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Dear China,

My boyfriend recently told me that when we get married and start a family, he wants me to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom! I love my career and do not plan on quitting, even after having children, but he insists. What should I do? I don’t want to lose him.


Stay-at-Work Mom

Dear Stay-at-Work Mom,

Compromise is the key word in relationships. You don’t simply turn your life around because you “don’t want to lose” a man who hasn’t even married you yet. Since you’re talking in the theoretical, why not go all the way with this discussion you two have started with each other? Why not ask your man if he will set up all the dream items you will need to conduct your business from home? If he can build you a home office, pay for your marketing expenses, fund your virtual employee payroll, finance your business-related flights and hotels, your answering service, and all other expenses you need to operate a business while you stay home, would you take that deal?

Seriously: if anyone is going to make demands on your life, that person better be prepared to pay for how you want to live it. If he cannot accommodate your dreams as a career woman and a mother, then he’s going to have to leave it up to you balance it. You’re a woman, and if you’re his woman, you two need to be able to compromise and work out your lifestyles without a “fear of losing” each other. You shouldn’t have a fear of losing someone, simply because you don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom.

Be careful whom you have babies and weddings with, ladies. Marry a man who respects you, who is eager to compromise to make you happy, and whom you work well with as a team. Don’t get too caught up in “losing” a man–lest you lose yourself.

À bientôt,

~ Madame C.

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