Second Time Around: There’s Nothing More Persistent Than A Married Man…

The concept of live tweeting through pop culture phenomena was made for creative people such as myself. The masses opining, giving insight, sharing their stories, etc. are the kind of inspiration that fuels my creativity. There is no muse that inspires me more than reality television on Monday nights… especially Love and Hip Hop (every city).

To catch you up to speed,this past Monday Chink had finally come to the realization that Chrissy Monroe makes him happy and he is practically willing to do whatever it takes to keep her in his life. How sweet and endearing. However, he is still married-but separated-from his wife and the mother of his children. When Chink had driven Chrissy from New York to Washington DC to meet his father someone tweeted:

“No one is more persistent than a married man.”

I had to think about this for a moment. I connected the dots to many of the popular shows that we live tweet through and the common thread is that at some point there is a married man who is pursuing a single woman with aplomb that no one else stands a chance. Scandal? Fitz was willing to give up the Presidency and start a war over Olivia. Being Mary Jane? Andre gave Mary Jane an engagement ring and he was still married. To some extent, Lucious Lyon, Anika, and Cookie in Empire, as well; but that’s a little different. The common thread in all of these shows is that the woman who falls for the married man is all but tricked into it and they have never been married.

I personally know a few single ladies who have found themselves in a similar situation. They thought they were building something and began to fall in love with someone just to find out they were either betrothed, said “I do,” or even have a happy family waiting for them at home. I also know some women who knew this up front the man, but go along with it anyway.

I don’t know-or can think of-anyone who is married who can say the same. To see if my theory was correct, I asked a few of my married friends had this ever happened to them and if they can tell. The answer was “no” to the former and “yes” to the latter. My good friend who is divorced and met someone while they were separated told me that towards the beginning they had talked about it, but she could tell. She said “He seemed like he had been molded already…He knew what he was doing.” That made perfect sense to me.

Here’s why:

They do know what they’re doing. There is an advantage because you’ve successfully courted someone. Even if the marriage isn’t the greatest, the happiest, or even the man could be divorced or widowed…They-we-ultimately have the cheat code to a game that a single woman is still trying to figure out. A man could have done all of the wrong things during the dating period, but one learns from their mistakes and is able to see them beforehand.

Why can they wait around and play the game? Because they have the time. There is already a woman with the number one spot so if someone wants to be friends and see where things go? Fine. I’m not saying this is right; I’m just throwing it out there for those who do have questions.

Why? Any man that has gotten someone to want to spend the rest of their lives with them knows how important the little things are.

The being attentive, the listening, paying such close attention to the smallest little details it’s as if she can say “He read the book on me.” It lets the guard down in a way that one isn’t used to.

My formerly married friends tend to see things differently.

The second time around comes with knowing one’s self much better. One said “I know better who I am in a relationship. What I will and won’t deal with.” And when someone is being attentive in the manner that works best for them she said “[It’s] like yes you’re doing it right! Phew! I can do this.”

I say all of this because there is a premium on attentiveness. To a novice, being attentive is enough. Acting on being observant is a large part of having a fruitful and lasting relationship.

Taking it back to what originally inspired me to write this: Chink knew the whole time that Chrissy wanted to meet his father because his approval would have cemented their relationship. After all of the drama, he simply did it when she least expected it. As much as Chrissy said she was done throughout the season she was all his after that.

PS: Men like that same kind of attentiveness, too. They just won’t admit it.