The most important thing to remember when your adult children are doing things you aren’t fond of, is that you are not perfect either. You aren’t perfect and your kids aren’t perfect and that’s ok. It’s a part of life to have “setbacks” and “mistakes” and sometimes those predicaments lead to really awesome situations or outcomes.
And the worse thing you can do as a parent is come down on yourself too hard for all of the “imperfections” you see in your children. Some of those influences may be from you or their environment growing up and some may just be from life experiences and their individual personalities.
If you are faced with a situation where adult children won’t leave home, show a lack of responsibility, or aren’t working, then it’s time to bring on some new rules.
Rule 1
If they are living with you and aren’t paying any bills then have a family meeting and let them know that they have to contribute in some way even if it’s just the cable bill. Add a fair deadline to that, especially if you know that they aren’t working. You can tell them that they have three months to start paying it or you will allow it to get cut off. It may help with motivation because they probably have their favorite shows that come on. The point here is to start incorporating responsibility in small steps.
Rule 2
Since they are already staying for free, then let them know the stipulation is that they have to attend a free class with you once a month. You can look up local listings or entrepreneurial related things or classes on building your finances or even a real estate career class.
Rule 3
Although they are not your little eight-year-old anymore, they should still have to respect the household and keep things in order. Let them know that you expect them to help on certain days with the trash or dishes and that even if you don’t care how they keep their room, you don’t want it spilling out into the rest of the house.
Rule 4
Creating a move out plan is the next step. Sit with them if they need help or let them do it on their own in a word doc. It should include a to do list and a frame of time for each little goal. You can let them know that they will always have a place to lay their head but you just want to make sure as a concerned parent that they are on the right track.
Rule 5
Whatever you do, don’t give your non-working, unmotivated adult child living at home any extra money for leisure things. If they know they can go to the movies or dinner with friends on your dime, then there is no need to get on their feet. They have to learn that if they want to do things like taking vacations or buying new clothes they have to find a way to produce income and work for it.
