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Relationships are a funny thing. When two people meet, they go through the phases of dating, courting (maybe) and then commitment with hopes and expectations of maybe spending the remainder of their natural lives together. They spend endless days, years and even decades getting to know each other in order to be sure that they’ve found the right one.

But what happens when after all that time, you haven’t found the right one? All of a sudden, everything you’ve put into that person and the life you thought you would have comes to an abrupt end when the relationship too comes to an abrupt end.

For whatever reason you and your former lover decided to part ways, you now find yourself with the task of starting again with someone new. Why is this a task? Why is it so difficult for people to gather the strength to begin something new with a different person? Or better yet, why is it that people are afraid of starting over when a long-term relationship has ended? There are three simple reasons people are afraid to start anew when a long-term relationship has ended: 1. they’re afraid to remove themselves from their comfort zone. How many of us are all too familiar with falling in love with complacency by being comfortable with our mates to the point where we may slightly let ourselves go and where modesty and mystery become secondhand? This is the point in the relationship where we become so comfortable with our mate that we often become too relaxed and think that we are secure and don’t put forth the same effort to keep our mates as we did when we were chasing them. While it is good to be comfortable in your relationship and with your loved one, you must not forget that you’re not the only one that wants them and that getting them was the easy part.

The second reason starting over scares people is that they may fear a new person won’t accept them for who they truly are. Learning the habits, likes, dislikes and the ins and outs of someone and in turn having them do the same for you can be a daunting task because it will take a lot of time for people to get to know each other. Not only that, but there’s a certain level of pressure people often place on themselves when meeting someone new to make a good impression on them, and the fear of them not being impressed at all is something no one likes to face.

The last reason people don’t want to take the plunge into a new love affair is that they are afraid that no one else is out there. There are a number of people who believe all good men and women are already involved with someone so they’d rather stay in the comforts of singlehood, rather than taking a chance at new love.

While there may be a number of other reasons as to why people fear starting over, these three top the list because they’re the most common. And while there are many who see the positive side in starting over (and there are many positive aspects) there are those who don’t. There’s an old saying that goes “There’s nothing to fear but fear itself,” which says to me that you have nothing to be afraid of. Besides, if you don’t get out there and try to meet new people, you could miss out on a really good thing.
What do you think? Is it difficult to start over after a long-term relationship has ended for you? Why or why not?
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
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