Relationship Debate: ‘Is My Man Lying About What He Likes Sexually?’

February 24, 2011  |  

Dear China,

I heard that every guy loves great oral sex, but my boyfriend said it’s “O.K. if I don’t do it.” Is he lying to me, and how do I learn to do it so it will blow his mind?

Trumpet Playerette

Dear Trumpet Playerette,

When and in what context did your man say it was “O.K. if you didn’t do it?” Did he say that to you during sex, afterwards, or just as part of random conversation? If he honestly does not enjoy oral sex and you want to give it to him, you need to have a deeper discussion about why he says he likes what he likes, and doesn’t like what he doesn’t like. There’s just no way to tell if your man is lying to you, because it’s not impossible that a man doesn’t want oral sex from his woman. There could be some sexual trauma around why he may not enjoy oral sex (and if so, you should encourage therapy), or if he is just being polite with you, there could be an issue with the way you’re engaging in oral sex with him.

You two have to have an honest conversation about the best ways to do sex with each other, if you’re going to be doing it. The next part of your question, “how do I learn to do it so it will blow his mind?” suggests to me that you think he does want oral sex, and you think he only said he didn’t because you don’t do a good enough job of it. You need to ask him directly. No sugar-coating either (no pun intended). Just ask him if he would want oral sex if you performed it to his liking, or if he just would rather not have oral sex at all. Some men just don’t like it, some men don’t like hand forms of pleasure down there either. Not all men like the same thing, no matter what the telly tube would have us believe. As for performing it in a way that blows his mind, I’ll let you defer to books, movies and good ol’ practice on that one!

Bon nuit, my sweet.
~ Madame C.

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