Is This Petty? I Want To Dump The Guy I Just Started Dating Because He Has Herpes

November 20, 2015  |  

You meet a guy while out and about with friends. He’s handsome, witty, has a pretty good job and knows how to carry on a stimulating conversation. You give him your number and soon after, you go on a few dates. You both have great chemistry, and you like where things are headed. But after a few great dates, he hits you with some startling information that he felt was important to divulge before moving forward. He’s got herpes.

Where do you go from there?

That’s what one woman who reached out to us is trying to figure out after being told by a guy she was really interested in that he contracted herpes in college. Type II herpes entered his life (and body) when he was reckless and enjoying his freedom a little too much as a student. But he’s been out of college for more than a decade now.

He didn’t feel it was something he needed to tell Kylie on their first or second date, but as it became apparent that they both liked each other a lot, he wanted to be straightforward. The woman, who we’ll refer to as Kylie, would like to give this guy a chance, but at the same time, she wants to stay healthy. A reasonable concern. I mean, herpes is for life.

But genital herpes, despite how scary the name sounds, is more common than you think. According to the CDC, one out of every six people ages 14 to 49 have genital herpes. Thankfully, Kylie’s prospective boo was forthcoming with his STD information.

And it’s not the end of the world–or a thrilling sex life. While there’s no 100 percent surefire way to ensure that genital herpes isn’t spread, there are antiviral drugs that help treat it, and consistent use of condoms and barriers of protection can significantly reduce Kylie’s chances of getting genital herpes. Plus, if he has an outbreak, that’s the sign that folks would need to avoid sexual activity until it’s treated and everything is in the free and clear.

But enough of sex ed. What should Kylie do?

They’ve only been on a few dates. So if Kylie truly doesn’t feel comfortable dealing with the possible risks of dating a man with herpes, she has the right to exit stage left. But mistakes he made years ago shouldn’t keep this guy from having a fulfilling relationship and flourishing sex life with someone. Again, that was awesome that he chose to be open and honest about his situation way before a conversation about sex even came about. And if she really liked what he was bringing to the table before he told her, it would suck to throw all that out of the window.

They both could work together to prevent his outbreaks and limit Kylie’s chances of contracting the STD. As long as his outbreaks aren’t out of control, and he’s not jumping from bed to bed, it may not be necessary to count him out so soon.

Then again, if Kylie goes into things naively and doesn’t take care of herself, the relationship may not last, but the herpes? Oh, they would last forever…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Is it petty to end things with a person because they told you they have herpes? 


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