How I Realized That My Negative Attitude Was Getting In The Way Of My Relationships
I end relationships before they even start. Subconsciously.
That was the story of my life, until I realized it really was the story of my life, one that I was writing myself.
If the man I was dating complimented me, part of me believed he was being genuine while the other part was weary that it was just game. If he talked about a future with me, subconsciously I figured it was ‘meantime’ talk and he would eventually change his mind and leave. See, I figured I was hip on game. I’d seen it all before, and heard it all more than enough times. I was not going to be a victim of a man breaking me down in a relationship. Little did I know, my ‘hip to it all’ attitude was actually negative and I never gave a relationship a fair chance because of it.
I’m sure a lot of women can relate to my ‘Negative Nancy’ attitude; and whether you want to admit it or not, a lot of you allow your attitudes to stand in the way of your own relationships too. For instance, when a man is nice, you think he’s too nice and surely it won’t last. Or worse, you think it’s just his way too reel you in. You never allow yourself to accept the kindness without doubt taking over. So you’re skeptical of him, and of course your actions follow your thoughts. Men can pick up on these things and no one likes to be consistently doubted.
The other day while watching Oprah’s Lifeclass, I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes say to a woman who was emotionally distraught about her relationship that her husband shouldn’t have to save her to love her.
To piggyback off of that but to do so on a lighter note, I would say that we shouldn’t expect someone to convince us that they are nice, kind, genuine, or real just to enjoy our company. Recently, I had to learn this. I had to change my ‘guilty until proven innocent’ attitude to ‘innocent until proven guilty’. Basically, if the man has not shown you that he’s a dog, don’t assume he is or treat him as such.
This subconsciously negative attitude can not only run away the man that is willing to love you right, but can oddly enough attract the wrong man who matches up with your early assumptions. Seriously, if you think that men are cheaters, liars, and selfish beings, nine times out of 10, these are the men you will attract into your life. It’s the simple law of attraction. You attract what you think.
So before you kill a relationship before it starts, try to go into each situation with an optimistic and hopeful attitude. In no way am I implying that you should be blind and naïve, but let down some of those guards and believe that the situation can actually end positively. A negative attitude will only yield
ant34 p’h4[pq2[04i bv[uetq 4` 0oq3489qw=’negative results.
I’ve never considered myself to be a negative person, but after careful self-reflection, I realized that I let bad relationships in my past interfere with my optimism about future ones. I actually ran off a couple of good guys before I realized I was the problem.
Now when I see myself turning into a pessimist and doubting all the nice things a man is showing me, I have to remind myself that if a relationship doesn’t work, I don’t want my poor attitude to be the cause of it.
Ladies, have you ever messed up a situation before it started because you brought baggage or a negative attitude into it?