If you’re all caught up on Insecure, you’re familiar with the situation playing out between characters Molly and Dro that hit a peak on the “Hella LA” episode. The two apparently go way back along with Dro’s wife Candice who is out of town for this episode leaving her husband to have a good time at a day party called “Kiss N’ Grind” with their mutual old friend. Now I’m not the type who think old boy has to sit in a corner not making eye contact at this event because he’s married, but things take a turn from, “Remember back in the day when…” such and such and ha ha’s, to Molly backing her behind up on Dro when the classic Juvenile song, “Slow Motion” comes on. It’s only a matter of time before Dro mentions he and Candice are in an open marriage and down to do whatever with Molly if she’s up for it. Although she doesn’t ride his Dunkaccino colored body right on the dance floor like dude is a mechanical bull, you can tell she wrestles with his offer for the remainder of the night, before hesitantly rejecting an invitation to Netflix and Chill while naked to round out the night. But there’s a look in her eye that she gives approximately at the 19:00 mark that I recognize. She’s thought about this before. She might just have a case of “Woman Waiting In the Wings” syndrome. And the first time I saw it was the only time in my life I ever had physical fight with another woman.
I’ve only ever been in one physical fight in my life and I don’t really like to talk about it. It’s probably because it’s more that I was “jumped” than it was a actually a fair fight. But until this day it’s exactly why whenever I’m dating a guy that says he has a “sister/homie/play cousin” from back in the day that he’s close with, It’s instantly a red flag. I was in high school and during the summer before my junior year while I was finally beginning to feel more like myself after my first serious relationship as a teen ended the first day of the school year I had just left behind. The guy I had been seeing that year promptly called me that September day after eerily avoiding me all day and started the conversation with, “I don’t think this is going to work.” And ended it with, “So I’m going to need my jewelry back.” His lanky Haitian behind looking like Kofi Siriboe before the beard had waited all day to basically say he was a senior and couldn’t be caught dating a sophomore now, so he was going to need his dusty sterling silver Minnie Mouse ring back. So after I threw it at his gang of groupies in the basement gym, I spent a year sulking and stalking him secretly across the basketball court before that July when I met *Hassan.
Hassan was almost 4 years my senior, a corner boy and a high school drop out with a heart of gold. In fact you would’ve thought my parents would have slammed the door in his face but they actually really liked him saying he had “integrity” and reminded them a lot of friends they grew up with. His life could’ve easily been a John Singleton movie. Sure he sold some weed here and there and spent much of his young adult life trying to be a rapper and was always “in the studio”, but he also spent much of his days making sure his younger brothers got to and from school safely, making them lunch and dinner, helping them with homework and sheltering them away from their mother’s battles with drug addiction. Naïve me didn’t even know his mother’s mood swings, outbursts and disappearances were due to addiction until after dating him for about a year. Most importantly he cared a lot about me, always trying to be there waiting on that corner for me every day after school and sneaking my friends and I lunch through the gate when he could.
Unfortunately, being pretty popular in the neighborhood, naturally Hassan came with a small collection of groupies, namely three girls he had grown up with that referred to him as their “big brother” although they weren’t blood related. Have you ever had an acquaintance who you knew was only being super nice and friendly to you because their dislike for you amounted to so much more? That was the middle sister, *Precious, who never hesitated to tell me how cute my hair was or ask where I got my fly outfit from. When Hassan and I gradually grew apart a few years into the relationship and I was about to graduate high school, we decided to mutually end things. And now that I was no longer his girlfriend, Precious had every reason to display the hate and jealousy she held in for so long for the young woman who had stolen the man that would never be her’s anyway. One day as I was walking through the neighborhood with a friend, she passed me with a small girl gang of hers and proceeded to start a fight with me about anything. Seriously, it could’ve been because I jay walked and after passing me she asked, “What you say?” In reality it was nothing and the next thing I knew there were fists and feet in my face and the next day I had a busted lip and a swollen eye. All because of jealousy and a bad case of “woman waiting in the wings” syndrome that she had to blame someone for.
Look, don’t get me wrong. I do believe some men and women can have strictly platonic relationships. But fellas, why do y’all always act like the girl with the glasses and buck teeth that you’ve friend zoned since middle school but still believes the sun rises and falls on your dimples, isn’t checking for you? She takes your mama to church, washes your draws, fixes you plates at Sunday dinners and still you’re looking shocked like Mike Myers next to Kanye West on a “President doesn’t like black people” tangent when you show up with bae that you love and old girl turns into Glenn Close on Fatal Attraction. To this day, every man I have ever met including my husband has always had a few homie/sister/friends, whether it’s the neighbor from down the block or the girl that wants to tutor him in undergrad Art History at 2 AM when I was visiting his dorm for the weekend. And all the men I ever dated have had the exact same reply when I mention “homie/little sister/friend” likes them: “Naw, she don’t like me like that.” Ok, my busted lip and spidey sense for jealousy say otherwise.
So Molly, we’ll see where this little situation ends up, but I hope for now it ended right with that damn day party. Walk away. If it didn’t happen by now, it probably wasn’t meant to be. And Dro, for now, your behind is equally as questionable. And even if wifey Candice is down who’s to say she wants her husband getting it in with the girl she goes way back with?
*Names have been changed to maintain privacy.
Have you ever dated a man with a homie/sister/friend that you just didn’t quite trust?
Toya Sharee is a Health Resource Specialist who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
