Dating Dealbreaker: I Want Kids, But The Man I See A Future With Doesn’t

December 16, 2014  |  

 

Dating dealbreakers. I’ve had a lot of them in the past. However, I never imagined that I would have one that would ultimately be the demise of a perfectly good situation and possibly great relationship. What do you do when the man you spend a lot of time with and possibly see a future with tells you that he doesn’t want to have kids? And it’s not that he doesn’t want them now or that he isn’t sure. No. He doesn’t want them at all. Ever. It was a decision I had to make and one that led to the end of something I thought could be good. Something I thought could be different. What do you do when the man you want, doesn’t want the things that you aspire to have for your future?

I’ve had to deal with men who I thought were ambitious, and later found out that they were content with having almost nothing. Dealbreaker. I’ve also met guys who told me after the second date that they have more kids than I would prefer them to have. Dealbreaker. Then I thought I’d found a great catch, only to find out that he ….well, I’ll just say that it was yet another dealbreaker. But these things I found out early on in the dating/courting process because these are questions you think to ask, and harsh realities that can’t help but come to light.

But I didn’t find out that the guy I was dating never wanted to be a father until my feelings were fully invested.

I’d be lying if I told you that I immediately decided it was a dealbreaker. I thought he was either joking or just hadn’t met the right woman that he wanted to marry and impregnate. I wanted to make it work. I know it sounds silly, but hey, I was hopeful. It’s hard out here in the dating world!

But to my dismay, he was positive that he didn’t want to have children. He did eventually want to marry, but he wanted to be married to a woman who shared his same viewpoint when it comes to parenthood.

It didn’t take me long to realize that he wasn’t the man for ‘baby-loving’ me. I don’t want these genes to go to waste, and I can’t wait for the day where I can have a little mini-me. While I was developing strong feelings for this guy, his decision not to have kids was was too much and I couldn’t compromise. It was the ultimate dealbreaker.

It’s actually disheartening because outside of that important decision, our relationship was great. It was slowly developing into something special, but clearly it wasn’t what was meant for me.

I still battle with my feelings about the situation. The naive, optimistic me believes he will change his mind. However, the prevailing realist in me tells me that he won’t and that dating him will never go any further than just that.

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