Single, Dating or Married: How to Turn On Your Juicy, Feminine Love Magnet!

May 12, 2013  |  

“What an honor and blessing to inhabit the flesh form as a female on this planet at this time.” -Iyanla Vanzant

The premise of hailing a NYC cab is easy. In the movies folks throw up a hand and the taxis stop. In real life, however, cabs pass by because we’re the “wrong” color or headed to the “wrong” neighborhood. It gets worse if we can’t tell whether the cab is even available.

It’s like in relationships; we sometimes can’t tell whether we’re really available much less another person. Our bad experiences of the last “cab” have us stuck in old muck. It makes it simpler to know that when the center light is lit, the yellow cab is ready, willing and available. When the “Off Duty” sign is on they won’t stop no matter what. In certain areas, we need to go where the cabs are.

Are you the cab or the person flagging it down? When you are a woman in love with her life and herself, you have the choice of being either. You are a magnet for your desires. You just need to turn that magnet on.

What is Magnetism?

Ladies, this is just us so we can talk real talk, right? We know when we encounter a woman who feels like a powerful and attractive magnet. We’re drawn to her energy — and so are the objects of her affection. We also know what it feels like to be in the presence of a woman whose “taxi light” is off. You either can’t get away from her fast enough if you are a radiant, high energy person or you are partners in misery with her if you’re vibrating at a low energy level yourself.

(Read: When the Angry Black Woman is You.)

There are times when we all experience what I call a “Dry Life Crisis,” but a juicy, turned on woman is irresistible. There’s no denying the magic of the sacred feminine. We cycle in 28-days just like the ocean. Our bodies give birth. UVA professor Thomas Skalak has done scientific studies on the healing power of natural magnets and others have even found that a magnet may soothe the symptoms of menopause for older women. You’re a part of nature’s magic. If you don’t respect that, who will?

Last lesson we talked about “The Goddess in Love: Feminine Power 101. Here’s how to access your feminine energy and become a love magnet!

8 Ways to Become a Juicy, Feminine Energy, Love Magnet:

1. Practice receiving.

Many of us don’t know how to receive from a man or a woman. Receptive energy is vulnerable and open energy. Receiving what your partner brings to the table or gives you with joy and appreciation is the best way to honor his masculine energy.

Be vulnerable and open with your partner. Lay down that sword and shield. It’s better for a man that you reject him outright than you being unable to receive what he gives. We’re not talking just material goods here. Remember, a man standing in his masculine energy wants to please you.

2. Learn how to love yourself.

As hokey as it sounds, start and end each day looking into your own eyes in a mirror and saying, “I love you, beautiful. I am here for you and you are safe.” If it feels challenging to access self-love, always ask in a any situation, “What is the most self-caring choice I could make right now?”

3. Welcome your beautiful ugliness.

Embrace your shadow self, the dark and “ugly” parts of you; the things we stuff away and try to hide. What we resist persists. By avoiding our shadow self we don’t properly heal from the traumas that we experience in life.

Be authentically you. Don’t worry about being who he needs you to be. Be the best person you can be for you and any man of quality will appreciate you for that. Let your dark side exist. You will not be swallowed up by her because she is also you. You will still be the good girl, the nice person, the family star.

4. Lean into desire.

Acknowledge your desires. What do you want, goddess?

No one can come into your life and make you happy. You need to be happy first for yourself and then you’ll be happy with your partner. Become clear on what you want in life outside of material goods. You are not your bag.

5. Feel your feelings.

We spend a great deal of energy trying to numb or avoid feeling what we truly feel. We’re afraid we will break. We won’t. You weren’t built to break, like Whitney Houston sang so poignantly.

Give yourself the gift of allowing yourself to feel your emotions fully. Express yourself and communicate in open and honest ways. Practice listening without defending and speaking without offending. Apologize and make amends when necessary. This doesn’t make you weak. It makes you beautifully human.

6. Practice the art of self-pleasure.

No one can please you if you can’t please yourself. Enjoy your body. Embrace and honor your temple. Allow yourself the full range of sexual fantasies.

“50 Shades” touched a cultural nerve because we have been taught to avoid the surrendered feeling of true feminine energy. After all, you posses the clitoris, the only body part that serves no other purpose but pleasure. That says something marvelous!

7. Let go of people pleasing to become your authentic self.

On the surface, being a people pleaser seems benevolent but it’s not. It’s unhealthy, manipulative and passive aggressive. This is not the healthy way to get your needs met. It’s depleting and the energy will eventually read as desperate. When a woman is desperate the men she attracts will be narcissists and spiritual vampires seeking to feed on her lack of strength. Trust mama!

(Read: “How to Stop People Pleasing”)

8. Open your sex chakra.

Take part in activities that will help you open your sex chakra, also known as the belly or sacral chakra. This includes belly dancing, pole fitness, hula hooping, burlesque or a good ole fashioned dolla wine to some good reggae.

Feel the sexy power of your body and love being a skinny, fat, tall short, light, dark magical woman.

This Week’s Homework

You may want to form a Love School Playgroup with your friends to do these assignments. Take 5 deep, cleansing breaths to get centered and begin.

Write down how you plan to incorporate each of the 8 steps to activating the sacred feminine into your life, then get to it and report back! We’ll talk more about this in coming weeks.

Love Resource Links:

A. Break Up Detox: Letting Go of the Past

B. How to Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships

C. Letting Go of Limiting Love Beliefs

Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives extraordinary women inspiring advice on healthy relationships, evolved sexuality and getting the love we deserve. You’ve seen her love interventions in magazines from Essence to JET and on shows from MTV’s “Made” to the CW Network’s “Bill Cunningham Show.” Find love class worksheets, advice videos, coaching, and more at “Abiola’s Love University Email questions to or tweet @abiolaTV or #loveclass.

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