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I know that most of us do not play when it comes to the contents of our phone. When we hand our cell over to someone to see a picture, we want them to look at that one picture, and then hand the phone right back. It’s not because we necessarily have something incriminating to hide, but rather, it’s because we’re all entitled to our privacy. But is it a different ballgame when you’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone? Is your significant other supposed to be allowed access to your phone passwords or even just to see who you’re talking to and what you’re talking about when you’ve put in major time together?

That’s what a friend of mine believes. She’s been with her boyfriend for almost three years, and they’ve talked about marriage, kids — the whole nine yards. But one thing that seems to bother her is that after all their time together, he’s still “secretive,” as she puts it, when it comes to his phone.

“When he leaves the room he takes his phone with him,” she told me while catching up. “Even when he goes to the bathroom, he takes it with him. I feel like people only do all that when there is something they don’t want you to see.”

According to her, she tells him who she’s messaging, never turns her phone face down when she’s around him, and if he asked, she would let him look through it. She doesn’t have anything to hide, so she isn’t afraid of what he might see, hear or find. It’s nowhere near the same thing in his case.

When she asked him previously why he was weird about his phone, she said that he told her he doesn’t have to show her what’s in his phone because that’s “my business.” He’s also said that if he let her see his phone, she would just go looking for trouble where there is none. It’s something that makes both parties uncomfortable: her because she doesn’t know what he could be hiding, him because he doesn’t like the idea of her digging in his things.

I think whether you’ve been dating for 10 minutes or married for 10 years, you are still entitled to some sliver of privacy in a relationship. Just because she’s willing to be forthcoming with all the information on her phone doesn’t mean he has to be. And just because a couple should be open with one another doesn’t mean that automatically denotes that by year two you get to dig in another party’s drawers, go through their emails, and listen in on their conversations because you believe you’ve earned that right. Plus, seeing their phone may never really end up being enough if you are filled with an overwhelming sneaking suspicion.

However, I will admit that I do find it a bit odd the lengths he goes to keep her away from his phone. Taking it with you to the bathroom when you want to get your scroll on while handling business on the toilet is one thing. However, if your phone has to be near you while you’re in the shower and when you’re doing just about everything else, it is suspicious. A person doesn’t have to give all of their passwords and show all of the pictures, messages and their browsing history, but there is some truth to the idea that if you don’t have anything to hide, you shouldn’t feel the need to be so stealth about it all.

It’s a tricky situation. But as they say, if she really feels unsettled by his desire for such privacy, doesn’t trust his actions, and believes it’s a sign that he’s doing something he’s not supposed to, one can’t help but wonder if it’s really necessary to wait around for proof if she seems so sure he’s living foul…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Is it petty to be upset that her boyfriend won’t grant her access to his phone? Or do you think he’s hiding something? 

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