Dear China,
I love my boyfriend, but he is not satisfying me in the bedroom. He is selfish and doesn’t seem to care if I’m satisfied. HELP! I don’t want to cheat on him!
Sincerely,
The End of Sex
Dear The End of Sex,
Awww! Darn. See, it’s one thing if he’s not satisfying you for reasons that you’ve worked on and failed (i.e. change of technique, basic likes, e.t.c.), but it’s another thing if you’re saying he’s straight up SELFISH! Urgh – that’s a killer word to use, because it characterizes someone as having a fundamental disposition towards “not pleasing you!” Like, er…yikes! Have you tried telling him what specifically you would like in the bedroom though? How doesn’t he “seem to care” if you’re satisfied? What makes him “seem” that way? You have to ensure that you have communicated specifically what you want, how you want it, and all of that good stuff, before you can then conclude that your man has disregarded your wants and needs.
If you have indeed said to him, ‘look baby, I would really love it if you thang-thang here and thang-thang there, so I can climax, just like you’re climaxing,’ then perhaps you do need to hit the pause button on your situation. Sex is about as intimate as you can get with someone, because you’re entering the person’s soul and sealing a deep relationship with that person. So, if someone is selfish with sex, the person is likely selfish with his soul. In any healthy romantic relationship that operates on a serious level, there can’t be any withholding in the body and soul area. You have to give in ways that show your love and appreciation–and most of all care for what the other person wants.
Still, the answer is never to “cheat” on someone if the person doesn’t satisfy you. What’s the point of that? If you’re not satisfied, you either work on getting satisfied by talking to your partner and showing him how it makes you feel when he doesn’t, or you leave. You don’t create the dual baggage of “dissatisfaction at home” PLUS “cheating outside the home,” PLUS risking the pool of STIs! Come on, girl, what are you thinking? Make a decision, and get a head-start in your life’s pleasure, with someone who will listen, understand and work with you: sexually, mentally, spiritually and otherwise! Let me know how it goes.
Au revoir, cherie!
~Madame C.
