For many of us, it’s not very often that we have to interact with the ex-girlfriend of our spouses. Thankfully, I haven’t ever seen my boyfriend’s former flame in-person, and he will never meet mine (they live in different states). But in the case of one woman I talked to, she encounters her boyfriend’s former squeeze on a regular basis. She’s not happy about it.
This reader, who we’ll refer to as Jada, has been dating her boyfriend for a little over a year now. They have a pretty good relationship, according to her, and he even encouraged her to get back to regularly attending church. In fact, she attends his church. And it is there where she usually encounters his ex. Yes, they all go the same house of worship.
Jada’s boyfriend only says hello when he has to, and that’s when family members strike up a conversation with the ex and he happens to be around them at the same time. When she has to, Jada speaks (“Hi, how you doing?”), but most of the time, she tries to stay MIA when it comes to such encounters. The ex has proven to be a little cold, so there’s no need to fake the funk. Not a big deal, right?
Well, unfortunately, her boyfriend’s family just so happens to be pretty fond of the ex, and they invite her to family functions. Specifically, the sister invites her to damn near every birthday party, anniversary soiree and graduation there is in the family. You see, Jada’s boyfriend and his ex were together for a year and a half, and during that time, it’s clear that homegirl made a good impression on everyone but him. The ex and the boyfriend’s sister managed to become close, so whenever anything is going on with the family, she is invited. This bothers Jada. Like, irritates her to no end. As the new lady in his life, Jada doesn’t appreciate the fact that her boyfriend’s sister goes out of her way to bring the old boo around. And she doesn’t seem to be doing it out of malice. In fact, the sister has been kind to Jada. Still, having to see her man’s ex all the time makes Jada think that the family likes her more. A lot more. Plus, she just thinks it’s disrespectful.
As for her boyfriend, considering that he and the ex didn’t part on the best terms, the constant invites are not something he’s too fond of either. He has shared with his sister that asking his ex to everything is not only uncomfortable for him, but Jada. But she always tells him that the ex is her friend, and homegirl isn’t checking for him anymore. His parents don’t have a problem with seeing the ex on a regular basis, so they have no input on the matter. Still, Jada would appreciate if her boyfriend would do something. Put his foot down in some way. However, she’s also afraid that if she asks him to reach out to the ex to tell her to fall back, it could cause some drama that she’s not even trying to take on.
Church is one thing. In the house of God, everyone needs to play nice and get over themselves. But constantly running into a frosty ex at every family barbecue and party? Jada isn’t sure how to deal with it.
How tricky is this situation?! If Jada makes a big fuss out of this whole thing, she could look insecure. And hey, maybe she is. But I think if we are all honest ourselves, we can admit that the idea of regularly having to deal with our partner’s former significant other is a bit much. Especially when they’re not the most cheerful and warm individual. She has a right to be a little perturbed.
If it were me, I would stay my ass at home for functions that don’t really call for my presence. But I would try and be cordial and positive when there are functions that do–and that I’m sure the ex will be at. But the fact that the ex is always trying to be around is a little suspicious. It’s almost like she’s attempting to get under Jada and her man’s skin. A friend of the sister or not–she’s doing the absolute most…
But as always, those are just my thoughts. How would you handle this predicament? Is Jada petty for being pissed? Is the ex-girlfriend petty for always coming around?
