Is Sex What REALLY Gets A Man? See What These Men Have To Say

December 7th, 2011 - By MN Editor

"morris chestnut and gabrielle union"

 

by Quierra Davis-Martin

We often hear that for women, “sex is her power.” For centuries women have used their bodies and beauty to attain some type of reward. Whether that be negative or positive, women to this day still use sex as a weapon even in relationships. If her man is acting up she withholds sex, if her man has gotten her a beautiful gift she rewards him with sex. It’s very apparent that we as women use sex to our advantage at times.

Many women believe this works when first meeting a guy as well. I had a good friend who would always be meeting successful, well rounded, wonderful guys but she couldn’t seem to keep them interested for very long. I remember her always saying things like “just wait, I’m going to have him hooked once I put it on him”. She truly believed that when first meeting a guy, good sex is what would win him over and keep him around. Apparently her theory wasn’t working to her advantage. Granted, every guy wants sexual satisfaction from a woman he is interested in, but is this what really makes him determine whether or not he’ll be sticking around for the long haul? If you have sex with a guy right away, are your chances of keeping him interested higher?

I interviewed a few of my male friends and found out some pretty astonishing information. The majority of them said if they REALLY liked a woman, they’d actually rather wait awhile before having sex with her. They went on to say if they were driven by lust and didn’t really see a future with the woman they’d have sex with her right away. This was very interesting to me. I wondered if it was because they were afraid things would mess up. One of my good friends said he’d rather wait because if he really liked a woman he’d be more interested in getting to know her. He said that when a man really likes a woman he’s interested in wooing her and courting her. He looks forward to dates and long conversations. Sex becomes the desert as opposed to being the main course. He even said if he has sex with a woman he liked too soon, things naturally became awkward.

I truly believe that the awkwardness comes from being intimate with someone who you really know nothing about. It should feel weird and unnatural to anyone to experience sex with someone you barely know. Sure men can have sex and it can be purely sex for him but how does he usually feel afterwards? He’s ready to run to the nearest exit! When you take time getting to know someone sometimes sex is even better. You become more in tune with one another on an emotional level. When you have sex too soon, sometimes you’re not sure what to talk about after. This seems to be most of my male friend’s dilemma. They usually state that they meet a beautiful woman, take her home, have amazing sex with her, but by morning they are DYING to get away from her. Men usually say they feel this way for many reasons. The top 5 reasons are listed below

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  • Iky

    i totally agree with this article. there is that execeptional case where a guy gets married to one night stand. and women always believe that sex will make him love you more or stay. wake up sisters

  • Liluvnpeace

     I want to know what u all think about just waiting till marriage to have sex? It seems as if everybody is doing it now adays and the media seems to play a huge role in this.
     I am a 24 year old virgin girl. I am an attractive,  beautiful girl and so very few ppl that I had told found it very surprising. As for me, I am extreamly proud of myself, and WILL keep it till i find my soulmate. Eventhough temptations are always there (like always lol), there is this power that always tells me not to go further! I have never regrated not doing it! it taught me self control in other fields aswell.
     I really want to know what u all’s perspectives are on this….thx ;)

    • cabugs

      Yea you are right. It is really sad that the media only portrays one kind of sexuality – and its the kind that is given up and shared with everyone (virgins just don’t exist on TV! or they are ridiculed). Anyway, I also plan to share myself with the one I am married to and I hope that I will find a man who has saved himself too (although with the double standard in life, I think that would be such a difficult task). I am 18 now and it’s really sad to me thinking back that at the age of 15, I decided that I would totally have sex at least once with any guy I dated because I just believed (through TV and friends of course) that there was absolutely NO WAY that a guy would stay with me if I didn’t have sex with him. Anyway, I have changed my mind about that, thank God, because I really now think it is worth it to wait. For my own emotional health, my beliefs, but also these days because of all the infections and diseases out there. (Yes, I plan to  have my husband tested for infections including AIDs – even if we are married, I still need to know and not risk our health).

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000262684513 Ashley Taylor

    nothing better than sex with with the one you love, say what u want! but that is the best!

  • Love_Sexy

    IDK why my post was deleted but MN I was interested in commenting on this article…..So what happened?

  • Darkman

    Between 15 and 25, sex is mostly what a man really wants: we want to score, we like the chase, we like the trophy. That’s why we run after, to the next one. At this age, having sex right away or after 2 months doesn’t change anything: once you are targeted as a trophy, the chase is on until the hit.

    Once we are older and used to sex, we try go beyond sex, try to understand why people stay together. Then, a one night stand count a bit less against the girl, since we’re trying to know you. But I don’t think a lot of men marry a close encounter they had in a night club bathroom: if you give it to me that easily, you’ll give to anyone…

    • (EG)O

      You’re proving my point. Immature men will judge and say “Ewwww, if she gives it up to me, she will to everyone” Mature men can think a little further than that.

  • Number1

    No, but it will help you keep one. Problem is that is what a lot of men only want, but not all. As women you have to learn to distinguish between a man who just wants to screw you and those who want to be with you. I, as a man, do not believe in having sex without commitment or the thought of it. 

    • Love_Sexy

      And I agree with you 100%.

  • Blbrryrn

    wow! i completely agree with leon! Each time i’ve had sex with a man too soon that relationship either went NO where or turned into him calling me at 12am trying to screw and that’s it!!1 No dates! Nothing! So ilearned my lesson and i no longer have sex right away! i at least wait until we’ve been on a few dates and like each other! GREAT READ!!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1046674651 Leon Thomas III

    Nothing is ever 100% but the OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of men share this very sentiment.  Just be cognisant ladies.  One of the main reasons so many women are single and so many men seem uninterested in marriage is that far too many women are easy to bed. Emphasis on EASY.

    • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

      I agree completely

    • (EG)O

      Immaturity at its best. The assumption here is that men want to marry so they can have sex….Ummm, I don’t want anybody marrying me for sex. Why are men so judgmental? Can you get your brains to move past your dixs?????

      • Darkman

        No the assumption is when a woman give away sex, she’s not wife material.  A long date before sex give a man the (false) confidence that she will not give his treasure on the first come first save basis.

        • Love_Sexy

          Agree with this 100%

        • Darkman

          first com first served basis

    • Love_Sexy

      Yes I would have to agree with you.

      • Guest

        Most women do so poorly in relationships because they don’t understand how men think.  We don’t think the same as women do. Men don’t get married for sex.  But if you have sex too early then we tend to only see you as a fun time and have little incentive to get to know you.  If men were as shallow as you think we are then every women who could “put it down” would be married.  Any woman who thinks this is actually the one who is immature.  I don’t know any man who married a women solely because she is good in bed. 

        • Darkman

          I do know plenty men who marry women because they were good in bed, but their marriages lasted for some, only because they had a mistress and a WIFE the same time.

  • Firestarter

    For those men that uses either or all of the 5 reasons stated above about sexual encounters they have had, should stop being so prideful afterwards.  Eight times out of ten, that woman used the same reasoning for not wanting to deal with that guy again.  We are more alike than what we think.  I have used all 5 reasoning for not contacting or accepting any form of communication afterwards.  It didn’t matter how long I waited or not to have sex with him.  Sex has a way of bringing out the raw emotions (emotions that are withheld) in us.  I have find that after waiting for 7 months to have sex with someone, brought out the same feeling that would have shown up on a 1 night stand.  That feeling was run like hell.  I used 1 and 2 for my reasoning.  Not being able to emotionally commit is just that.  It happens with both sex.  In addition, both sex seems to think that sex is a way to a person’s heart.  They also used those 5 reasons for not staying in contact with each other.  This is not a male thing or a female thing.  It is both.  

    • Islandbap

      You are correct in your assessment. Women are sexual just as men; although we have been conditioned to think otherwise and are emotional creatures. There are times when women want just a sexual encounter and nothing else. A woman should never connect her self-esteem to a man. Own who you are and live your life as you see fit. Some people connect through a sexual experience because it’s a part of their life journey. Sex is a natural part of life. Final note: Not all men are marriage material and the woman has a say also.

  • Guest

    Yes, sure a man will tell you that to your face, but the next day he is getting married to his “one night stand”.

    • RAY

      someone sounds bitter.

      • Afrolatinalove

        She does not sound bitter. That’s simply her opinion. I know men who have married one night stands and men who have married long-time sweethearts…both groups have said this…he married her because he liked her and loved her…and above all he was ready. With men, timing is Everything because they can not commit to anyone if they themselves are not in a good place in their own lives.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1046674651 Leon Thomas III

      ONLY if he’s a sucka.  Beta male aka anti ALPHA MALE.

    • Darkman

      Nobody marry a one night stand, a perfect stranger, unless she’s a wife material. That something you can feel, because you had a real conversation, not a few jiggle and bang!

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