I mentioned last week that my father is a huge Prince fan and the one who introduced my mother, sister and I to his genius.
So, needless to say, he was deeply affected by his death last week. In my hometown of Indianapolis, Indiana, DJs announced that there would be a celebration of the late artist, downtown, starting at five o’clock. My father starts work at an ungodly hour and was already off by 4 p.m… My mother, on the other hand, owns and operates a daycare and was still at work, waiting for parents to pick up their children. So, while my father called her and told of his plans to attend the celebration, she couldn’t make it. But knowing how much Prince means to my father, she encouraged him to go and have fun.
Sadly, that’s not what happened.
The party, which was supposed to be held at a bar, was actually housed in a tent outside of the venue. This might not have been too terrible if the weather were accommodating. Instead, it was raining…hard. There was no dance floor, the tent was erected over concrete and it too was darkened by the rain.
Needless to say, it was wack and my father was there for only a few minutes before he peeped game and went home.
Later that evening, as he was telling my mother about the epic failure that was the Prince celebration he said, “You know I just wanted to sit and listen to his music, maybe dance a bit.”
My mother’s ears perked up at that last part. Now, I wasn’t in the room, but I imagine the discussion went something like this:
“Dance?…Dance with who?”
“You know, I would ask a woman to dance.”
“You don’t think that’s inappropriate?”
“No, I was there celebrating the work of this artist. It’s almost like a homegoing celebration. It’s ok to dance. A woman would see my wedding ring.”
“A wedding ring doesn’t mean a thing to some people.”
“We would just dance and then say goodbye to one another. “
“I think it’s inappropriate. You never know what someone else’s intentions are.”
A few days later, my parents called my sister and I and ran this scenario past us. Even though my father was the one who presented the story, as my mother said nothing, we agreed with her. Initially, when my dad said dance, I thought he meant by himself. But then the thought of him asking another woman to do so gave me pause.
Partially because what my mother said about not knowing another person’s intentions. But also because in so many situations asking someone to dance is a precursor to other things. And rather than having to shut another woman down, I think it’s best to play it low key, keeping it unmistakably platonic and cordial, when you find yourself out in a social setting without your spouse.
Still, I’m not married and I’m not sure if this is a hard fast rule.
When I told my coworkers this story, one of them mentioned something about a male relative who had taken up salsa dancing. He was attending classes, trying to learn the technique. Naturally, he was dancing, and very closely I might add, with other women. He found he really enjoyed it and invited his wife to take some of them with him. But each time he invited her, she refused, claiming it wasn’t her thing.
That is a bit different. One, he’s in a classroom setting and two, he keeps extending an invitation to his wife and she keeps refusing, when she knows that not only will he be dancing with other women, it’s also something he enjoys doing and she’s choosing not to be a part of it.
Shouldn’t he be well within his rights to enjoy this activity?
To me, it’s a slippery slope.
What do you think, is it inappropriate for married couples to dance with someone who isn’t there spouse, particularly when their partner is not at the same venue.
