Corbis
Finding love out here is hard. The only thing harder? Finding a good job.
So what would you do if you ended up in a romantic relationship with a really great person who just happened to work with you, only to have your job tell you that said relationship goes against their policy, which prohibits dating between co-workers? And to make matters worse, what if they said that in order for you to have your relationship and not have to hide it, one of you would have to leave the company?
My cousin, who is getting married this spring to a guy she’s been dating at her job for some time, found herself in such a tight position. The pair were able to keep their romantic relationship private for some time, but out of nowhere, they were informed that a new policy was being put in place in the next few months at their job, prohibiting co-workers from marrying one another. So, they are rushing to tie the knot before they find themselves in violation of their company’s policy, which would require one of them to leave the job. Thankfully, she loves him and is okay with taking that next step a little sooner than expected.
And then there’s a young woman who asked for advice online. She grew close to a co-worker, enjoying his company, going to the movies and out to eat with him, only to read in the company policy book that those who decide to enter into a relationship with one another at her place of work would have three months to report it to their supervisor–and then one of the individuals would have to leave the business.
And even my sister and her husband, who met while working at the same accounting firm (and he was a partner), were told later that she couldn’t return to the specific branch she had been at, marriage or not, because the company didn’t want there to be any issues that took attention away from the point of their employment: to do their jobs–not fall in love.
So yes, it’s a complicated situation indeed when two parties just so happen to fall in love in the workplace. Or even just “like.” The desire for employers to avoid in-office conflict is real.
My mother recently told me that the former husband of her best friend and former co-worker, Valencia*, was actually seeing another co-worker before he started to pursue her. They kept their situation private–or so they thought. The other co-worker caught wind of the fact that the guy began dating Valencia and seemed to take her seriously, and the woman actually tried to kill herself on the job.
You read that right.
And to make matters worse, even though Valencia and the guy did get married, the marriage didn’t work out as planned, so Valencia tried to divorce him and do so quietly. However, the company found out about it, and she ended up leaving their shared place of employment. What a mess.
So you could see, just through those examples alone, why dating a co-worker is often frowned upon by employers, especially when that co-worker is a subordinate, and why it’s stressful for employees. But what is one to do when they really feel like they’re in love, but don’t want to lose their job or even get in trouble? Every company has different policies and procedures for these situations, and most aren’t deemed illegal. So, if you found yourself in a similar situation, what would you do? Or is this a reason you choose to avoid getting close with a co-worker altogether? And what is your company’s policy when it comes to romantic relationships between employees?
