothers and sisters… and none of them suffers with hunger coz everyone puts a helping hand… MY GRAND PARENTS RAISED THEM WELL… its about the parenting skills…

    • Sugar_Spice

      Same here, my grandmother (who raised me) comes from a family of 14 & my mother in law comes from a family of 13.  Both sides of my family have a strong sense of togetherness.  With that said, you can tell the older children had to grow up fast to help care for the younger siblings.