Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.
A few weeks back, I received flak in the comments section of Madame Noire for my now infamous post, “How Black Men View Baby Mamas.”
Some six weeks later, I’m still receiving angry responses. So, I decided to re-state my case.
First, the intent of my original post was that, we should decry the use of the term “baby mama.” We shouldn’t accept it because the broken family structure is all too common in our communities and I’d much rather more two-parent households.
Second, I never said that dating a woman with kids is totally crossed out as an option for me—because I know quite a few young mothers that are not only attractive but great women—but, for the point at which I am in life right now, I prefer childless partners. It’s my personal preference and I have a right to it…just like some women prefer a man that’s a certain height, complexion, earns a certain amount, or whatever other arbitrary requirement. At least I’m man enough to admit my preferences (although for the right woman I’m willing to do anything).
Thirdly, someone made a comment stating something to the effect of: ‘how could I ostracize single mothers when I myself am the product of a fatherless household?’ In essence, the person suggested that I was disrespecting my mother in the process. I have nothing but love and respect for my mother, not just because she gave me life but I witnessed her strength and determination as she raised me and my three siblings by herself.
See, I understand first-hand that all marriages don’t work. My mother was married and it didn’t work, but I wouldn’t ask her to stay in a relationship with my father just to live out my idea of a nuclear family. Along with marriages failing, husbands die and sometimes a child is conceived between two people who plan to be together forever, but, unfortunately, things just don’t pan out as intended.
My point in wanting to be married before having kids (i.e. preferring to marry a woman without children) is that at least I made a concerted effort to start from scratch, do the “right thing,” or at least what I consider the “right way.” I don’t want to be anything like my father, who rendered my mom a “single mom.”
For those of you women out there who are raising your children in ways that are best for your child, I say, at the very least: you are appreciated.