I just cannot wrap my mind around why some of my friends ask, “Hey, do you think my boyfriend’s cute?” In fact, I absolutely loathe this question.
What good would it do you to know this information? I ask that with all sincerity. Whether I think a friend’s boyfriend is a ghastly as a hairy butt mole or as heavenly as a chocolate-toned Greek god, what the hell does it matter? If he revs your engine and floats your boat, then that’s it! Why I gotta be dragged into this for?
In one instance, a friend of mine had a man who was – erm – let’s say “aesthetically challenged.” Let me tell you – the last question I wanted her to ask me was, “Do you think he’s attractive?” But in a stroke of bad luck, she was quite inquisitive about how I felt about her boyfriend’s looks. And that was a trap.
If I lied through my teeth, fought back laughter, and said, “Mmmhm. Yeah. He’s cute,” then my friend would have this false impression of snagging a “real looker.” On top of that, she’d erroneously assume that I’d want a piece of something I wouldn’t even touch if it were the last meal on earth.
But if I told the truth and said, “I want to pluck my eyeballs out every time I make the unfortunate decision to look at him,” well, I just don’t see how that could possibly blow over well for our friendship. It’s not my friend’s face, but something tells me she’d be offended if I said, “Girl, he’s just not my type.”
Most recently, I had the opposite happen. A good friend of mine nabbed a gorgeous man who seemed to be sculpted by the artistic hands of Michelangelo himself. But once again, I was shoved into a pickle of a situation when she asked, “So what do you think? Do you think he’s cute?”
Being asked this twice in my life, I have to wonder, what are my friends digging for by inquiring about my personal thoughts on their boyfriends’ appearances? My theory is they must be looking for validation, no? Otherwise, why do you care how “hot” your man is to me? It’s your man – the hell with what other people are thinking. Deep down inside, they must be saying, “Well, if my friend is drooling all over him like a thirst bucket, then I must’ve hit the jackpot!” If you think about it, the more one is desired by others, the more attractive they appear to their significant others.
So what’s one to do as a friend? Should I take one for the team and gush about their man’s attractiveness, even if they may falsely perceive me as envying what they have, just so my girl can get that final stamp of approval she’s looking for? Or should I say, “Um, he’s not my cup of tea” and pray that it rolls off her shoulders so that, one, she doesn’t resent me for my less-than-favorable opinion of her man and, two, she doesn’t allow my two cents to affect her own perception of her boyfriend’s attractiveness.
Really, both scenarios aren’t appealing and could lead to less-than-ideal outcomes, but I’d rather have my friend conclude that I don’t think her boyfriend is “all that and a bag of chips“ than having her side-eye me suspiciously for the rest of my life because she thinks I secretly want her man.
But there is a third answer to this dreaded question and also perhaps the moral of the story: Do not ask me if your boyfriend is attractive! Be confident in whatever you caught in that net of yours. I mean, good grief, what’s next – sending me a d*** pic of your man’s schlong to ask me if it’s big enough? No thanks.
Kimberly Gedeon is a creative content connoisseur and founder of The Melody of Melanin with nearly 2,000 professional articles published online. You can reach out to her Instagram or Twitter and she’ll happily respond. She doesn’t bite!