Around the time I started wearing an afro, my mother had a lot to say about it. She wasn’t really crazy about the way I wore my ‘fro. I would often do a twist-out, then run my fingers from my scalp up to create volume. For me, the wilder the look the better the results. Such methods are pretty popular these days as it’s not 1977. What I mean by that is that many of us don’t necessarily want to run picks through our strands to straighten them out and create a massive halo. But that’s the look my mother and father rocked and embraced back in the day. That’s the look my mother prefers to see. While talking about afros, and pointing out the tapered ones of many men in the NBA during our conversation, my mom shared what I felt was a harsh sentiment at the time.
“It’s okay to wear an afro, but my problem with people today is they don’t do anything with it,” she said. “Do something with it! Don’t just prop your hair on your head and go into the world with it napped up. Comb it. Pick it. Style it. Don’t just roll out of the bed and say that’s a style.”
I took her recommendations to “do something with it” as a slight. To me, I thought the best way to rock an afro or a head full of tight curls was to shake it up and let it be. Oh, and to moisturize it. “A twist-out is a style, mom,” I said. “We’re trying to embrace our hair as it is instead of trying to tame it to make other people comfortable.”
“Not wanting to look unkempt is not about making other people feel comfortable,” she said in response. “It’s about making sure you look your best, whatever your hair style.”
I attributed tidying up natural hair with trying to find a way to keep up with Eurocentric beauty standards. That was more than five years ago.
Today, I have a different view, and it’s more in line with my mom than I ever thought possible. I didn’t realize it until I saw the conversations surrounding Halle Berry’s Oscar hair.
For the record, her hair is beautiful. Her curls are bountiful. Her mane looked like a ball of joy. When I shared it on social media, many immediately thought it was a wig. This happened despite the fact that I also shared a direct quote from Halle, who confirmed that those curls belonged to her. I respected her decision to wear them fully and boldly on the Oscars red carpet. I don’t believe that natural hair doesn’t fit formal celebrations. In fact, it stands out most as such fêtes.
However, I could hear my mother’s voice in my ear: “Do something with it!” And if I were a friend traveling with the Oscar winner on that night, I probably would have said something to her about her mane (or you know how we do — tried to quickly touch it up myself).
My gripe with the style was the fact that the curly afro wasn’t an even one. I say that with love because I don’t always get it right with my own hair, and I can’t imagine trying to get it right in front of the world. But it just wasn’t. It was going up a bit too high (and to the side) in the front and it was a little too flat in the back. Therefore, side and front angles, which were the only ones we were getting of the beauty, weren’t flattering. Still, it wasn’t the end of the world. She’s a stunning woman, and with the right primping, that ‘fro is a winner.
A day later, I ran across an article by my faves at BlackGirlLongHair where they questioned why people had an issue with Berry’s hair. They compared her afro to the popular styles of big-haired bloggers and applauded her curls, focusing on those who said her hair was “too big.” Those who commented on the story called out opinions on her hair as attacks and said her mane was healthy and beautiful, haters be damned.
All I could think was: “Tear her down”?
Don’t get me wrong. There were people who were more than mean about Berry’s hair on social media. They covered it in Michael Jordan crying faces, said it looked like a mop, and took it to the next level, which sadly, too many feel is acceptable in this social media age.
But most of what I saw was people saying that it looked like a wig, that it was a bit crooked, and mostly, that it was too big — at the top. I wouldn’t say that I saw anybody tearing down her natural hair, or natural hair in general. We don’t have to ignore glaring missteps in each other’s hairstyling choices just because it’s natural hair, folks. In this case, Berry did something with it, as my mom would say, but it was just a little bit too much.
With that being said, I think we can offer one another suggestions without it being seen as someone encouraging you not to embrace your natural hair. Embrace it! Love it! But in the words of my mother, do something with it. Choosing to even it out, twist it, pick it, roller set it, play with it and tease it to fullness is not the same as trying to fit European beauty standards. It’s just about making sure the hair God originally gave us is presentable, even when it’s big and bountiful.
But at the end of the day, it’s truly about how Berry felt in that moment. As she said, she was happy to “celebrate my natural hair by allowing it to be wild and free.” More power to her, especially since it’s something we rarely get to see from the star and it sends a positive message. But I don’t think it’s a negative message, or an attack, to say that things should be wild and free — to a point.
Images via WENN, Splash
