Can A Baby Save A Relationship?

July 26, 2014  |  

I love Jay-Z and Beyonce as a couple, which is why reports of a struggling marriage between them has me hoping it’s all a terrible rumor. Page Six suggests that the only reason these two are staying together is because of their daughter Blue Ivy, saying that they thought having a child together would strengthen their relationship. However, with all the gossip going around, it didn’t seem to work.

Now who knows (or cares) what goes on in celebrity marriages in real life, but how many of us know of someone who decided that having a child would either keep him (or her) or make a bad relationship better? While I never understood folks who brought a child into an already tumultuous relationship, it seems to be a last desperate attempt for some to keep their union intact.

Bad move.

Relationships are hard enough as it is just one on one, even to the most adoring couples who are madly in love. And while having a baby can create a different kind of bond that could strengthen a loving couple’s commitment, it’s still an adjustment and a challenge to even the strongest of relationships. So imagine adding a child to a relationship on its last legs. That is a combination that doesn’t need to happen, because adding a child to an already bad situation could only make the relationship end faster.

I guess I can understand how a married couple might make the decision to try to have a baby in order to strengthen a bond. If you believe your vows really do mean forever, then adding a baby with the desire to make your marriage stronger may seem like a good idea – even if it doesn’t always work.

But for those women who want to trap their man, or force him to marry her by having a baby – that’s only setting yourself up for disaster. Pregnancy, let alone the actual birth of the baby, changes everything. Suddenly you’re dealing with a hormonal woman with mood swings and swollen feet and the man might end up hating her before the 9 months is up. If he doesn’t love or care for her enough to understand what she’s going through, then he may abandon her when she needs him the most. If he didn’t want that commitment in the first place, all they’re doing is adding gasoline to a flame…and it’s bound to explode. Expecting your man to propose (or even just remain your boyfriend) just because you’re expecting is not realistic and you’ve almost already sealed your relationship’s fate.

Similarly, a man who thinks a baby will change the way he feels about his woman may also have regrets, as he is now responsible not just for a child’s well-being, but also the mother’s – even if only during pregnancy. Rather than feeling excited, he might feel stuck, and wonder how he got himself into this mess. Sure he may love his child, but may eventually resent the mother because he feels he has to meet her needs too. He may think he loves her enough to do so because she is the mother of his child, but that could quickly turn into an unwelcome reality check. With all the additional pressure, a man may want to flee, and the relationship could dissolve sooner than expected – leaving a broken home and hearts along the way.

With all of that said, it seems that trying to save a bad relationship by getting pregnant is just an all around bad idea. One shouldn’t try to force a connection or gain their partner’s attention by adding a baby to the mix. It’s not fair to either partner, and it most certainly isn’t fair to a child who didn’t ask to be born into a messy situation.

Instead, take a break from each other and decide if a relationship is really what you both want. No matter how long you’ve been a couple, you may come to realize that the relationship isn’t worth saving. And if you DO decide to give your relationship a second chance, make sure it’s built on a solid foundation and renewed commitment before deciding to have a child together. Make sure your union is baby-proof before the actual baby comes along.

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