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As a 20-something, educated Black woman in New York City, I can’t help but chase Black love. Tinder swipes and trading pleasantries on Plenty Of Fish have left me coming up short for quite a while, so when I was introduced to a man who met all the criteria on my marriage checklist, I was overcome with relief.
Besides being 6’5’’ and handsome, he had a house in Long Island, a nice car and a great job as an NYPD officer. He was the ultimate catch. But that was a facade. After about two months of seeing him, he made a move on my friend — the same friend who was dating his friend and also introduced me to him. Then, thanks to a newly acquired caller ID on my cell phone, I found out he lied about his name when he texted me out of the blue one day. Once I entered his real name in a Google search, I not only found the registry for his newborn child, but his fiancee.
I was crushed. The man who could do no wrong in my eyes was a liar and a cheater. He was even low enough to cheat on a pregnant woman. I have to admit that there were some red flags in the beginning, but I was blinded by his “representative:” The charming, hard-working man who complimented my work and would come spend time with me after working 10-hour shifts.
I wasted so much time with men who weren’t equally yoked with me that I couldn’t let this one go.I was infatuated with an imposter. I didn’t bother to check if he had the same intentions because I didn’t want to be devastated by him saying his were different. I just assumed we were on the same page to protect my fragile heart. As a millennial with a bachelor’s degree and two master’s degrees, it is very difficult to find a man who can understand my lifestyle and has things in common with me. This guy seemed to be my savior from the scum.
The dating scene for Generation Y is disappointing, so meeting someone who seems to be living the American Dream and looking for someone to share it with can fill a woman with unknowing false hope. Here are five things I learned from dating a certified creep.
1. If he hasn’t invited you to his home, he has a woman there already.
When you first meet someone, going to their home is definitely not recommended; however, after about a month or two it usually comes up. If it doesn’t, something’s wrong.
This creep would always stall and brush the topic off every time I mentioned it. If he is stalling when it comes to welcoming you to his humble abode, leave him alone.
2. If he only goes on group dates with you and not solo dates, that’s an issue.
This particular scumbag had a fellow creep to hang out with who was courting a friend of mine. I later figured out that it was convenient for him to hang out with all of us at the same time because if he was asked about his whereabouts by his fiancee he could easily say he was with his homie, because he really was. He could leave out all the incriminating details. It began to bother me that when I asked for solo dates he would cancel or just invite other people. But I didn’t want to push away what I thought was my dream guy. If he is not willing to spend quality time with you outside of his car, then you should dip.
3. If he always wants you to drink when you both are together, he’s plotting to take advantage of you.
This guy always bought drinks after I declined and shamed me into drinking them. I loathe alcohol and would prefer wine, but only a glass or two. To not seem rude, I would drink the drinks he bought for me and try to laugh off the inappropriate comments and gestures he would make and chalk it up to a “man being a man.” If he is trying to get you liquored-up at the bar during each date, that’s a problem. There are ulterior motives.
4. If there is no digital presence, then he’s hiding something.
Social media is at the tip of everyone’s thumbs nowadays and most 20- and-30-somethings have at least a Facebook account. When I googled the name this creep gave me, absolutely nothing came up. Not even on Spokeo. I just brushed it off because I figured as a police officer he didn’t want to be easily found on the web, but that wasn’t the case. If you can’t find anything about your newfound beau on the internet, a light bulb should go off.
5. If you find out he kisses and tells, run!
While conversing with my friend after the whole fiasco was over, she brought up that her wolf in sheep’s clothing had been told about intimate nights shared between myself and the creep. She promptly shut him down when he tried to dish with her. If you find out that he has been dishing about your trysts with the bros, he is not who you think he is.
