For the average person, sexting is the go-to when your partner is not at arm’s length. It can help increase intimacy and even allow you to become more comfortable with your own sexuality. However, like all good things, sexting can become addictive. In a report about how the erotic pastime can control a person’s life, Broadly followed a nursing student named Sarah who has sexted hundreds of men. She even revealed that there were weekends where she didn’t leave the house because she spent the entire time masturbating.
Sarah started to sext boys ten years ago, while she was still in high school. She told Broadly, “I was the fat girl at school so I kept to myself a lot. It gave me an outlet for sexual feelings that I wouldn’t have got in real life.” Despite her teenage hang-ups, Sarah began college and even entered a long-term relationship with a woman. Although her life appeared seemingly normal, Sarah still found herself sexting men every night using the app, Kik. When she spoke about the possibility of breaking her addiction, Sarah said the mere thought of it makes her “stressed out.” She revealed, “A lot of my chats are playing out that fantasy of being with a man. There have been times when I’ve tried to stop, but it has never worked.”
Although the idea of no longer sexting gives Sarah anxiety, the media contact for Sex Addicts Anonymous namedtold Broadly, online sex addictions can make people lose their jobs, flunk out of their academic programs and find themselves in debt. He also noted many sex addicts hardly invest in real-life romantic relationships because their sexting relationships engulf them.
Paula Hall, a psychotherapist who treats sex addicts, disclosed that compulsive sexting is a disorder. Although some may think it’s performed in order to reach sexual satisfaction, the person is more inclined to sext because they enjoy the “seeking and searching for a partner,” not necessarily the sexual enjoyment. Hall told Broadly, “Lots of sex addicts don’t actually have sex. I work with people who are messaging and going on webcam—they don’t actually meet up because they get enough excitement from all of that.” Hall also claimed many women begin their sexting addictions with the intention to protect themselves. She explained, “They’re less likely to have stranger-sex than men because it has more dangers for them; generally [women] have less physical strength than men, risk unwanted pregnancy, and are more likely to get judged for it.”
In addition, women may begin sexting in order to affirm themselves. For example, a 40-year-old woman named Tara had her engagement dissolved because her fiancé caught her sexting with another man. She promised she wouldn’t do it again, but he caught her three more times and told her to leave their home. Tara sought help for her behavior and her counselor told her the addiction was based on self-esteem issues. “He didn’t think I was addicted to sexting so much as it was a self-esteem issue. He said I really wanted the validation that I was attractive.”
Hall concluded that sexting has become dangerous because people are seeking to be validated with a high level of urgency. So urgent, there are sexting addicts who spend at least eight hours a day on their phone, indulging in their addictive behavior while still appearing to lead normal lives. Unfortunately, the addiction can further break down how they communicate with real-life romantic partners and affect their work ethic. Of the latter, social worker Robert Weiss told Broadly, “If this is the primary way they get their emotional and sexual needs met, then they’re missing the thing that really feeds us: to be appreciated and valued for who we are and not just what we look like.”
