Shutterstock
Reader Submission By Kenya Jael
Dating in the millennial age comes with a unique set of challenges thanks, as we all know, to social media. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter make it ten times more difficult to get over your ex, which is why this is the repeated discussion my girlfriends and I have on nights we are in our feelings about the latest Facebook post that’s made our heart drop.
“Girl, do not let him get to you!”
“You know he only posted that pic to make you mad”
“Let’s go out tonight so I can take some pics and look hot, because I have the perfect caption!”
Often this is how the conversation would go between my friends and I when I was going through a break up, until now. My feelings and view of this type of banter changed when I was venting to my friend about my ex and how he was “sliding in my DM’s” trying to see how I was doing. She responded with, “Girl, he does not deserve a window seat into your life! Ignore him and delete him from your friends!” Sometimes you hear things and it just makes sense; you have that unforgettable “Ah-ha moment” and it all comes together. This was mine, and I realized all this time that is exactly what I had been giving my ex: A window seat view into my life.
By continuing to be friends with my ex on social media, I was allowing him to still have a clear view of how I was doing, what I was doing, where I was going, when I was doing good and when I was not doing so good. He was able to take pleasure in my ups and downs as if he was still a part of my life. So I deleted him from all of my pages, and although I initially found myself occasionally searching for him and lurking on his page, I eventually got over it and he became a distant memory.
The window seat leaves an open door for your ex to weasel back into your life. It leaves the idea of a “possibility,” and although we may only remain friends with our exes on social media to make them see we are living life better without them, we are secretly telling them it’s okay to inbox us and reminiscence about our past relationship. A trip down memory lane can lead you finding your way back to something that is familiar, convenient and no longer good for you: your ex.
Not only are we leaving the back door open, we are also telling the ex that we are still holding on to a piece of them. We all creep on an ex’s page from time to time and the ex knows it. It’s a never-ending cycle, and although we may not care about the ex anymore, remaining friends allows the assumption that we still do care what is going on in their lives. We begin to believe they are sending subliminal messages to us through posts, making ourselves feel like we are still that important in their lives.
It can also place issues within your current relationship (if you are in one). So many issues arise from liking and commenting on an ex’s post or picture when you have supposedly moved on. Social media has created an illusion of options people feel they have when it comes to dating. Remaining friends with an ex on social media can make it easier for you to fall back in the arms of an ex when you are having problems in your current relationship. It’s like your ex will slide in your inbox as soon as it appears you are having problems in your relationship — how convenient.
Millennial dating is nontraditional, and unfortunately social media plays a huge part in the dating world now. It is important for us to remember that in order to move on we must leave the past in the past. Exes are good for one thing only: lessons. Therefore we must take what we have learned, bottle it up, and store it in the back of our minds to apply it to our next situation. If you were to ask me should you be friends with an ex on social media, my answer would be, only if your heart can take it.
Kenya Jael is a Registered Nurse, mother and writer from Baltimore, MD. She graduated from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro in 2009 on a mission to pursue a career in healthcare as a Registered Nurse. Although she loves nursing and finds great pleasure in it, writing is her true passion and purpose in life. She’s blessed to have discovered this and well as the courage to make her dreams a reality as a writer and blogger. Her motto is “Live in your truth.”
