#RelationshipGoals: My Boyfriend Randomly Moved Away And Didn’t Tell Me

January 18, 2016  |  




Could you rekindle a relationship with someone you spent two years away from?

Remember that man I approached all on my own? I thoroughly believe in the art of approaching a man. I have no shortage of experiences being approached, but sometimes I like to be the aggressor and I let my flirty nature take over. Now, it hasn’t always gotten me a man, but it’s always gotten me somewhere.

Jayson and I were going strong. Months had passed by since that night he asked me to be his girlfriend. And while there were plenty of blissful days, I wouldn’t say our relationship was without disappointments and frustrations.

Like that one time Jayson wanted to introduce me to his friends so he told me about his homeboy Grip’s Brooklyn BBQ. Summertime is perfect for BBQ’s. While most singles are wearing little to nothing looking to get chose, I already had my man and he was bringing me to a BBQ. I was delighted. In so many words, I heard Jayson saying to me, “I have what I want.”

We were on the FDR, headed to his house after date night. We’d gone to Little Italy, ate pasta, tip-toed down the cobblestone streets and kissed under the streetlights. In the car, we were holding hands and I was babbling about how I’d wish Nicki Minaj wouldn’t rely on her sexy to make music and he laughed.

“I was thinking, I want you to meet my friends babe,” he said.

I had never met the friends of anyone I’ve dated. I have had people I’ve dated meet my friends, but the offer was never reciprocated. So Jayson’s offer made me feel important, not only to him, but to myself. I was somebody’s somebody. And that somebody wanted me to meet the people in his life!

I calmed my excitement before I responded, “Of course sweets. When?”

“This weekend. Grip is having a BBQ and I want you to come with me,” he squeezed my thigh.

“You’re bringing sand to the beach,” I joked.

“My sand,” Jayson’s fingers inched closer to my inner thigh.

It was the day of the BBQ and I had my outfit picked out, I’d gone to get a pedicure and manicure (I didn’t want Jayson’s friends to have any reason to judge him based on me) and basically anything else anyone would do for prom. But this wasn’t preparation for a high school right of passage. This was my boyfriend inserting me into his life–a much more necessary thing to prepare for.

Jayson told me he was coming to pick me up at 3pm. The BBQ was one of those all night long parties that started at 1pm. 3pm came and went. By 4pm, I was antsy. I called. No answer. I texted. No response. By 6:15, I was nervous and crying on the phone to my girlfriend about Jayson’s vanishing.

“Maybe he got into a car accident?” My friend offered.

“Why would you say that?” I cried.

“I’m just trying to help Danielle. Maybe you should call hospitals and see? He has no reason to stand you up.” She was right.

I called a few hospitals looking for Jayson in between reaching out to him. Saturday was gone. And after that, so many Saturdays just like that passed by. No Jayson. I even took it so far as to show up at his job, inquiring about him. I was told by one of his coworkers that Jayson had moved to South Carolina.

Wait, what? Moved?!

South Carolina. I remembered conversations Jayson and I had about his children. He wanted to be a bigger part of their lives, but their mother moved to South Carolina and kept the kids away from him and he only got them on holidays, at her discretion, which wasn’t often. I tried to offer him helpful solutions around being able to see his children, but nothing ever seemed good enough, so he would often change the subject.

Jayson moved to South Carolina without telling me, without warning me, without even acknowledging me. We were only dating, but didn’t he owe me as much?

Before I knew it, two years had passed and, thankfully, so did my feelings for Jayson.

A month ago, Jayson called me, apologized for just leaving me high and dry and told me that he always had a special place in his heart for me.

“But where did you go?” I asked him, genuinely curious about his disappearing act.

“There were a lot of bad things going on with my family and I had to move away, right away,” I listened intently, knowing he was telling the truth, but also knowing that it just wasn’t enough for me.

Jayson continued, “I just came back and you’ve always been on my mind. I was just hesitant to call you because I didn’t know if you would accept my apology. Days just kept going by and I was…scared,” Jayson sighed, “I want you back,” he confessed.

Feelings started rushing back into my heart, I felt the heat rise in my cheeks and I could hear my heart thump. I can’t lie; I wanted to see what we could rekindle. Our bond was special, but I couldn’t get past that two years that Jayson left me hanging with no explanation.

“You were on my mind almost everyday Danielle. I promise you that I cannot shake you. I tried because I knew that with my family issues, I didn’t have time to worry about a relationship. But you never left me,” Jayson confessed as if his survival depended on my forgiveness.

“So what are you saying, Jayson?” I tried to be a lot harsher than what I was actually feeling. I wanted to be strong and not let Jayson know that I was willing to try again. He can’t just come back after two years and expect us to pick up where we left off. Or can he?

What would you do if you dated someone who left for two years and came back claiming to want to start fresh? Could you?

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