#RelationshipGoals: Why Is It When You Decide To Focus On Yourself Men Want You More?

March 7, 2016  |  



In case you haven’t noticed, my love life is and has been a series of unfortunate events. You’ve totally noticed. Focus on yourself Danielle. That’s what I hear from all of my friends who are sick of me complaining about men.

So I’ve been doing what any person who’s had some terrible dating experiences does—getting my Julia Roberts on and eating, praying and loving—well not really.

I’m still here in America, working, paying bills and such, but I have taken time to pray, to eat—but mostly the types of things that Gwyneth Paltrow eats. I’ve been going to the gym, meditating and focusing in on what I want out of life and love.

I was only a few weeks in to my personal quest to find myself while on the treadmill at the gym. I was 15 minutes in and clearly ready to get off—fully huffing and puffing, sweat dripping and music blasting in my ears.

One of the gym’s trainer walked up to my machine and stood in front of me as I huffed and puffed. He smiled and mouthed something. I took out my headphones, about to tell him I’m not interested in training and he reached out his hand.

“I’m DJ,” he said as he took my hand in his. Expectedly, it was strong and in control.

“Danielle,” I said as politely as possible as DJ was interrupting my workout.

“The pleasure is mine,” DJ said still holding my sweaty hand.

I slipped my hand from his grasp.

DJ proceeded to talk to me about my fitness goals and at the end of his sales pitch, he offered me a free training session. I decided to take him up on the offer. It perfectly fit into my new focus on me, so I signed up.

DJ emailed me to set up the session. I replied, “Thanks! See you Saturday!”

On Friday, I slipped down the stairs and sprained my ankle. My doctor told me to rest it and elevate it and said it would take at least six weeks to fully heal. I emailed DJ to let him know I had to stay off my ankle for the next month and a half and I’d just have to see him after that.

DJ’s immediate response was concern and then he told me that he was bummed because he not only wanted to train me, but he was interested in me also.

We started messaging each other back and forth.

Me: So that’s how you get ‘em, huh? You bait and hook them with training and then you go in for the kill?

Him: Haha! No, I don’t have to be sleazy to get a girl. I approached you to train you because that’s just what I do. I approached you in general because you’re hot. So hot. I couldn’t help it. Either way, I wanted to have you in some way.

Me: Pouring it on a little thick, huh?

Him: Pouring it on a lot honest is what I’m doing.

Slowly, DJ and I started flirting everyday. Every morning, he’d text me soon after he’d trained his first client, “Good morning beautiful.” And throughout the day we’d check in, flirting harder with each passing text.

Me: So is this business or pleasure?

Him: I’m hoping it’s both.

I had to remind myself that I was using time to find myself and center myself and I couldn’t inject yet another man with bad intentions into my life. DJ’s intentions seemed as if they were good, but I always thought that with every dude who showed me attention. So what made him different?

Me: Maybe we should focus on the business.

Him: We’ll see. You’re going to be mine.

Me: Ha! We’ll see.

DJ continued to message me everyday, checking in on my ankle, counting down the days until I was back in the gym again.

I’d gone back to the doctor and was told it was time to make lifestyle changes or I’d be facing some serious health concerns and I told DJ.

Him: What?! I’m your trainer, that’s it. I want you to be here. I haven’t even had the chance to date you yet.

Me: LOL! I’m not dying. I just need to get this health together.

Him: Exactly. That’s why I’m here. As soon as your ankle is better, you’re back in the gym with me. Every week.

Me: Sir, yes sir.

Him: One way or the other, you’re going to be mine. We’re being brought together. LOL!

Believing the things that men have said to me has gotten me here. I am in a space where I am having a hard time trusting men and trusting myself with them. I took everything DJ said to me with a grain of salt. But I really did want to believe him, but my hiatus told me I couldn’t.

Me: Suuuuuure.

After the six weeks of healing time for my ankle, I was back in the gym, ready to reverse any bad health issues that were forming in my body.

Me: I’m coming to the gym today.

Him: *heart eyes emoji* I’ll believe it when I see your pretty face.

Me: *rolling eyes emoji*

When I got to the gym, DJ was at the front desk talking with a coworker, he froze and his smile stretched wide. “Danielle,” he said walking over to me.

“Hey DJ!” I was way too excited.

He grabbed my hand, “It’s wonderful to see you.”

“It’s wonderful to be seen,” I swore I felt a spark between our palms.

“Let’s do this thing,” He pulled my hand.

“Do what?” I asked playfully.

“Everything, I hope,” DJ didn’t stop smiling from the moment I walked into the gym.

We worked out together for 45 minutes. The introductory session was only supposed to be 30 minutes long. With each exercise DJ gave me, he smiled as I executed them.

“Look at you. You’re a natural,” He said as I did Russian twists.

I groaned, “Hush!”

He laughed, “OK, let’s stretch.”

I laid down and DJ said under his breath, “I’m enjoying this way too much.”

“Are you being unprofessional DJ?” I asked staring up at him pushing my right leg farther back with his body weight.

I was so turned on and ready to pounce that man. The tension felt like a weight on my chest. I breathed through the stretch and tried to exhale my sexual desires for him.

The session was over and DJ pulled me up from the ground without even trying. The momentum thrust me into his meaty arms. There was most definitely a spark living in between our touch. I backed away laughing.

“Same time next week?” I asked.

“Indeed. My next client is here, so I’ll see you then. Good work D!” He gave me a high five and held my hand and squeezed it.

I decided I’d go back to the gym the next day. I messaged DJ.

Me: That was a great workout. Thank you! I think I’m coming back again today.

Him: Now you’re spoiling me. My sessions are full, but I’ll be here.

When I got to the gym, DJ was actually working out himself. He wasn’t in his trainer T-shirt and sweatpants. He was wearing a wifebeater and shorts.

His arms pulsated as he did several sets of pull-ups. Between sets, I watched him jog around the gym.

“Look at you!” I said when he hopped down off the pull-up bar.

“I’d rather look at you,” He gave me a sweaty hug. “You glow,” he smiled.

“I don’t want to interrupt your workout. Enjoy. I’ll be here,” I know he watched me walk away.

During my workout, he’d finished his and was back on the floor, ready for his next session. It was a girl with a big booty and small waist. I kept my eyes on them and just when jealousy wanted to seep in, DJ craned his neck to check for me. We locked eyes and he winked and nodded his head.

Once I finished on the treadmill, I watched DJ as he watched me, stretching. At one point, he blew a kiss.

My workout was over and he was still training the girl who looked like she was auditioning for a spot in King magazine. I stuck my tongue out to him on my way out.

DJ smiled and saluted me. When I got home, I had a message from him.

Him: I loved every minute of watching you work out today. You’re my dream come true.

I had no idea what to respond to DJ. He’s been giving me all the right things, but while I’m in the middle of eating, praying and loving, I don’t think getting caught up in a love affair is the smartest things to do.

Maybe I’ll just keep DJ close (as he’s my trainer), but at a distance so that we can continue to get to know each other without strings and just see what happens from there? Just because I’m taking a mental and emotional health break from men doesn’t mean that I have to completely push them away form me—does it?

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