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People change when they get married: they just do. They think that that marriage license gives them license to over-share, be know-it-alls, act as matchmakers and a whole other slew of annoying traits and habits. Here are 7 awkward and unfortunate things that happen when your friends get married, and how to deal.
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They invite you to the couple’s event just to be polite
Your married friends start discussing some married couples event they’ll be going to next week. Suddenly they remember you’re standing there, feel rude, and invite you. But they don’t just invite you: they insist you come because now they’re committed to making it seem like they’re not inviting you out of pity but really, really want you to be there.
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How to deal
None of you want you there and that’s the truth! The couple will feel responsible for you the entire time since everyone else will be married and you’ll be bored and feel left out. Just be the bigger person here and say, “It would be a bummer for me to be around a bunch of married people.” Because trust me: your married friends won’t say that. They would never even imply that you’d be bummed out. They’re not allowed.
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They joke about how miserable they are to make you feel better
Your married couple friends, when they realize they’re acting a little too happy, start making fun of one another, and telling you how much they drive each other nuts, and how much better off you have it as a single person.
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How to deal
This is only patronizing to you because you know they’re happy, and you know they’re lying to make you feel better. Tell your friends, “Your being happy doesn’t make me any less happy. I experience single life the way I experience it, regardless of how I perceive married life. So go on: be ridiculously happy in front of me. I can handle it.”
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They assume their significant other is invited
You invite your married friend to something and she says something like, “Oh, I cant because my husband is busy that night” or “Let me see if my husband is available.” You didn’t mean to invite the husband though…
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How to deal
Married people need to learn how to maintain their own identities outside of “husband or wife!” And if you have to be the one to slap some sense into your friend, so be it. Tell her, “I actually wanted one on one time with you. There’s just stuff I can say in front of you that I don’t feel comfortable saying in front of your husband—I should still get to see my good friend without her man attached to her hip, right?! And you won’t die if you spend one night away from him.”
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They invite one other single person: and it’s a guy
You’re invited to a dinner party, and when you get a lay of the land, you realize there is only one other single person there, and he was clearly invited there for you. In fact, any married people you try to socialize with just nudge you back in that one guy’s direction.
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How to deal
Unless you are into the guy, it’s time to tell a little white lie. Pull the guy aside and say, in a light tone, “Our friends obviously invited us here to meet but I feel so bad because, I forgot to tell them I’ve started seeing someone.” Your married couple friends will feel so bad for dragging the single guy there for nothing, it will teach them never again to do that to you without consulting you first.
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They clearly made a mistake getting married
What’s worse than being around a married couple who is blissfully happy? Being around one that is miserable and clearly made a huge mistake by getting married!
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How to deal
If the couple fights in front of you all of the time, pull aside whichever person in the couple you’re close to and say, “When you and your spouse fight in front of me, I feel obligated to pick a side—if I stand there silent it’s awkward—and obviously I’m always on your side! But it will only make things hard on you if your spouse doesn’t like me and feels we team up against him/her. So please just don’t fight in front of me.”
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They give you advice like they’re experts
They tell you you’re too picky, that you date the wrong kinds of guys, that you hang out in the wrong places, and if you’d just do x, y, z and 1, 2, 3, you’d be happily married in no time.
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How to deal
Honestly, all new couples love to think they’re experts at love. Even if they’re not—even if they made all the same mistakes they’re saying you make—you can’t point that out without losing a friend. Just don’t bring up your dating life to your married couple friends. Everybody will be happier that way.
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They turn down your invite because they’re staying in…
For some reason, once a couple gets married, they think that “staying in” is an excuse not to do something. Somehow, that’s enough of a reason. They state it as if it’s a real date or obligation: “Oh, we can’t. We’re staying in tonight…”
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How to deal
This is another time when you’re just going to have to call your friend out! Say, “Guess what? That’s not a real excuse. Your couch will be there tomorrow. I’m only free tonight. If ‘staying in’ is your excuse to not do something, before you know it, you’ll lose all of your friends.”
