I recently wrote about how shocked I was when I heard women and men receiving shout-outs on the radio for being side pieces. While side-piece culture seems to be thriving nowadays, there’s also the issue of the “main chick.” To me, knowingly being the main chick for a cheating man is just as bad as being the other woman, and I can tell you why based on experience.
The main chick is a woman who has been in a relationship or marriage for a long time and has put up with a lot of crap from her man to be considered number one on his roster. If they’re not married, she’s the woman who has “wifey” status. The main chick is the one who through intuition, or proof, knows that her man steps out every once in a while; but she’ll justify it because he comes home to her at the end of the day.
This used to be my reality when I was younger, and for lack of a better word, dumb. I was with a guy for two years on and off. Throughout those two years, I caught him cheating more than once. Looking back on that time is extremely embarrassing for me because I still can’t believe I allowed myself to go through something so degrading and humiliating. The reasons I mentioned above are partly why I stayed with him, but honestly, I was friends with his mom and I felt pressured by her to stay.
When I found out he’d had a woman in my car when we switched vehicles for the day, I called his mom to vent. Her response was, “Well you get to go on the trips don’t you? You’re the one he comes home to.” These were supposed to be words of wisdom and encouragement, but after hearing such excuses one too many times, it felt crazy to me. As I held the phone to my ear, I listened to a woman trying to rationalize why I should stay with her philandering son. The main chick was supposed to be a consolation prize because I was living a “great life,” even if I was completely miserable.
Being the main chick simply didn’t work for me. Oftentimes I felt like I was living in the twilight zone because I had a man who repeatedly made promises to me that he simply could not or would not keep. It was painful and I didn’t feel like the designer clothes, jewelry, or trips were worth it any longer. Instead, I craved loyalty, honesty and most importantly, his heart. Sadly, I couldn’t get those things, so I knew I had to leave and put an end to this self-esteem crushing relationship for good.
Karrueche Tran recently ended her work as main chick after learning that Chris Brown fathered a child at one point in their relationship. Tran broke her silence on the news by tweeting, “Listen, one can only take so much. The best of luck to Chris and his family. No baby drama for me.”
After years of embracing her main chick status and dealing with public scrutiny for sticking by his side while he played her for Rihanna (and obviously others, including the mother of his daughter), Brown did what a lot of men who cheat do: he fathered a child outside of the relationship.
This is usually how it goes when you’re dealing with a guy who has you as his main chick, but won’t make you his one and only. He doesn’t do these things because he is a terrible person. Instead, he behaves this way in your relationship because you’ve shown him that you’ll put up with just about anything. A man can only get away with what you allow him to.
As for me, once I removed myself from my position in that tumultuous relationship, I didn’t look back. There is so much more to life than being a man’s doormat and that’s exactly what a main chick is. I do think about my ex from time to time and wonder what woman he is making miserable now, but I would never deal with a guy like that again. Zebras don’t change their stripes, you know?
