Dangerously In Love: Warning Signs To Protect Your Heart From Harming You

February 4, 2012  |  

In the very beginning, new relationships can be exciting and take us on a roller coaster ride. For some, the more tumultuous the twists and turns, the more intrigued we become – mistaking dysfunction for a “normal” relationship. While not all unhealthy relationships involve physical abuse, it’s important to recognize when a partnership no longer makes us feel good about ourselves.

Here are some warning signs to look for to help you get out of a bad situation before you find yourself dangerously in love…

A bad temper

Does your mate have a short fuse and fly off the handle at the slightest incident? Many men who lose their temper easily find themselves getting physical with people or into altercations with complete strangers, and will eventually aim his anger toward you. Sometimes, women mistake this negative energy as passion, and feel that it is a sign that he truly cares, when in reality he’s just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Jealous behavior

Jealousy is never Hot, on anyone. And if your man feels that you were a little “too friendly” towards the waiter, things can get very uncomfortable very quickly. If your partner tries to isolate you from your friends, your family and the rest of the outside world, chances are his insecurities will lead you to feel trapped and resentful. Constantly feeling like you have to defend yourself or give in to jealous tantrums is a sure sign that there is no trust – and where there is no trust, there is no relationship.

He tries to control you

No one wants to be bossed around, especially not by someone who is supposed to be your equal in a relationship. Your mate shouldn’t feel the need to tell you what to do, who to speak to, how to behave, where you can or cannot go or who you can associate with. If he must know where you are, where you’re going and who you’re with at all times, he probably can’t be trusted himself.

 

Physically abusive

Probably the most obvious warning sign is if your partner is physically abusive towards you. Love is never supposed to hurt, and raising a hand to someone in anger is never okay. If your mate pushes, shoves, slaps or punches you – for any reason – run in the other direction, call the police and report the abuse and never look back. Once it starts, it won’t stop unless you leave – and it’ll never get better, only worse. Many have lost their lives believing that their man will change.

Verbal Abuse

Words sting with the same power as a punch, and can wear you down to the point where you feel worthless. If your mate intimidates you, threatens you, insults you or embarrasses you in private or public, it’s time to get out of the relationship to preserve your self esteem and emotional sanity. Your mate is supposed to love and uplift you, not shoot you down or make you feel fearful or small in his presence.

He or she abuses drugs or alcohol

Most physical or verbal outbursts are fueled by drug or alcohol abuse, so if you’re involved with an addict of any kind, it may be time to back away from the relationship while they seek rehabilitation. Some people do things they wouldn’t normally do while under the influence, but that is no excuse to stay if they can’t control their behavior. Some men and women feel guilty if they “abandon” a partner fighting drug or alcohol addiction, but enabling their behavior will only make it worse. Leave for your own safety while they seek help elsewhere. Their sobriety is not your responsibility, especially if your well being is at stake.

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  • His6sweety

    WOW!!!!! I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED THIS YEARS AGO!!! My baby daddy was all these things & I was suck with him for 7 years!!!! I am proud 2 say now that I am happily married 2 a man who loves me and my kids!

    • zina

      I’m so happy for you darling because you are worth it now and forever.

  • Pahleeze

    If all else fails get a gun…problem solved:-)

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  • MixedUpInVegas

    I must be the only woman who cannot understand how you could love someone who is abusive to you.  Even if you start off loving him, once his true nature is revealed, why doesn’t that destroy any warm feelings you ever had for him?

    • Now I’m me

      Because the real abuse is that they get in your head. They are pedators and they only choose women whose heads they can get into, and then they do. You think it is all you, you think you are crazy, they aren’t really abusive, you are just making things up. YOU cause it! They have a RIGHT to be treated good, and YOU aren’t good enough. YOU aren’t normal, they are. If YOU treated anyone else the way YOU treat them, anyone else would dump you. But because they love you so much, they won’t dump you, they will help you.

      For me, getting out of an abusive relationship couldn’t happen until I decided I had the RIGHT to be me. Whoever that is… (and that wasn’t the way I was raised).

      I think the way someone is raised is the #1 risk factor for abusive relationships.

      • sara

        You are exactly right. I’m an abuse advocate that works in the hospitals. I used to think, Why don’t they just leave? Its so much easier said than done. These victims generally have 0 self esteem, no one else is ever going to love them, they deserve this, their families are tired of the drama, the going back & forth or dnt believe its as bad as it is & financial resources.although DV affects all socio-economic classes, most victims I see don’t have the money to just up & leave without assistance & it can be very difficult to get into a shelter especially if she has 2 or morekids where it can be down right impossible because of bed availability. I’ve paid for hotel rooms myself because I don’t want to see mom & 3 kids sleeping in her car because there aren’t any beds available & she has no money. Abusers are many times “the life of the party”, “the nicest guy in the world” but when they get in private, a switch gets flipped. A huge reason the dnt leave is fear. They are scared for themselves, their kids & families. When a DV victim leaves the abuser, it is the most dangerous time. That is generally when a victm ends up dead. And victims ha

  • Take that Take that

    I’d like to add “restraint” to the “physical abuse” red flag. My ex would hold my arms and pin me down on the bed or against the wall and yell in my face. At the time I would second guess myself on whether or not it was abuse; hindsight being 20/20, I know it was and should’ve called the police on him to get him put out of my apartment.

    • mwaha ha

      I had an ex who sit on me.

      • Benita Marie

        *who’d

  • traceykinohio

    D.Violence is something that burns me to my soul. I had a little taste of it early on in my relationship, until I told my family. Need i say things took a huge turn when my mother put a gun to his head & threatened his very life. He begged for mercy. I was empowered after that and haven’t taken a grain of shit from any man since. If anyone has this going on – TELL SOMEBODY & save yourself. Too many stories of murder/suicide, etc. Don’t be that statistic! Please.

  • sweettea

    U missed a few other red flags : the relationship is intense and moves super fast and ever ex girlfriend is a crazy psycho according to him.