Relationship experts are a hot commodity these days, maybe they always have been but no one can deny that right now is “their time.” While some men could use their own relationship experts to let them know that chivalry is not dead, how to bring being a gentleman back; the experts in demand cater to women largely. Questions range from how to get a man, how to keep a man, how to stop him from cheating. Lastly, how can I find a brother who’s educated, not incarcerated, not on the down low and fairly attractive?
My favorites are the women who are bluntly honest and come right out and ask their male friends or Hill Harper, “how do I become wifey, the Mrs., not the side chick?”
I appreciate these sisters for their honesty and frankness. They say, “Cut the BS, I want to know how to stop dating these unavailable men or take Mr. Unavailable and make him see that I’m the one.” Forget all the books, “Nightline” segments, and relationship panels. The answer is simple, to get wifed you must have a certain “it factor.”
So far nothing I’ve said is news to you, the problem is you’re asking the wrong person. Contrary to popular belief men are not some monolithic being who all operate with same set of values, likes or interests. When women ask their friends for relationship advice whether male or female, or they consult this month’s favorite book all you’re getting is that person’s perspective not the guy you actually want.
For instance, I had dinner with maybe seven of my fraternity brothers back in November. Relationships came up (yes, we talk about more than sports and Adult Videos although both of those topic came up as well.) The point is seven men had a dialogue about what qualities make a woman “the one,” their particular “it factor” and there were 7 different answers. In fact it might have been more than seven because some dudes had multiple answers that contradicted their previous one. (I guess the ladies are right, we can be confusing.)
Some brothers wanted a super freak while others wanted someone as pure as the Virgin Mary. One brother wanted a head strong, ambitious young woman to build a foundation with. Another wanted someone more docile who knew their role so to speak.
If one of my female friends asks me what is it that makes a woman wife material, first I have to let her know that I am speaking from the perspective of Cedric. I can only speak for myself because ultimately my response is going to tell her how to get to my heart and no one else’s. The most important thing a woman can do is define her “it factor” for herself, cultivating the person who she is and who she wants to be. As cliché as it seems, no one can love you until you are in love with you.
Lastly, what’s the rush? I know your biological clock is ticking and that’s a very mannish thing for me to say but it’s true. Good things come to those who wait. So many people rush into relationships because they want the warmth of knowing they have “someone” rather than “the one”. There’s no one built like you, you’re “it” for somebody. Allow the creator to prepare you while he prepares your king, he exists and your it factor is just what he’s looking for.