Is This Petty? My Husband Doesn’t Trust Me Around My Daughter’s Father

September 4, 2015  |  

You would think that will all the stories of co-parents quarreling, two people making peace and doing what’s in the best interest of their kids would be applauded. Hell, at least just smiled upon.

Sadly, that’s not always the case.

One of my colleagues was sharing a story with me about a cousin going through quite the complicated situation. According to her, the cousin, who we’ll call Kristin, hasn’t always had the best relationship with the father of her daughter. In fact, they did childish things to hurt each other in the past, which subsequently hurt their child. But with time and maturity, they decided to work together to move over that hump. While they’re not necessarily friends, they finally have a good rapport. They have moved on. Especially Kristin. A few years after ending things with her ex, she married a guy we will refer to as Will. They have two kids together, and according to my colleague, they appear to get along okay. Except for the fact that Will can be a little insecure. Or very insecure actually.

Kristin’s ex was in a bad car wreck recently. Despite what they had gone through way back when, he is the father of Kristin’s daughter, who is 15, and she was worried about his well-being. Her daughter informed her of the accident, and, thinking nothing of it, Kristin hopped in her car and drove to the hospital he was in. She was there to not only support her daughter but also to be there for her ex. Thankfully, he only sustained a few broken bones and bruises. Kristin was relieved. Her husband Will? Not so much.

When Kristin called to tell him where she was and what had happened, Will’s tone wasn’t positive. When she returned home later that evening, Kristin’s daughter still at the hospital with her father’s family, Will started an argument. He told Kristin that she should have let him know beforehand that she wanted to check on her ex so that they could go together. The fact that she went on without him and without telling him was fishy.

As it turns out, Will and Kristin have been having issues over her relationship with her ex for some time. It all started when the co-parents decided to try and be civil a few years back. When Will was at work, one morning after dropping their daughter off, Kristin’s ex was invited, by her, into the home she shares with Will. She invited him so they could talk about child support issues and how they would go about making their co-parenting experience a more positive one. Later in the day, when Will found out that her ex was in his home (because she filled him in on the goings on of her day), he was pissed. Will made it clear that he did not approve of Kristin meeting with her ex without him knowing, and of her choice to invite him into their home when he wasn’t there. Had she invited a girlfriend over, it probably would have been fine. But because her ex had been in their home, Will told her that he didn’t want him coming over when he’s not present. Doesn’t matter if they’re in the front yard or standing at the curb conversing. Not only that, Will told her he wanted to be present for future conversations they had needed to have in person. Therefore, her visit to the hospital reopened a messy can of worms.

These issues pertaining to Kristin’s ex have made things tense in their home, and her extended family can feel it. And while Kristin was hoping she would have the support of most of those family members, that hasn’t been the case. Some have been on Will’s side. When talking to her uncle about Kristin’s situation, my colleague said that his reply was, “But why is she trying to see him when Will is not around?”

It’s crazy how some people operate. When Kristin couldn’t get along with her ex, Will was there to support her. But now that she’s trying to be a bigger and better person, and they are getting along, Will isn’t happy. Will may have had a point when it comes to the fact that Kristin allowed her ex to enter their home when he wasn’t around. I get that it’s not a good look. And while I don’t think that’s a sign that they’re trying to rekindle some fire, I understand that out of respect, you should probably let your partner in on what you plan to do and with whom, in the home you share. But when it comes to Kristin visiting her ailing ex, Will is overreacting. These two have a child together, and a past. Just because one moves on doesn’t mean they lose all care for those they went through major things with. And as the mother of the child they share, it was best that she went to the hospital to stand beside her daughter and show her support for that young girl’s father. So while Kristin may need to do a better job of communicating with her husband, Will needs to do a better job of being a secure man…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. Who do you think is petty in this situation? 


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