My Man Hates Valentine’s Day: What To Do When You Care About The “Holiday” But He Doesn’t

February 14, 2015  |  

My husband doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day. Birthdays…yes. Anniversaries…absolutely. But Valentine’s Day…he wants no parts of it. However, the romantic in me has always appreciated Cupid’s Day. In the past, I’ve never slit my wrists when February 14th rolled around and I had no man. But when I did have a boo and I received flowers, candy or a teddy bear, my heart would smile. I’m just like that I guess.

Now, just because my husband doesn’t believe in Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean he’s never given me a gift on February 14th. In fact, he’s bought me tulips (my favorite) and some nice lingerie. He even got me a Valentine’s Day card once. But he did it because he knew I’d like it, not because he’s a hopeless V-Day romantic like I am. It was his way of saying, “See how much I love you that I would give in to this commercial holiday designed to break a dude’s pockets?!” And yes, I appreciated it…because I knew it went against everything he believed in just to put a smile on my face. I never gave him grief about his beliefs, and I agree with his reasons for not celebrating Valentine’s Day – especially when you trace its origins. If this Saturday comes and he says, “I love you,” that’s all the warm and fuzzies I need for that day.

But what if you are a full-fledged sucker for Valentine’s Day and your man isn’t? What to do then? While I can’t answer that for you, what I can say is that now that we’re married with a baby, I appreciate the little affirmations of love that I receive daily, not just on special “holidays.” Love should be freely given, and it shouldn’t cost and arm and a leg to express it. Cards, flowers, candy, fancy dinners – they’re all wonderful. But If you only feel loved on your birthday or Valentine’s Day…something is wrong.

Now, if you know that your man or your husband loves you, but just isn’t a fan of a holiday that feels like forced romance, then by all means…let him hate the holiday. If he shows you in a million other ways that he loves you all year around, then you might want to just let it slide. Some women get downright angry at their man if Valentine’s Day comes and they don’t even get so much as a Hershey’s Kiss. To them I say ask yourself what about him not liking the “holiday” bothers you so much. Do you feel like it’s a slap in the face if he doesn’t acknowledge you on V-Day? Are you materialistic and feel he should spend a small fortune on you in order to show you he cares? Are you more concerned with what your friends will think if you don’t get a gift on Valentine’s Day? Do you need public displays of affection to feel socially accepted? If Valentine’s Day is important to you, you have to figure out why first before you get mad at him for not giving in to your whims.

If after all of your soul-searching you find that you are in a fulfilling relationship with someone who just doesn’t believe in V-Day, then by all means let it go. Go out to dinner with your girlfriends, or pamper yourself at a spa while he watches the All Star Game. Or shower your man with gifts even if he doesn’t get you anything. If you TRULY believe in Valentine’s Day, then you can still express your love for him without expecting anything in return. And if he would not be receptive to gifts, simply snuggle with him on the sofa instead.

There is nothing wrong with your relationship if you don’t receive a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day, but there IS something wrong if that is the only day you have to look forward to in order to feel loved by your mate. And I’m not talking about romance. I’m talking about LOVE. Sure, V-Day is a chance for him to show his romantic side if he’s genuinely not the romantic type in general…so maybe he DOES need a day to help bring this side out of himself. But as far as authentic love is concerned, that’s something that can’t be contained in one Hallmark card one day out of the year. True love is what you feel the day after Valentine’s Day…and the day after that…and the day after that. And if you don’t feel it the other 364 days of the year, then Valentine’s Day really doesn’t matter.

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