Straight From His Mouth: What Determines When He’ll Reconcile With His Ex?

April 21, 2014  |  

 

In a perfect world, when a couple goes through a hard time and has to make a decision as to whether their relationship is worth continuing, they decide that it is. However, that’s not really what happens. The reality is people usually take breaks, they date other people, and focus solely on themselves for a bit, and it’s not until they “feel” like it that they get back together. I’ll tell you up front, both men and women do this. I’ve seen a guy wait around for over a year while a woman sorted her life (and loins) out.

As it pertains to men, after the breakup that reconciliation period or time away from the relationship is their time to “live.” When you break up you not only want to fix your relationship but yourself too. Relationships can be taxing on other parts of your life and that can lead to you dropping the ball on other things. For example, when you’re in a relationship you may have put that business plan or great book idea to the side to focus on your relationship. After the breakup you may want to reconcile, but first you think you’ll be much happier in that relationship if you are able to get your business up and running.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when a guy knows that reconciliation is an option, but he spends a long time dilly dallying around with other women. He’s on a relationship vacation. This can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing. On one hand, you want a guy to get all that out of his system before getting back in a relationship. (That’s if it’s possible for him to get it out of his system.) On the other hand, you don’t want a guy who wants to have a bunch of fun with Lord knows who and then get back with you when he’s ready. This is why a relationship (and a breakup) has to be a mutually agreed upon thing and both people have to go into it that way.

There are a few ways to handle this situation if you’re the woman on the end of this breakup. For one, you are more than entitled to live your life and sow your royal oats too. Fair exchange is no robbery. He can’t get mad at you for dating other guys when he’s dating other girls and it may even inspire him to get himself together. You can also go back to him and give him an ultimatum. (Just don’t ever call it an ultimatum and be careful how you deliver this ultimatum because nobody likes ultimatums.) You can tell him that you want him to make a decision because you’re not going to leave the offer on the table indefinitely. That it’s more about you and your feelings than it is about forcing him to be with you when he will be unhappy. Between the two of these plans I would recommend that you do something in the middle.

I recommend that when you’re not together, you decide to just not be together. You don’t talk, you don’t communicate, when you’re ready to get back together you get back together. However, when you’re not you’re not. You can date other people, or you cannot date other people. Whatever you do, just don’t do it together. Don’t try and hangout with each other or be friends, that’s not possible and it will likely lead to a long break period. Do not sleep with one another because you need the sex and don’t want to have it with anyone else. This will result in feelings being exchanged that can complicate the situation even more. I guess what I’m recommending is that a breakup be a break up and a relationship be a relationship. Eliminate the middle ground and this will be less confusing.

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