While sitting at my computer with my coffee this morning (yes, today as in July 1), I begin going through my e-mail and I see one from Salon.com, a newsletter I subscribe to and receive daily. I usually read the headline and delete, but this morning I clicked right away. It read: “The new single womanhood.” …a million thoughts went through my head.
Please don’t let them be writing about sisters, again. If they are writing about sisters, did a sister at least write the article? What if they aren’t talking about us? What if they are talking about women, just women in general? What if they are writing about women, in general, who are defining their single womanhood?
So I read, The new single womanhood, and begin to realize that Rebecca Traister is writing about this crop of young, “urban” single women authors who are documenting the path choose, rather than put up with the life that mom and grandmom had or the life that society expects them to live. The photo with the story is of a bright-eyed lady, laying in the grass and peeking from behind the pages of a book, which presumably, she wrote.
Sitting at lunch yesterday with a couple of female friends, we chatted about family (“I need to call my mama”), our ancestory (“How can I find out exactly where my descendants are from?“) and relationships (“You are glowing, girl.” and “Should I date my ex?”). The older bunch was surprised and impressed to find out that the youngest of us had figured out some truths about dating in NYC that some of us took a little longer to recognize. I’m paraphrasing, but one of us said: “I’m choosing a life that leads me to the most joy. Joy over here, joy over there, and there.” And she said this as she moved her hands around like she was making little compartments.
Reading this Salon.com article, I thought about how media outlets got so into labeling us, black women, as sad, down-trodden, lost for choices when it comes to life and relationships. But basically we were able to see that they just have the fear of a happy black woman.
It struck me that this article, talking about women in general (but not about black women specifically-though it does quickly mention Helena Andrews’ upcoming “Itchbay Is The New Black”), didn’t take the white-women-are-in-trouble-and-are-becoming-defiant-because-they-can’t-find-men stance. This article is like, “hey, check out these single ladies who are empowered and are blazing their own trail.” It points out how as times have changed–and without the help of *blank stare* statistics–the reality of being a solo woman is just as with any life, happy, with ups-and-downs and not void of doom and gloom. But being single and being a woman is not only defined by being with or without a man.
It makes me feel like shouting, as Theresa Lasbrey wrote here: “Do not allow yourself to be ravaged by statistics and media reports. They are not your reality. They’re the reality shaped by predictability and suppression. You do not have to choose that reality.”
Single, solo, married, coupled up, divorced, dating, no life is perfect, but I also think that you have to define what it is going to be for yourself. How are you going to write your story?
