Does Dating White Trump Your Black Card?

February 6, 2012  |  

A friend of mine often gets labeled a self-hating negro. He’s black, young, vocal about issues that need to change in the black community, and as you may have guessed from the title of this article, married to a white woman.

He’ll often rant about how ridiculous the assumption is and I tell him from the outside looking in, I can see how people would draw that conclusion. Yes, he does a lot of good things in the black community, but not everyone is aware of them. And when all you see is a black man with a white woman who exposes a lot of issues about his people, it tends to scream modern-day Uncle Tom.

I thought about his experience more as I read responses to Brian White’s recent comments on black women and stereotypes. While some were in agreement with his stance, the majority of those who didn’t argued that he has issues with black women, as evidenced by his non-black wife. While I wasn’t in agreement with Brian’s generalizations about what “the majority of black women” act like, the questioning of the legitimacy of his argument because of who he’s married to made me wonder whether your ability to speak out on issues in the black community is trumped when you date outside your race?

When it comes to Brian, I think the most damaging part of his interview was the wording. It’s evident he has an issue with how black women are portrayed on TV—as many black women do—but the problem is that he presented the portrayals as true-life representations, and seemed more interested in proving that point than suggesting ways to combat the stereotypes or identify the many women who don’t fit those images—besides Taraji or Gabrielle. There was certainly an underpinning of “my mom and sisters aren’t crazy but the rest of ya’ll black women are,” in his responses, but if he was married to a black woman would that change the message? Would it have been better received?

As more black women begin to date outside of their race, I wonder whether this type of “he’s got a white woman anyway” dismissal will come back to bite us. Will black women’s comments on the black community and black men come to be dismissed for self-hating because they’re romantic partner isn’t black? Is that a fair assumption?

In general we tend to look at black men dating outside of their race as a way to get away from black women and black women dating outside of their race because there are no decent black men left. Those are two very different reasons and ones that garner different reactions. We say “go girl, and forget black men” when it’s us dating interracially but we think, “black woman issues” when it’s a man doing the same thing and from that point on, they are severely limited in their ability to critique black people in general. Are black women headed down that same path?

I can admit I’ve been guilty of it. When I wrote an article about repairing relationships between black men and black women, one women went off terribly about black men and how they’ve mistreated her and aren’t worth much and when I saw her husband is white, I immediately disregarded her opinion. In that instance, I took her stance and her choice of a partner as evidence of her hatred for black men and proof that she couldn’t make a legitimate statement about them that wasn’t based in that disgust. More than being rubbed the wrong way, I thought, you’ve given up on black men anyway, why do you care about relationships between black men and black women?

It wasn’t a fair reaction but it’s one that’s typically put on black men and has the potential to come right back on us as we broaden our dating pool. It’s also something I’ve thought about personally. If I were to date outside my race would it be odd to be so down for my people yet not have one of my own on my side, but as things currently stand, it seems black women get a pass.

Does having a white woman automatically make you dismissive of black men’s criticisms about black women? Do you think black women will soon fall into that same group or do they have more freedom to be critical while dating interracially?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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  • Nate

    I’m a SWM that only dates Black women, and I feel like an outsider to my White family, and most White co-workers. Why? Because I think a lot of them and my family included are backwards, biased, prejudiced, and sometimes racist. However that doesn’t mean that I can’t take them on in debate and argue with them. I’m always looking for ways that white culture can make itself better and easier to get along with. Us White folks have a lot of ignorant assholes in our group.

  • BlackXMessiah

    In short yes it does make you an uncle tom. How can a black person be “pro black” if he’s not preserving the genes of his race? Try to imagine a “pro-white” guy with a black woman doesn’t make any sense does it?

  • BlackXMessiah

    In short yes it does make you an uncle tom. How can a black person be “pro black” if he’s not preserving the genes of his race? Try to imagine a “pro-white” guy with a black woman doesn’t make any sense does it?

  • How many people that have called someone an “Uncle Tom” have ever read the book?  Just wondering.

  • Guest

    If you criticize inter-racial relationships for any reason, you are racist – it is no more simple than that.

    The only possible reason you can have to crit such a relationship is because you are hung up on race.

    If you believe a black man should only date black women, you are, in fact, racist.

  • Whiteguy

    the guy in the photo has a fake glass eye….just sayin’

  • Guest

    This article has a strong racist apearance. Because of who someone chooses to date dtermines their credibility???????????????????????????? You should pay attention to their argument and take it for what it is. What, because I marry an asian woman I can’t debate politics? Doesn’t that sound racist as well?

  • This happens to me all the time. I am a Black woman but have had non-Black partners. It’s why I keep my mouth shut and just do me now. Somehow the fact that the person I’m with is not black means that I hate myself and my people and that my suggestions are invalid. I’m not worried about people who aren’t worried about me.

  • Terry Jay

    Really, I couldn’t relate to this article at all. Outside of the assumptions that bm and bw constantly bash each other (not in my experiences), interracial dating — seen through my eyes —  is the result of the black race simply being consumed by white (or vice verse).  People who chose to date/marry outside of their race have simply allowed themselves to be absorbed by the current majority. Or have lost love for self and have no interest in extending/strengthening their own bloodlines.

    • JackieSixty

      “Have lost love for self and have no interest in extending/strengthening their own bloodlines” sounds exactly like the lines the white supremacists use to attempt to justify their own racism.

  • Baiaforever

    In my view a lot of black men who date and marry white women are uncle tom negros. Look at Bryan Gumble or Wesley snipes. And look on youtube at the myriad of black men putting down black women and celebrating that they have a white woman. In my view a lot of black men have not done their share in supporting and holding up the black community. In fact many of them tear it down with violence, drugs and crime and then run looking for a white woman. Until many of these men put in the hard work in building up their communities they will continue to get this stigma. Secondly many of them have never tried dating a black woman and having a successful relationship. All of the black woman i know that date interracially did. secondly they are not involved in the blck community until they get in trouble with white people and them come back looking for support. Think O.j. Simpson.

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  • WL805

    I am a white guy who has had serious relationships with black women.  The relationships were very much the same as any other relationship when you just look at it from a one-on-one perspective.  Two people in love with each other, with a lot in common, but a few differences. Takes work and commitment.  Also though, you need a common goal or vision of where you want to go and how you will live your lives, particularly with kids.  At that point, it isn’t a matter of skin color… it’s who you are as a person.
    So for me, the issues have ususally centered around “cultural/value” stuff.  Mother-dominating vs father-dominating vs equal sharing? Showing affection? Trash talking/swearing? Importance of physical relationship?  respecting each other? financial goals/saving plan?… think you get it… just normal relationship stuff.
    There is not magic tho.  The “grass is always greener (blacker/whiter) on the other side” is always a just a myth.
    But, as my young son excitedly told me… “just think dad, one day, after hundreds of years from now, there will be just one race. won’t that be cool”.  Besides being statistically correct, I love how he thinks… I hope the rest of us can follow.

  • Carolk27

    I am a black women (who is African but lives in London) and my observation of Afro-Caribbean people in the UK and African Americans is that due to the effects of slavery, there is often nothing of great cultural value that can be passed on to the children and as a result marrying outside of your race is not a big deal, because there is nothing to preserve in the first place. For instance, in the UK, over 50% of all Afro-Caribbean children are born into single parent households (led by women). This is very common in the Caribbean, whereas in most African countries children are very much linked to their fathers, even if a man has more than one wife. It is some of the above practices by Afro-Caribbean and African Americans family structures that are increasingly contributing to the break-up of the black family-because essentially the stakeholders are not committed to holding the family together. 

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  • cabugs

    On the double standard for black women dating interracially and black men dating interracially: I think part of the issue is gender. I don’t know if anyone has already brought this up – but think about it – in our society, it is usually the man who pursues a woman who he wants to be in a relationship with. Obviously the reverse also happens and is acceptable, but it just so happens that the man usually initiates the relationship. Therefore, I just think that perhaps part of the reason why some people choose to scorn black men in interracial relationships is because they had to actively pursue this woman who happened to be a different race than they are. In the case of the black woman, however, it was probably the man from another race who pursued her, and not necessarily her choosing to look to pursue this man, who so happens to be of a different race. Another facet of this issue is the fact that many black women have expressed reluctance at pursuing men of other races anyway because we do not believe that they are interested due to negative stereotypes or personal preferences.

  • Ifuaskme2

    Yes. Period. Its like criticizing someone parenting skills when you’re childless.

  • Bella

    Lovin’ the article, Ms Victorian. When something like this is brought up, it’s important to see both sides of the argument and you’ve done this perfectly.

    As a young black woman currently in a long-term relationship with a non-black man, my reasoning had nothing to do with black men. I have been interracially dating since I was young, so it’s nothing new for me. Also, I think it can be difficult for black women to date interracially because 1) most black communities feel the backbone is placed on black women and therefore they should never consider dating non-black men and keep to their duty to preserve the black community and 2) there is a fear we may not be able to match up to the European standard of beauty that is set so unreasonably high, let alone the fact that black women tend to be shunned when one considers what type of woman is ‘beautiful’. For me, I refuse to allow ANYONE to tell me who I can and cannot date. As far as I’m concerned, I’m my own person with different wants and needs from someone else, so to pinpoint my desirable partner would be a futile effort on their behalf as well as my own.

    In terms of the article, I think it’s natural to critically analyse your own people, as long as you know where credit is due too. I believe you can date interracially, as long as your reasoning is not based on a hatred towards your own people, because then you’re just screwed and you’ll never be happy. Brian had a point in his interview and I understood where he was coming from, but he unfairly took the side of Tyler Perry (of all people) over Spike Lee – this in itself made me realise he has no interest in black women and the stereotypes we are constantly bombarded with. If he took his head out of his arse for a moment, he’d understand that he was on the right track of thought, but he just needed to take a step back to look at his own opinion of black women before criticising us and how the media portray us. 

  • Look, when you are on your death bed, you won’t be worrying about your black card or who you slept with…..Hey, live your life, freak what race makes you happy because at the end it’s your life.   As long as you don’t say “i will never date anyone of my own race” then that’s a problem.   other then that, freak who you want to freak, it’s your life, other people need to just live theirs, last I checked, a black card never bought me anything in a store or got me a job… it’s irrelevant

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  • Mzmocha520

    Does his wife act like the Real Housewives of NJ, the Mobwives, or Jerseylicious…?

  • Kwright721

    My mother is black my father is white. They were married for 23 years and had six children. They married because they loved each other. They are divorced now but I think interracial relationships ate more based on love then the color of someone’s skin.

  • Dskytalker

    You can’t have two variables at the same time and expect to make a clear point. Should Brian be dismissed just because he married a white woman? No. 

    If we already know he’s weak-minded as he believes that the stereotypes about black women true (EXCEPT for his mama-n-’em within his own family) shouldn’t we be 90% sure that the MOST attractive thing about Brian’s wife TO Brian is her skin-color and that he to married her BECAUSE he believes the negative black stereotypes about females? 

    Shouldn’t we then dismiss Brian’s attempts to compensate, restore his blackness by attempting to “help” the black community (and ESPECIALLY black females) to stop embarrassing him by acting characteristically or even stereotypically black on occasion?

    Brian’s a hot mess—and deep down he knows it.

    Q As far as Brian goes, kiss or diss?
     A  Diss, baby

  • Popup_blocker_69

    Racists of any color are already bad enough. But, as long as “race” will be made an issue by “black” people it will stay an issue for “black” people. Maybe its time to wake up and realize its 2012!? First I would like to point out that from my European standpoint 99,9% of all so-called “black” Americans are in fact mixed, most of the time not even just black-white mixed, but multi-racial. So its just a(nother) personal point of view what color you prefer as dominating enough to put them in a certain box. Since the majority is multi-racial anyways, how can you date “out of your race”? Just dont make any sense to me to even say something like that, if you know your history! Same is valid from my point of view for most Europeans. We might look Caucasian, but thats then just the dominant part of mixed genes showing. All Europeans have a mixed genetic background because historically there was a lot of moving going back and forth of the centuries leaving traces everywhere. Just check that history too if you dont know about it. Second, its a fact that some people just happen to fall in love with someone
    who happens to have different skin coloring than them, and people (of all colors) should accept and respect that! Skin color to me is as important as eye color, means not very much. The majority of my friends and people I socialize with is very diverse and multi-racial from all kinds of countries other than my homeland. And I myself have
    dated “out”. Besides fishing in my own “gene pool” and dating pure-bred and mixed German, Swiss, French, British, Spanish nationals over the last 3+ decades I have been on dates and had relationships with black guys of American and African heritage, one mixed Black-Latino-Navajo guy, one mixed French-Italian-German (father) – Black-Seminole (mother) guy, mixed guys from the West Indies, Cuba and Jamaica, one Indian guy, 1 Japanese guy, 2 Middle-Eastern guys and 1 Israeli. I didn’t
    date these guys based on their race but because at the time, I thought
    they were super cool guys and that we had a mutual attraction and common grounds and interests and were complimenting each others life – regardless of the shell they came in. In fact I believe myself color-blind, because skin color is and never will be an issue in my choice of men. I value personality, intelligence, honesty, integrity, creativity. And that comes in all colors. As a dominant Alpha female I prefer dominant Alpha males as partners, because I get quickly bored with men weaker than me. Those Alpha males are rare, but they do come in all colors! I admit that good looks naturally help catching and keeping my interest. But – that also comes in all colors. Yes, I prefer my men tall, dark and handsome, but dont get me wrong with your prejudiced mind – dark here means not necessarily dark or black skinned. Tanned or natural olive skin and black or dark hair will do too, as long as the other parameters are met, or what is lacking is compensated with something else of substance and value. Third, I would like to mention something I found and always will find pretty off and truly funny – the only racism I ever personally experienced whenever I was dating a black or mixed guy was from a minority of black people, sorry to say that – especially females. None of them ever considered or asked why I might be dating that black or mixed guy. They just labelled me and him based on their own mindset and prejudices, and went into straight hating. Whereas the majority of people we met, especially both our friends, simply accepted us and the relationship for what it was – a connection of 2 people who liked each other and wanted to stay together or spend a good time together. Their comment simply was: Whatever makes you both happy. And – you look good together. Oh, and I do believe that none of those guys I have been with dated me because I am “white”, but because I am who I am, a physically attractive, very vibrant, energetic, intelligent, creative, caring person, and – for what I contributed to the relationship!

    • TeachTheWorldToThink

      If you’re white, then you have never “personally experienced” racism in America. Racism is a system, not some silly, trivial, individual, personal issue. It is an entire system of white supremacy. You live in a system of racism/white supremacy, not a system of anti-white, black supremacy. If a minority of black people didn’t like that you were with black men, they were not committing racism against you, not being racist against you, but rather, they were responding or reacting to what they perceived as racism/white supremacy being flung in their faces in the stereotypical manifestation of a black male idealizing a white female as superior.

      • BlackXMessiah

        Finally somebody who gets it….

  • Poetshyne

    Great article. I have asked myself the same questions- am I dismissing a brotha’s comments cause he is with a white woman? Well, yes. There are so many single black women – educated, smart and polished who dont act crazy that a black man interracially dates and marries because he wants to. Whereas black women date and marry interracially because there are so few black men. Black men are 2 -3 times more likely to marry outside their race. So no, their comments dont hold as much weight as a black man that goes home to a black woman every day.

    • Stop it five… If these single bw were that fantastic… BM of quality would happily stoop them up… 

      A quality woman is different from a quality man… different standards

  • Ilikehoney6

    “We say “go girl, and forget black men” when it’s us dating interracially but we think, “black woman issues” when it’s a man doing the same thing and from that point on, they are severely limited in their ability to critique black people in general.”

    HELLO!  don’t you understand why many black women have this type of reaction?  ever since interracial dating has been socially acceptable (meaning, black men wouldn’t be hung for dating white women), black men have been PUBLICLY dissing black women every chance they get, and it began with wilt chamberlain and his book about his dating life.  this public humiliation, coupled with how they represent their own women in music videos, hood movies, and other avenues’ where whites began to think that these were accurate representations of black women, has caused them to react this way.  but when it’s brought to their attention that they are seen as deadbeat dads who don’t know the meaning of responsibility, criminals, and sexual predators, they want us to help fight with them against those stereotypes.  when they are in trouble with the white community, a la OJ or recently Terrence Howard (admitting that his wife used racist terms to and about him), they want to all the sympathy from the black community they can get. then and only then, it is ok for black women to be loud and opinionated!

    black women are the only community of women who have to second guess their ability to feel protected by their own community of men.  you never hear any other culture of men, whether white, hispanic/latino, asians, indians, american indians, distance themselves from their own women while spewing the most hate-filled diatribe as black men.  and even if they date outside of their races, they would not publicly humiliate their own women like black men do on a constant basis.

    it’s funny that actors like brian and terrance aren’t really well-known by the white women that they think so fondly of.  if they were, they’d be famous to the same degree as a george clooney or brad pit.  but an overwhelming majority of white women don’t know either one of them, but black women support their films, and have from day one, only for them to get a little status and start dissing their own fan base.  and then, you have will smith and denzel washington, who are superstars, and they won’t even try to publicly chastise idiots like brian and terrence when speaking about black women.  frankly, i’m sick of this conversation, and i’m sick of their attitudes about black women, and i will never publicly defend another black man no matter what he does, and i certainly won’t support any of their acting/entertainment efforts.

    • TeachTheWorldToThink

      “…then and only then, it is ok for black women to be loud and opinionated!” Isn’t that the truth!

    • JackieSixty

      I agree with all of your points, except this: “…black women are the only community of women who have to second guess their ability to feel protected by their own community of men.” 

      That is patently untrue. White women, Asian women, Hispanic women, etc, etc, have ALL (both as individuals and as groups) had the experience of not feeling protected by their “own community of men.” Notably Japanese treatment of their women during World War II, but the hatred of women certainly hasn’t stopped there.

      I hear white men say hateful things about ALL women on a daily basis! Right now I’m listening to the Republican political machine churning away as it tries to contrive a way to take away the reproductive rights of ALL American women! Unfortunately, there are also rapists and wife abusers in every culture, so there are undoubtedly women of every culture who do not feel protected by the men surrounding them.

      Black women and white women- and ALL women of every race- deserve respect that they are not receiving. Black men should absolutely work on their attitude about black women, because it doesn’t speak well of them that they’re so willing to generalize the majority of black women and put them into such hateful categories as “too ghetto,” or whatever other negative categories they invent for them. Labeling an entire group- or the majority of a group if semantics are important to you- is a form of hate speech and it needs to be stopped. But black men aren’t the only ones who have issues to work on: so do the black women, and the white women, and any woman who stereotypes, competes with, and degrades other women just because they’re part of the misunderstood, intimidating “other.”

  • myblkamusemint

    You don’t even have to be dating a white person to have your “black card” trumped.  I was walking down the street last night in Harlem, on my way to dinner with a white male friend, who not only is about 5 years younger than me, but is at least 7 inches shorter than me and you should have seen the looks, and tsk tsks I received, based on the incorrect assumption we were dating. Those side-eyes, smirks, and passing chuckles are all indicative of my “black card” being pulled, so it’s real, it’s happening and it’s deep. 

    For all those people who like to say they’re over it, this topic is so done, I think you’re actually suffering from denial because you’d rather not deal with the heavy conversations and the energy it takes to process all this “race talk”  but I think it’s extremely important, and if we don’t continue to discuss and challenge each other and thereby continue the larger discourse, who will?  I deal with racism every day, and I know that I live in a world where my children will as well, but I want their children no to, so we’ve got to keep pushing.  You’ve got to recognize color, culture & history to move beyond the racism and prejudice and into a progressive society, not a “colorblind” one. 

    As for the Brian White’s comments, I think he’s incorrect about “stereotypes not being stereotypes today” and “reality” tv.  Reality tv is not real.  It’s scripted, and edited and crafted a certain way, most particularly, to have true drama unfold on the screen in 30 minutes.  And for some shows, more than others, that means fighting, but in no way do I think the majority of black women in America are carrying $5000 purses, wearing $2000 stilettos and cursing each other out every 10 minutes, otherwise we’d all be in the streets doing that all the time.  I don’t own a pair of stilettos, much less $2000 ones, and that doesn’t make me any less or more black.

    What’s really sad is that Brian wasn’t able to recognize that the stereotypes of black women are being exploited to the point that people do believe it’s real, black men and women included, and the media has had a large role in that fact, as well as people like, ahem…Tyler Perry.  Why couldn’t Jill Scott’s character have had the spin-off?  She could have.  Why was the Tasha character sooooo far out of line?  Because they wrote her that way for the ratings. Some of what Tyler Perry puts out there is a mirror, but a lot of it is just formulaic writing and gross stereotypes.  Both of my parents are black, as are my grandparents, aunts, uncles and immediate cousins.  None of them act like the characters in his shows.  And yes, while my mom is a “Claire Huxtable” type, she hasn’t been represented on a current tv program in quite some time.  Brian missed a great opportunity to put the media on blast, but instead, he blamed the public and particularly black women.  What he did get right is that we have to choose what we watch and where our ratings go, and that the black community needs to be even more conscious about this than any other group because we have to most to lose, and gain. The fact that he or anyone thinks reality tv, or Tyler Perry, and/or Nene accurately represents black America is way off and an egregious misconception I would label as racist, period.  But we should keep in mind he’s also a celebrity and an actor who is completely entrenched in that field and that perspective.  And yes, I took his marrying of a white woman into consideration as I read the interview.  It didn’t make me write him off, he’s still black, and entitled to his opinions, but seeing how disparaging they were towards black women, it makes me think he does view black women negatively and therefore I’m not surprised he married a non-black woman.

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  • Lawson

    Plain and simple. There’s two types of people who date outside their race, the open minded/color blinded or the ones making a social statement who dont attract women or men of their own race. Dennis Rodman said he dated outside his race because black women never found him attractive so he went to where he got the most love. so if someone finds you attractive outside of your race and you’re attracted to them, then i say go for it. Sometimes, women who arent black will cherish the qualities that some sistas cant stand…like a brotha being under 5’10”, but he’s highly articulate.

    • TeachTheWorldToThink

      By the same token, oftentimes men who aren’t black will cherish the qualities that some brothas can’t stand… like a sista having an average body and/or short hair and/or coarse hair and/or her own natural hair and/or dark chocolate skin and she’s smart as well as beautiful both inside and out, yet not in the “brotha”‘s eyes. That said, the whole height requirement that some women have is absurd, to put it mildly, if you ask me, and so is the requirement that many men have of a black woman to have a certain body or hair or skin type. 

  • CherieAmore

    Oh, how I envy the white woman.  Nothing she does splashes on all of them like it does black women. They can do the most hoe-ish, foul, stank, depraved, sexually-perverse things you can think of and their men let them represent their individual selves. 

    For example, there’s pics and vids all over the net of them having sex with horses, bulls and great danes but I don’t hear anything from white men saying, they like screwing animals more than they like screwing us.  I don’t hear them singing songs like “I’m in love with a Black/Latina/Asian girl” like a certain rapper rapping about how he’s “In Love With a White Girl.”  Our young black men are listening to this shit.

    Even though the No. 1 IR coupling in the country is White man/Asian woman, I don’t see them big up Asian chicks in their videos, songs, TV shows or movies over their own women. Famous white men don’t say anything negative about their women.  And do you know why?  BECAUSE THEY WOULD NEVER UPSET THEIR WOMEN LIKE THAT!  They know better and I long for the day when black men will afford us that luxury.

    And as far as Mr. White, he can kiss my a**!  What he SHOULD have said is NeNe is not an example of an average black woman but these shows foster stereotypes that make it seems like ALL black women are like that.  I am so sick of famous black men saying foul s*** about black women!

    • TeachTheWorldToThink

      Wow. Profoundly on point.

    • JackieSixty

      Actually, Asian women are profoundly fetishized and held up as the ideal woman in white American culture. They are regarded as the perfect woman due to their supposed submissiveness, soft-spoken nature, demure demeanor, petite stature, and innate grace. In fact, there are entire forums populated by white American men espousing the virtues of obtaining an Asian wife and how to go about it. As a white woman, I have often felt intimidated and powerless when confronted with the white male-Asian woman pairing or hearing my male acquaintances discuss it. It’s all rather misogynist and patriarchal. 

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  • No one should pass judgement or criticism. We will never reach true equality if “we” are so consumed with the “black and white” issue. We as a race are still so scarred we turn on each other if we find beauty, love, whatever in another race. If someone wants to deal with your flaws and build a life with you, don’t let racial war wounds take a love away from you.

    Vermel Kinmon

  • But i agree.CAN WE DEAD THIS TOPIC!

    Ugh…americans are OBSESSED with race.


    I love me some white guys!

  • Dawja

    the author is obviously black male-centric…

    who cares what black men do or think when you’re just doing you?

    get off their nuts already!

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  • great point

  • Great point

  • How can someone who does not have a black spouse educate me on how to establish and keep a black marriage going? How can someone who does not have black children tell me about what I need to do for my black children. We are at different places. People are free to date who they will, but I have always been of the mind that if a person does  not live according to what they preach then I view them as hypocrites and I don’t deal with hypocrites no matter the subject. I am very firm in my stance regarding this. If you’re going to talk the talk, walk the walk, and if you’re not going to walk, shut up.

    • Thesuspect

      The point is too many black men are talking the talk and walking the walk with non black women. 

    • F3ral Anarchy

       so you are saying that the rules of engagement on how to keep a marriage going differs between ethnicities?  how you love a black woman is different than how you love a white, asian, latina woman?  please do tell so i can take note.   And please keep the “cultural differences” comments to a minimum. If im a black male from the hood that has grown up during the crack era, more than likely the average white woman isnt going to know “what ive been thru as a black man”.  But guess what…there are black women out there who have not had the same life as ive had either.  Does that mean that me as a black man from the hood coming from the worst conditions shouldnt look to date the well traveled, highly educated, worldly cultured black woman who has never seen a single street in the ghetto before?

      • Idiot

        I think the rules for keeping a marriage going strong are nearly universal and go across cultural lines.  Love your woman and respect your man.  Children honor your parents.  Parents discipline your children in love.  There are no special rules for raising a black, white or Asian child. I think this applies to whoever your married to regardless of culture or race.

      • TeachTheWorldToThink

        If you yourself are not well traveled, highly educated and cultured, why would you look to date a woman who is all of that? 

  • Monique

    My boyfriend is black and Haitian. He always told his friends and family that he would never be with a black girl and especially a Haitian. I am black and Haitian. I am my boyfriends first black girlfriend. We have been together for 3 years, I have met the family and more. When I found out what he thought of Haitian women after like 2 years of dating it pissed me off. I had my guards up. I suddenly understood why black women felt like the white women where taking their men. One we broke down the racial barriers he quickly became the man of my dreams. I’m pretty sure the ring is coming soon. I’m just saying that I don’t thing race matters as long as you are willing to give that person a chance than love will find its way.

    • F3ral Anarchy

       i still dont get the whole “white women are taking our men thing”.   bm/ww are on the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to percentage of interracial relationships.  the percentage is so small its a non-factor. 

      • Thesuspect

        that is not true 75% of black/white marriages are black men married to white women.  And the higher educated he is, the more likely he is to marry out.

        • F3ral Anarchy

           that percentage has to do with which group is marrying who.  meaning 75% of the black/white marriages are black men/white women.  which is obvious.  the groups that make up the highest number of interracial marriages is white men/asian women.

          • Thesuspect

            Yes, it is wm/aw, but that doesnt discount that many black men are marrying out.  Too many.  Close to a quarter are married to or cohabitating with non bw. 

    • t

      What do u mean about ‘m black and haitian’ like haitian is some sort of new race. Gtfo another one trying to pass for dome bisexual or multiracial when haitian are mostly black ain’t that why dominicans call black people haitian bcs they are mostly black? You and your a*hole of bf belong together with ur self hating zzz tchiiiip!!!!! W

      • Monique

        I didn’t mean black and Haitian in any negative way. I stated it wrong. We are both African American (black) with Haitian background. My point was that race doesn’t matter and love is love. I got a man who once thought women like me were at the bottom of the food chain (relationship wise). He lived his life attracted to white girls, until I can around. I’m saying that race is nothing it all matters about the relationship and the connection that is formed.

  • Cocolicious

    For black men who marry white women and wish to go on about how the black community needs to improve…

    Lead by example, not just with your mouth.

    Now, what if blacks all began to marry and procreate with whites, further diluting our bloodlines, phenotypes and cultural identities.

    Sure, that’s a solution for the black community, establish a newer mixed race breed, even more closely identified with whites. Don’t mixed race people gain more opportunities and assimilate better in society, at large (based on a presently published research finding)?

    While we’re at it, let’s continue this interbreeding with whites until the entire black community looks white, or near white. Maybe we’ll, then, experience the equality we’ve been fighting for all this time. By golly, that’s the solution!

    IMO, if you procreate out of a community and address those of your birth community with a disparaging, stereotypical, or highly inaccurate, tone you have no right to suggest what type of change needs to take place there. You don’t respect the members of that community and have positioned yourself to be easily, conveniently, excluded.

    Albeit, in Brian Whites case, as he’s a product of a half white parent and socio-economic affluence, was he even born into the black community, or identity, to begin with?

    If he wasn’t, he really has no place to talk about what needs to take black there. He doesn’t know the community well enough. Even though he’s of African descent, he’s an outsider who’s apparent regard for blacks doesn’t adequately or genuinely lend itself the improved plight of the community. I’m not saying an outsider can’t contribute to improving the black community, but not with that kind of POV.

    You’re fickle and you shouldn’t be trusted.

    Marrying outside of your race doesn’t mean that you can’t have loyalty or take genuine efforts to improve your community, but there have been several non-blacks in history who have displayed more genuine interest, empathy and loyalty for, and took less elitist, classist, dispositions regarding blacks than some blacks do.

  • F3ral Anarchy

    nope doesnt trump our black card at all.  visit the nearest inner city/ trailer park in america and see interracial relationships all over the place.  the black man is ghetto as hell and guess what.  his white girl is just as hood actin if not worse for her need to feel accepted in his hood.  but nobody ever questions these black men at all it just “is what it is”.  could this be a class issue?  could it be that if a black man makes it in the world and gets a white woman all of a sudden he is a uncle tom?  but why?  nobody calls the dude in the hood a uncle tom for having a white girl so why the other guy? 

  • Asar Nebankh

    First, this subject is being discuss so much because no intelligent answer has ever been given. This is a emotion subject because it really involve the soul and spirit. Do you really believe that all people are the same except for the coloring? Black people have been black for umpteen millions of years and now they cannot wait to be robbed of their melanin. Instead of bleaching they mnore effectively experience paeness through their biracial children. Black people who marry whites should stay over on the white side and leave black people and their issues alone. Why do they want to bother us? see pyramidoftruth   .com 

  • Jussayin

    Don’t forget that black people with mixed blood are also dismissed in this same manner when it comes to black issues, no matter who we date.

  • Cutily

    Actually I’m highly offended by people saying “dating outside of my race” just like there is an established rules forcing people to date within their race.

    I may be biased because my mom is caribbean and my dad biracial but it is not normal at all for me to “date inside my race”, I don’t really care about that and date guys I’m attracted to and who are attracted to me.

    On topic, I would dare anyone to come and tell me that because I date white men I cannot talk as a black woman. Getting love from a white folk doesn’t bleach my skin.

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  • Smacks_hoes

    This site is literally killing me. I now HATE bossip because all they ever do is race bait and I’m so tired of that. This site is on it’s last straw with me. Come on now!! Really another article in interracial dating? Enough is enough? Your constantly shoving this topic down our throats multiple times a week. I have no problems with interracial dating. People should date whoever they want without becoming a “race traitor” or a “coon”…the end!! Now please can you get sone new topics. I swear black people are the only group obsessed with this topic. On no other sites would you see this. Madame noir I’m gonna need you all to do better. That is all

  • Headstart

    The main issue with commentors on this site is that they love to get off topic or dont seem to understand the topic.  The topic of this article is not about interracial dating but whether dating or marrying interracially means you give up your black card. 

  • Chocolate_Star

    Bottom line…this man does not like black women. He’s married to a non-black woman so he needs to go be happy and quit worrying about us. He is desperate for attention and trying to get a rise out of the black community. Self hating won’t get you any further than you already are.

    • Coolstart

      When men marry outside of their race this doesnt men they dont like bw.  If it does, you bw have to blame yourselves for raising boys who dont like women who share your skin color and culture. hmmmm.  That is a good question.  Why 23% of our men raised by black women turn to other races?

      This also includes the self hating rhetoric haters of IR marriage like to sling about.

      Im a bw, btw

  • Lisa

    I have no issue with this guy marrying a white/latina woman but he needs to shut up about black women. He had no business stereotyping “the majority” of black women in the same category as NeNe Leakes. That’s where this brother went wrong. This is what the fuss is about. I agree with others who’ve said they are tired of this discussion, meaning interracial dating, but again, Mr. White dropped the bomb when he needed to get on with his life and marriage and leave black women alone since he has chosen to…..leave black women alone.

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    Don’t really have a big issue with interracial dating. Sometimes when I do see an IR couple I think what is wrong with me, but I won’t go into that lol.

    The only thing I detest is when people put down one race to justify dating another.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    it takes two to tango, so if you keep running into all of these problems with black women, white women or women period then, it’s likely you’re part of the problem as well. obviously if you keep picking the same types of women over and over and using the same methods to select them, you’re going to run into some problems. . .

  • 3464Wow, My best fríènd ,she just has annóuncéd hér wēddīng wīth a rich mān who is a cèlèbrìty !They mèt via~~~~{mixéd Sinɡle.Сσм ~}~~~ is the lārgēst and bēst clúb for rich man with yung and beautiful woman and theìr àdmirèrs to chát ōnlìnè. …You do nǒt hávè to bê rīch ór fāmóùs. ,bùt yōu cān meēt yóùr trùē lòvê , It’s wòrthy ǎ try!zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Shelbygreen

    I am gonna just say this….black woman spend money! And black men spend money on what black women tell them to buy! Now y’all might think has noting to do with anything, but let me give you this…y’all ain’t seen his black hindpots since he married the non-black woman, now have you? The movie they were about to release at the time of his wedding went straight to DVD which lets me now the non-black folks knew it was about to go down. And he made so much as a commercial since. So ladies we, in the end, have more power than they think….we can and will make or break you boy!
    Ask Wesley Snipes!

  • Micmcna1

    Is it received differently? Yes. Should it be? I think that it actually shoudl be. Why? Well, because of the future in which we are headed and the history surrounding racial issues in this country. Now, I am a mix of black and white and myself believe this for many reasons. For one, the number of mixed or biracial children specifically who are partially black or hispanic has risen. But the number of those children or people who don’t identify themselves as black or are quick to point out their biraciality or even identify as white has also risen. I myself for many years identified myself as white even though I am Wesley Snipes black. I know, the question is then why do you have a problem with biracial identification. Because many of those people don’t stick up for or participate in helping the black community. When before in the past, the light-skinned black was the most militant and most for black pride (ie. Malcolm X, Nikki Giovanni) that has changed. Most now say that there is no reason for this and thusly little promotion of black culture in a way that can continue from generation to generation. So the question is then sort of, well why listen to this person who has a biracial child who will grow up not identifying with nor as black? So then the reasoning becomes if me as a black man has a white wife and you as ablack woman has a white husband, how are we helping to repair anything within the AA community if we can get along with each other, because ourt kids will not be part of that community but of the biracial one and the help we are doling out to the community only last for a generation. You can’t fix black marriage with interracial marriage (2 diff things) and you can’t fix the problems within the black community without black people, families and leaders at the crux of it all. this is why we haven’t made much progress in this situation. In the early 1900s when there were blacks married to blacks, and HBCUs thrived, so did are community. Check the stats. We were in a better time with segregation unfortunately than we are in now.

  • Enlightened

    This site gets on my damn nerves sometimes.
    In fact majority black blogs/sites  talk too much about Interracial dating.
    Black people in america got other issues.

    • For real. Like employment, healthcare, child care….who someone is with is no else’s business. Other ppl of color sites never give this much attention to this.

      • IllyPhilly

        Do they give any attention to this topic? Bossip and MN share the same writers. Tomorrow there will be an article about Black woman who date white men part 18.

    •  i tried to double like this…didn’t work 😛 its almost like black blog sites have an obsession with dating white people.

  • IllyPhilly

    Sure unless you’re Sidney Pointer, Huey P. Newton, Quincy Jones, Berry Gordy, Prince, Mike Jackson. TI, BIG, Puffy, Obama’s Daddy, Diana Ross, Kanye West, Diane Carroll, Earth Kitt, and the other celebs we as Black folks still claim. WTF?

    • Abc

      Forgot Frederick Douglass…

  • Forreals

    I ain’t got no doubt this ninjas wife will be divorcing his sorry black a s s in a few years if that long! That how it always seem to go for ninja n a non black chick. He’ll be cryin like Kobe tiger n seal in a few years n imma laugh my a s s off when I read bout it! Ignant ninja

  • Based on Brian’s comments, I automatically assumed he was either married to or dating a woman of another race…IJS

    • IllyPhilly

      Really? Waaaaaay before his comments, I just knew he was on the DL. I’m happy he’s dating a woman.

      • Canudigit

        Yeah, he is clearly gay, DL

  • I am so sick of this topic. Who someone dates is no one’s business. I personally prefer to date outside my race because I have yet to meet a black man who I feel connected too. Does that make me less black? No it doesn’t. 

    Brian’s comments was out of line but he isn’t less black b/c of who he dates. Perhaps if black women stop trying so hard to find a good black man and look for a good man we wouldn’t have this problem.

  • Love_Sexy

    Here we go again…….I foresee a very long thread about to form on this topic.

  • Kickitoutthedoor

    As a black women married to a white man, no one has ever accused me of not being black.  But I have noticed that on this site many women do discount men for dating and marrying out.  I think it has mainly to do with commentors being unable to state their position so they have to go off topic and make everything a black/white issue.  Who Brian is married to doesnt negate his position.  Those who were properly able argue for or against his point didnt have to bring his wife into the matter.

  • Oneflynatural

    FOR ME, finding out a Black man is married to a White woman is like finding out a Black person is a Republican… they’re still the same person you’ve meet and grown to like, but there’s a little something about them that just ain’t right… like a relatability issue or something. With that being said, a Black man married to a White woman’s opinion on the plights of the Black community would have less value (to me) than that of a Black man married to a Black woman.  Good article BTW

  • I fail to see how a black man being married to a non black woman somehow strips him of his “black card”. It’s funny how a brother who decides to marry out is called everything but a child of God, but a black woman doing the same thing is often celebrated as a hero. All across the internet black blogs celebrate black women for choosing to date outside the race, while demonizing black men who exhibit the same behavior.

    Why is it acceptable for black women to pursue the love and affections of non black men and often remain free from judgment but the moment I look in the direction of a non black woman I’m labeled an “Uncle Tom”? Why do black women get a pass for saying “black men ain’t sh1t” but the moment I insinuate black women are lacking class in 2012 all I receive is “You must hate your mother”? These are questions black women need to answer but they don’t want to because they’re scared to face the truth.

    Your shaming tactics (name calling) will only work for so long. Most of us are at the point where we don’t even listen to the complaints of black women anymore. I know I’m at the stage where I simply read the comments and laugh. None of you are willing to consider the world of dating from the perspective of a professional black man. It’s easier to dismiss my claims about a lack of eligible black women to date because that would require most of you to look in the mirror. It would require you to self reflect on who you are as a person. No, black women don’t want to do that because you don’t want to face the reality that you are not perfect. You don’t want to face the reality that you play a significant role in your own misery and pain. And finally, you don’t want to face the reality that until you get your self right you’re not going to find happiness with anyone- even a white boy.

    • Forreals

      Magister noone cares who ur ignant koon a s s is dating! U one of those bitter angry ninjas that sistaz welcome moving on. I’d imagine u have trouble keeping any woman of any race happy n I get the feeling that’s alot of the bitterness that u show on these boards that u sit on all day bashin sistaz! I don’t get ninjas like u that say they done moved on but they sit around all the time talking bout the same sistaz they say they don’t have no use for. If u done moved on then go! Ain’t noone missing u. Like I said I’m sure a ninja wit ur bitterness can’t keep a woman period cuz just like u ninjas always want to tell a sistaz to look in the mirror but u ninjas refuse to do the same n that’s y ur relationships wit non black females last less time. Noone wanna deal wit u ninjas attitudes either. Remember when a sista step outta her race her relationships last much longer then when ninja step out of his. Ninja responsible for his own misery n pain too. Ninja can’t keep a woman anymore then he say sistaz can’t keep no man. Whomp!

      • Cakes

        No offense, but your comment is full of bitterness…

        • Sugar_Spice

          I’d have to agree, especially with the repetitive use of the word ninja as oppose to brotha man, black men, etc.

          • guest

             he don’t deserve those titles…he’s a n!66A through and through…

    • Me

      That’s interesting because something must be off about white women also.  Look at all of these famous biracial people with black fathers ie Hallie and the POTUS who lrave them.  NUMEROUS black male other female relationships dont work.  Look at Heidi and Seal.  You even kill white women because of your obsession with them.  Black men put other women through a lot.  Im even waiting for the next high profile murder.

    • Miller

      Magister you sometimes make good arguments & sometimes excellent points. My problem with you is your bias undertones. Instead of consistently downing black women, why not do something to help black men ? You talk a good game about black women & what we need to do, but yet you do nothing to help your black brothers. 

      In case you didn’t noticed you all are behind in every category known to man so instead of putting so much focus on us, spending hours on end blogging & writing about us black women help your brothers. We get it you have deep hate for us okay ! All I ask is that you please accept the fact brothers are not in any position to judge. 

       You spend a lot of time uplifting white women as if all of them look like Barbie & act Stepford & you never have anything positive to say about the women of your own race. It’s actually sad & embarrassing the way some brothers act as if a white woman is his biggest accomplishment & the only goal he can accomplish in life.  As far as black women dating white men i’m still not convinced. We have always been known to keep to our own. Now matter how much propaganda they push I don’t believe it. Kudos to the 2-3 women that do date white men, but please don’t get it twisted !

      • Your response to my earlier comment is all over the place. You’ve made so many sweeping generalizations about my perceptions of black women and non black women alike, that I had no idea where i should begin.

        For starters, at no time have I ever put white women on a pedestal. You cannot highlight one post where I expressed a preference for Caucasian women. Indeed, I have shared my dating experiences with non black women, but that was done as a rebuttal to the constant misinformation shared on African American blogs.

        There’s a famous saying “Assumptions are the mother of all f*ckups” and you Miller, as in usual fashion, have f*cked up. For a variety of reasons you’re under the belief my criticisms of African American women somehow stem from hate. Initially, I found your beliefs surprising but considering that they’re used as a mechanism to prevent black men from expressing a general disappointment with black women, I think I’ll ignore any inclinations to change my approach.

        I find it fascinating how black women are absolved from any wrong doing when disrespecting black men but the moment a black man expressing his dissatisfaction with the opposite sex he’s labeled a “black woman hater”. That might be a nice label for someone not well versed in black history but I understand who started the anti black male crusade in “our” community, and it wasn’t black men.

        Nonetheless, you’re going to believe what you want to believe because you find it convenient to ignore the actions of your gender in preference to criticize the actions of mine. I have nor the time or energy to continue these verbal joust with black women online because it’s solving nothing. I understand the type of people I’m conversing with so continuing any dialogue with delusional black women is fruitless and below my scope of interest.

        When you can present solid facts that strengthen your argument I’ll gladly respond, but as it is today your habitual necessity to present dubious speculations as facts has done nothing more but confirm my earlier suspicions that you’re a troll looking to be fed.

        Sorry, Miller, but the kitchen is closed. Have a good night.

        • Miller

          98% of your comments from your blog that I have only visited a few times…. lol because we have had this conversation before ( jk lighten up). I said that to say “since the last time I checked” so I will give you that. I don’t know as of now….moving on. 

          98% of your comments have been about what the black women need to do, how you have every right to date your non- black woman…like really is it that serious ? It’s the same with your blog and you are still at it. I have pointed out on many different occasions to you & others that share your same views that you all share one typical common factor ” you blame the black woman, but never take man responsibility ” NEVER You give the impression that black men are some gods and ummm hello. That’s all i’m saying ! I never hear you discussing bm issues. NEVER ! This is how I came to my conclusion as far as my initial comment. Maybe I did assume you hate/dislike black women. That’s the impression you send on a regular basis. That is the only topic you have an opinion on literally 98% of the time. As I said above you have expressed your love for the non-black woman on many occasions but never bw. If I am wrong for drawing a conclusion based on all of thee above I some what apologize Pause for a minute. I would say so far we are working with all facts.You know me better than that to assume it’s convenient to ignore the actions of my race/gender.Collectively we have some work to do. I have said that to you many times. We sometimes can be loud, have I don’t need you attitudes, etc etc…we have had this conversation before. Is that it ? How bad is that. That’s all we need to do, and then we are #WINNING. Come on now my brother I think we all know it’s deeper than that.Oh and your insultsYou comment was full of them & big words that’s it….NEXTMost importantly let me say I luv my black brothers. When I speak i’m mainly talking to the….. how do I say this without insulting anyone ?

          Also I know there is a big difference between ir dating loving who you luv & someone with deep seeded issues. 

          • Coolstart

            @Miller, from many of your previous comments, it can be assumed that you are opposed to IR relationships.  You tend to assume that people who date outside of their race possess self hatred. Now you claim you’re ok with it.

            @Magister, although, I agree with many of your points, I do think you should address black men for their many inadequacies concerning our community.  I will not believe bw are free of responsibility.  But I will hold strong to the belief that black men should carry our community –  Provide, protect, teach and too many of our men choose not to do so. And with that too many bm are quick to call out bw for their faults but forget to mention the bm role in this mess. 

            • Miller

              To clear your assumptions I thought I made it clear that i’m all for dating who you like….just show some respect. Black men are the only race on the planet who disrespect the women of their very own race and it’s pure ignorance & makes us look bad as a race.

              As a woman I choose to date within and most black women do. My stance on that is stop making it seem like we are stalking white men when all things point to the fact sister’s mostly stick to our own. I’m sick of our race being painted as pathetic because we are obsessed with white people…..I mean why ? Brothers can have that title over their head if they like, but don’t start pushing that ignorance off on us black women. We have made it clear since the beginning of time we like our own. NOT that white men won’t date us, as some will lead you to believe. Now if that what you mean by me being against IR dating when it comes to the Queens…so be it

              I find it funny that you say now i’m cool with it lol, clearly I don’t know who you have mistaken me for but I have always been cool with it. The only time I have a problem is when certain black men like MV and a few others are always tearing us down. Give us a break damn. That’s all I am saying

        • WL805

          I’m a white guy who has been in two serious relationships with a black women… so I can only claim this experience and can’t generalize.
          Compared to the white women i’ve dated, these two black women both had hot tempers, tended to go “ghetto” when they got mad. Although they were both hot and flirtatious, they didn’t really perform that well in bed and had an attitude about giving it up too often. (Don’t even go there… my junk is better than most black men).  They were both sweet and loyal.  Lots of fun. But also just expected that their man (me) would take care of all their financial needs.  No problem doing that… just that it was “expected”.
          They both ended after realizing that, as a professional, I really enjoyed the fun and love they brought into my life, but I couldn’t get past the drama and ghetto stuff that just didn’t fit with my friends and family.
          It’s got nothing to do with skin color… I’m blind to that.

          • guest

             …another bitter black male disguised as a white guy…dont u neegrows ever quit?…

          • TeachTheWorldToThink

            The fact that you use the term “ghetto” as an adjective and the term “junk” to reference your reproductive organ and make the ignorant, stereotypical comparison of that member and other (human) characteristics based on color just renders your whole post BS. Nothing about what you wrote sounds like anything a “professional” would write. Your type of repugnant “white” or “white liberal” mentality is the very reason that most black women won’t give a white male the time of day. The “white” supremacist mentality is far too prevalent in this society. And it is carried by americans both white and black, male and female, unfortunately.

      • Love_Sexy

        And on that note I agree 100%.

    • Love_Sexy

      You are perfectly in your right to date or love who you want and I respect that…….However both BM and BW have flaws that need to be addressed because Its just not one sided……Instead of pointing the finger and attacking  “BW this and BW that” maybe  you should think about ways to help BM and BW come together and resolve their issues, build better relationships and a community………..Continue attacks is only going to further the gap between the two.

      • I’ve done my part in trying to foster stronger relationships between black men and women but to no avail. If you visit my blog and read my latest article “Drama in the New Year” you will develop a better understanding of the attempts I made behind the scenes to create a more postive vibe on black blogs.

        • Love_Sexy

          The effort must continue if you are doing so and to remain positive…….. As I stated before along with some of the other women on this blog attacking BW in a public forum does not look very good….Especially in front of non-black people who review these websites….Some of them find amusement from a race that is very much divided and I will leave it at that.

        • Samantha121

          U JUS LIKE DRAMA

    • Lynda

      Black men also need to look in the mirror and be honest about what they see.  Part of the black women’s problem is the way they have been mistreated by the black man.  I’m so sick of people in general thinking it’s ok to talk about black woman in a negative light, as if other races of woman don’t have their own issues.  The black women date or marry outside of their race because most black men are in prison, gay, addicted to drugs, on the down low, under achievers or dating white woman.  I don’t mean that as an insult, it’s just the truth. Again, most not all black men. There are still some good black men in the world. Unfortunately, the bad out weighs the good. Dating or marrying outside of your races, doesn’t take away form your blackness. But dating or marrying outside of your races and then putting down women within your race, just isn’t cool.  Maybe, when black men get themselves together, black women will follow suit. 

      • brian k

        “I’m so sick of people in general thinking it’s ok to talk about black woman in a negative light….The black women date or marry outside of their race because most black
        men are in prison, gay, addicted to drugs, on the down low, under
        achievers or dating white woman..most not all black men.’

        Re-read what you wrote.  If you do not see any ounce of hyprocrisy then so be it.

        • Lynda

          Let me start by saying, most black women are loyal to their black brothers. Rarely, do they date or marry outside of their race.( Which is why there are so many single black females) When a black women choices to date outside of her race, she recieves a lot of scrutiny from other black women and also black men. I not only re-read what I wrote, I will also repeat part of what I said. “The black women, date or marry outside of their race because most black men are in PRISON, GAY, ADDICTED TO DRUGS, ON THE DOWN LOW, UNDER ACHIEVERS, or DATING WHITE WOMEN.  I don’t mean that as an insult, it’s just the truth. Again, most not all black men. There are still some good black men in the world. Unfortunately, the bad out weighs the good.”. Again, there are still some good, decent, hard working, loving and strong black men in the world today. ( I’m married to one of them)   Take 10 minutes and honestly look at most of todays black man and tell me what you see. My comments about the black men is fairly accurate and if you are honest with yourself, you would agree. If the truth hurts, so be it.

          • Jessi

            Lynda, the reason why I decided to date and eventually marry outside of my race was because I saw that the numbers were stacked against me.  After comparing the number of single black women against the number of ‘eligible’ black men, I knew I had to make a move. When I was single I liked certain  men – those without baby mamas, those without prison records, those who liked to travel, those who were not current or former drug dealers, those who are exclusively hetersexual, those who are Christian, those who believed in marriage, and educated (not necessarily university educated, but post secondary educated in some form or another).  And lets not forget he must have decent and trustworthy character traits.  Of course there were bm who possessed my requirements but they why few and far in between.  On campus, there were a small pool of black men.  I think the biggest obstacle I encountered were coming across those without children.


            Im glad that I made the decision to date outside of my race because I have friends who are holding out for that bm and sad to say, it has yet to happen.  I dont regret my decision.  I have a great husband and am head over in love.  I never felt this way about a man before so cleary I advocate dating beyond your race.

            • “single black women against the number of ‘eligible’ black men”

              Well look at that sleight of hand… does single=eligible… What makes a woman eligible… 

              I will say this… The number of ELIGIBLE BM compared to the number of ELIGIBLE BW are about equal… 

              Date who you please, stop using the ineligible BM as your excuse, just as many BW f*ckups as there are BM

              • Jessi

                Here we go….It’s obvious I think single black women arent f*ck ups because I didnt mention that in my statement.  I should gone oooonnnn and on about bw’s negative issues to appease ADONIS.  How about this….you write what you want me to say and attach my name to it.

                Dont assume I place black women on a pedestal b/c I didnt use the “right word. 

                • Adonis

                  You wrote it Jessi, I am just pointing it out. If you are as great as you say, you should have no problem having quality BM suitors as well as quality non-BM… Cause quality women are just as rare OR as plentiful as quality men.

          • Idiot

            Obviously you don’t understand the meaning of the word hypocrisy.  You say that you’re sick of people talking negatively about black women, then you proceed to spout off negative factually unsupported information about black men.  Someone could easily make the same negative generalizations about black women.  Studies show that black women are more likely to be obese, have STD’s and out of wedlock children.  Stop being a hypocrite.  Stop acting as if black women as a whole are doing better than black men because its not true. Both black men and women suffer from many of the same problems and face the same negative stereotypes from society.  Black men are viewed as worthless thugs and black women are viewed as fat, loud, welfare collecting sows.  Its sad to see that some black people are starting to believe these stereotypes.  All races of men and women have problems.  Some people are worth marrying and some are not.

          • ImaaLin

            … You do know most black men are with black women right?

            • guest

               black men are not with anybody, that’s how they spread themselves among thirsty mammies like u.

    • MEH

      You ignore the complaints of BW, fine. I ignore about 99.99% of what BM say period.

  • Danielle1 Graves

    I don’t think marrying outside your race trumps your black card I think it’s just the WAY some people mainly men choose to express their opinions. For some men it comes off as this misogynist ‘all black women act ghetto attitude’. A lot of men arent taking responsibility for their part in their failed relationships with black women.

  • chaka1

    I am sick of this topic and talking about it. Marry who you want to marry and deal with it. 

    • Love_Sexy

      Again, Thank You!

    • IllyPhilly

      If only it were that easy. Black card, I threw that muthaf*cka away when the whole no snitching thing came about.

    • Khanchaka

      I think this topic has a diffent spin.  It’s not solely about interracial marriage, but about foregoing your black card because blacks marry non blacks

  • Ouygfytc

    I didn’t know his wife was non-black and I still disregarded his comments because I am a black woman, I know lots of black women and the majority are not like Nene.  I really don’t think he knows what he is talking about…. regardless of how many black woman he claims to know.  Why can’t we take into account who he married?  Its possible that race didn’t factor into his choosing a wife but considering he thinks the majority of black women are ‘urban’ and he clearly is not a fan of this behavior… isn’t it possible he disregarded us when he was choosing who he would spend the rest of his life with?  That’s a pretty huge decision, why wouldn’t it factor in and why wouldn’t that mentality factor into how he sees black women as a majority? 

  • he’s black because his mother was black and his father was black and they made a black baby. So whoever he dates has nothing to do with his “blackness’

  • Sugar_Spice

    I personally think his message would’ve been better received had his wife been black because it feels like aside from his mother & sisters, HE only knows of black women based on what HE sees on tv. Their reality is not the reality of every or even most black woman out there. While I agreed with some of Brian White’s observations, I feel like the way he was stating it was off. I feel like he did generalize a lot in his interview & also had a condesending tone to it.

  • Great article. I think we do tend to disregard comments about Black women made by Black men who are married to “others,” and we tend to disregard comments made by angry Black women who are married to white men and make negative comments about Black men.  We do this because we assume their opinions will be biased, and not given from an objective point of view. It’s hard to make a sound argument about something that “gets to you” emotionally.

  • Live_in_LDN

    Interesting article Brande. I predict that the comments will be 300+.

    Your article took a very diplomatic approach and took account the different attitudes and I agree with everyone of them.

    person is different. Every interacial relationship is different.
    Individuals enter relationships outside their own race for different

    Some individuals are ‘pushed’ away from their own based
    on issues of self loathing whilst others are ‘pulled’ towards the other
    based on unrealistic myths (i.e white women are loyal, white men are respectable, blah de blah). I’ve come across these people. They make me sick. They are obviously sheltered and watch way too much tv. I wouldnt take notice of any of their commenaty on racial/social issues based on the fact that they live their life based on stereotypes and generalisations.

    This is nothing to do with them dating out but due with their reasons for doing so.

    Some people on the other hand just happen to fall in love with someone who happens to have different skin colouring to them. I myself have dated out. I have been on dates with black guys, one Indian guy, one white guy and one guy who was half Thai and half caucausian. I didn’t date these guys based on their race but because at the time, I thought they were super cool guys regardless of the shell they came in.

    Brian’s points urked me not because of his white wife but because black women and black men are always bashing each other. We are the only race who do this so publicly. You would never get Jackie Chan releasing a statement about how wack asian women are. Yes white people do play battle of the sexes too but they don’t make it racial.

    We need to stop attacking each other. 🙁

    • keli

      I agree with your response completely. I wish Black people would recognize their personal issues, own them and make a change. And love themselves! And each other instead of what they can never have or be! 

      Also, I don’t really care what Brian White thinks. Those are his opinions, not facts. 

  • this topic is sooooo played out! like c’mon. really? haven’t black folks had this discussion millions of times. 

    • Love_Sexy

      Thank you!………I agree with you 100%

    • Co-sign!!  It’s getting old.

    • IllyPhilly

      We’re going for a billion, don’t ya know?

  • Live_in_LDN

    Interesting article Brande. I predict that the comments will be 300+.

    Your article took a very diplomatic approach and took account the different attitudes and I agree with everyone of them.

    Every person is different. Every interacial relationship is different. Individuals enter relationships outside their own race for different reasons.

    Some individuals are ‘pushed’ away from their own based on issues of self loathing whilst others are ‘pulled’ towards the other based on unrealistic myths (i.e white women are

    • IllyPhilly

      Interracial dating, marriage is fine. If they’re not dating your man/woman, why worry? It’s an issue when he denies his Blackness until he wants Black dollars like so many other celebs do. MN go find them,

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