Homie Lover Friend: How to Transition From Friends To Lovers

April 10, 2014  |  

How many of us have a friend of the opposite sex that we laugh with, cry with, joke around with, hang out with, tell all our secrets to, and so on and so forth? Not only that, but this special friend you have is one of the closest people to your heart, and you find yourself being drawn to them in more than a friendly way. So what do you do? How do you let your friend know how you feel, and if they feel the same way, how do you make a smooth transition from being friends to lovers?

Discuss and come to an agreement.

This is the first and most important step in making this transition. Why? Because both of you have to agree on whether or not you want to be more than friends, rather than making an assumption. Doing this will avoid the confusion of one of you thinking you’re entering into a relationship that really doesn’t exist. Besides, it’s never okay to assume that someone else wants the same thing as you, so to avoid unnecessary confusion and heartbreak, be sure to have the transition discussion with your friend and lay it all out on the table.

Set the terms of the relationship together.

If the two of you decide to move forward and engage in a romantic relationship, the next logical step would be to establish standards for having a healthy and productive partnership. Set things in place, including always being honest with each other. Doing this will allow room for growth, and let you both keep a steady pace and eliminate any false expectations.

Understand that things will change, but some things will remain the same.

Things will change because now you have taken your relationship to the next level where romance and intimacy can come into play, if it already hasn’t. However, some things will remain the same, so don’t expect too many exceptional changes in your friend/new partner’s normal routine of life just because you’re the new boo.

Don’t expect him/her to change into the person you think they should be to meet your expectations in a relationship.

More often than not, when people embark upon new love with someone, we expect them to turn into the perfect Prince Charming, or Superwoman, even when we’ve known these people for quite a while. This happens because when it comes to what a person wants in love, we don’t back down. Because of that, sometime, without realizing it, we place different and sometimes unreasonable expectations on the people we care about. No matter who you enter into a relationship with, whether a good friend or a familiar associate, accept the person for who they are. Now don’t get me wrong, this does not mean it’s unreasonable to want to see small changes here and there, but don’t expect a complete metamorphosis.

Always remain friends.

If things don’t work out, you don’t want to lose the bond that was gained because you couldn’t make a relationship work. But even if things are going well, keeping your solid friendship in tact is important. No matter how good or bad things get in a romance, you should remember that the person you fell for was and always should be, your friend.  In relationships there will be ups and downs, ins and outs, and through it all, you need a friend to go to and share it all with. So who better to do that with than your homie, lover, and friend? Besides, a good romantic relationship should include a strong friendship.

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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