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Being in my twenties, I still find myself looking to climb the career ladder and continue to search for a life that satisfies my needs and desires. It’s an ongoing journey. I’m also still in that phase where I like to catch a few happy hours a week, mingle with the social scene and spend an infinite amount of time with my girls. But the heat is on as well. The race to find stability, to start thinking about settling down, and to figure out what my life will look like after 30. I do want marriage, and I do want children, but for me to be happy with these things, I need to be self-sufficient and stable enough to stand alone.
So when I started dating an older man, things were great. He held his own, and he could understand the need for me to have my own and hold my own as well. However, there was this strong need from him to want to take care of me no matter where I found myself career-wise. He didn’t care if I was unemployed, he didn’t care if I was making minimum wage, he didn’t care if I just wanted to stay at home. After a while, he wanted me to know that he could take care of me. You might be thinking, girl, what’s wrong with that and you? Don’t get me wrong, if I didn’t have goals, I’d jump at the idea, but I just wouldn’t feel good about myself if I brought nothing or very little to the table in my relationship.
I soon learned that I was dating a different type of guy and age made all the difference in this case. There isn’t much beating around the bush for a man who has seen it all and is ready to settle down. For most men, making a commitment becomes a priority when he has his “house in order” so to speak, and as someone just coming out of the single’s social and fling scene, it’s been quite an adjustment. I don’t feel rushed or anything, but I do feel a bit of pressure to really get myself together. I’ve learned a lot in this relationship that’s given me insight on what it can really be like to date an older (and actually mature) man.
He’s More Experienced At Life
I mean, I’m in my late 20s, and I’ve had a few experiences of my own, but obviously he’s experienced a lot more. He’s a storyteller, and I can listen for hours to him talk about his career, the things he’s knowledgeable about, and he has a lot of advice to offer. He’s let me into his life and taught me some things.
He’s Not The Partying Type
As cliché as this sounds, and believe me, I hate it, it’s like Big and Carrie after they got married and Carrie still had her spunky edge, but Big was a classic movie in black and white in a dimly-lit room with a cigar and a newspaper kind of guy. My boyfriend prefers staying in, ordering Chinese food and talking. I, on the other hand, am a bit of a firecracker. I’m always on the go. I always want to be somewhere, and his homebody personality balances us out.
He’s Emotionally Secure
He’s dated his fair share of women. He’s dealt with all types of people and because of that, he doesn’t get jealous or insecure about my male friends, and my single friends do not threaten him. He doesn’t hesitate to introduce me to his family and friends as his significant other. He makes me an important part of his life and isn’t ashamed or afraid to publicly and constantly remind me of his love for me. He’s an old-school romantic.
He’s Set in His Ways
What you see is literally what you get. If he wasn’t a particular type of guy before I met him, I can’t expect to possess some magical skill to make him something different. This tends to be one of the more challenging aspects of relationships, but more so when there’s a large age gap involved. The ideal would be for the both of us to be bendable to meet each other’s needs, though, and that is something that will have to be constantly discussed.
He’s Unafraid of Commitment
Generally, it takes someone a few months to decide whether the person they’re interested in is worthy of commitment. This decision becomes easy when the person is secure in themselves. With dating an older guy, at least in my case, the commitment tends to come quickly and without hesitation. The question you have to ask yourself is if you’re ready for that.
Just like any relationship, there are the ups and downs mainly pertaining to conflicts with the timeline I have for myself when he wants children right away while I’m still trying to get a career with a stellar benefits package. But it’s definitely a rewarding feeling and quite a journey being with someone who’s so sure of you, who’s supportive and affectionate, and stable in their lifestyle. I’m learning something new every day with him and hopeful that we’ll continue to grow–in our individual lives and together.
